Worried about losing DD to her father and his new family

[WorriedMama12]

I have posted about my situation once before, not this side of things but previously about how much I was struggling with my ex just moving on so quickly and easily and replacing what we had. I'm doing a lot better now but am still struggling with certain aspects of the fallout of things.

My little girl turned two in February, she's my absolute world. Her father and I were together for almost 10 years however we were on and off during my pregnancy, more off than on actually and he left when she was 3 months old. It was a real struggle, I suffered quite badly from PND and I still have guilt that I wasn't the best mum in those early months because of that. I took her out to baby classes during the day ie baby sensory, rhyme time at the library etc most days but in the evenings, she would sit in her bouncer chair watching YouTube nursery rhyme type videos and I would basically just sit and cry. It was an awful time. I just didnt have it in me at the time to offer her more than i could. During the day when i took her out and about was when i held it all together, evening was when i crumbled. Her father did see her every other day for 3-4 hours at a time when he left. I have moved on (somewhat) from those days and she and I are always doing things and out and about having adventures. We have a lovely little life just me and her.

She goes to stay with her father EOW and a night during the week. Him and I don't talk much, I still hate him for leaving me in that state when I was 2/3 months post partum, thick in the midst of PND. He collects her from nursery and drops her off either here or at my parents.

Ex has a new family now. He got with his current partner around a month oe two after leaving me, she fell pregnant when my little one had just turned one and their little girl arrived end of last year. So there is around 21 months between my little girl and her half sibling.

I'm still on my own with my daughter, I decided to focus on her and my career to give me a better income and to hopefully allow me to buy a house for us in the near future, we are renting at the moment. I've also been going to therapy to try and heal before I even think of any future relationships etc. If I even want one.

I'm just so scared about losing my daughter to her other family, especially as she gets older. Her father is great with her, he cares so much for her, does lots with her, they have a very close relationship, which is great. He now lives with this partner and their little girl and basically has a ready made family and a secure, stable home to offer my DD. Whereas I'm just a single mum who can't have any more children due to fertility issues, so will never be able to offer my DD a sibling like he has. It overwhelms me at times that this little girl, who is my absolute world, has this whole other, perfect little family, that is nothing to do with me and that she may prefer to be a part of rather than with me as she gets older.

Am I being completely unreasonable here with these feelings?

You're her mum and nothing can top that. You're doing amazingly, trying to heal, focusing on your lovely little family. Carry on as you are, and don't overthink.

She will enjoy being with her other family if they treat her well. . Thats what you want. Her to be happy

Your feelings are your own and it is understandable to feel like this but don't transfer those to your daughter

My DD enjoys visiting her Dad and sister, but that's what it is. I'm glad that she has lots of family that love and care for her and her dad's partners family always treat her as part of the family at Christmas. She visits then comes back home which is where she prefers to be, home is home, and just the two of us to her is home. Where it's quiet and the two of us potter side by side, where we can go to activities and holidays that suit us and not have to factor a man or siblings in. Where she gets to benefit from being on only as I have more disposable income and more time to run her about to the things she wants to do.

Children benefit from having lots of loving adults in their lives. Your dd is lucky to have an amazing mum, you, plus a dad who is a great dad and a stepmother who cares about her. Rather than thinking you'll loose her, think about how lucky it is that she has two loving families, different but equal in their wish for the best for her. Some children have no loving parents.

She is not going to have the close relationship with her dad as she will with you when she only sees him 3? times a fortnight.Your doing fantastic putting you both and your career first and not jumping in to another relationship.
I can pretty much guarantee you that a few years down the line he'll have abandoned his second family and be on to the 3rd,providing no stability,this will come from you.
Keep doing the amazing job you are.

You and your daughter ARE her "stable loving family".

It's not the number of people in the family that matters; It whether they can be relied on and have your back.

Your ex is an absolute shit for leaving you and that situation. He also left your daughter. Who could do that when she was only a tiny baby? Think of that when you think of how great a father he is.

Thank you all for the reassurance.