Grandparent leaving DS 4 alone in car

[Amalfisunet]

DS4 has started asking to be left in the car if I need to go to a shop, I have always made it very clear that won’t be happening for a very long time. He asked again today and I wondered where this was coming from so asked if any of his safe grown ups leave him alone in the car? He hesitated then said yes. After more questions it appears my DF has left him and his dog (a very well natured one but think this just adds another level to how unsafe this feels) while he nips into the “shop where he gets cereal”.

My gut response is this is seriously unsafe on many levels, DH agrees.
Would anyone actually be ok with this? How do I approach this without it leading to a “don’t tell mummy” situation?

I generally worry a lot about stuff with DC but am surprisingly OK with doing this myself. Though not sure I want others to as I wouldn't know how long they actually are. I nip in very quickly at local shop which is quiet and I can see car. I don't think it matters though if others are ok with that if it is something you are not comfortable with then say something to your DF and ask him not to do it. If you think he won't respect stuff then I guess don't leave DS with him. I very rarely leave DC with my DF as him and DSM don't listen to what me and DP say and think they know best

He's leaving a child alone in a small space with a dog.

I wouldn't be ok with this, no matter how quickly he gets back nor how well natured the dog.

The dog makes it not ok IMO.

I've been leaving DD in the car from that age while I drop DC2 into nursery, as do many other parents. Only if I get parked right across the road. She's reliably well behaved, knows she's to do nothing, and there's plenty of other people we know coming and going.

With that in mind, if it's a small local shop, the car is in view of grandad the whole time etc then I'd be ok with it but not if the 4yo would actually be properly alone and unsupervised.

But the dog makes it automatically not ok.

No, I wouldn't be happy about this. There is no need for it.

In Australia leaving a child in a car unattended for any length of time is actually illegal. Children can die in a hot car very quickly even when it is cold outside if the car is in the sun.

I used to leave my kids in the car to pay for petrol but that was it. If kids are left in a car to drop others to childcare, the police would be called. I am only just now comfortable leaving my kids (15, 13 and 10) alone while I go to the shops to grab something. But if it was just the 10 year old, no I wouldn’t, I’d make her come with me.

double post

I wouldn’t do it myself, and if a grandparent was doing this, I’d probably ask them not to. That said, I don’t really see it as a big deal, if the car is locked, parked outside the shop in sight, and it is literally nipping in and out.

We had the same scenario, DS was about 3/4 and asked to stay in the car when i nipped in the shop, i said no and he replied well great grandad does.

I wasnt angry and i know 100% hed never intentionally put my son in danger but I rang my nan to tell her DS had dropped my grandad in it and she promptly bollucked him and told him never to do it again and he didnt.

Thank you, appreciate the perspectives!

Nope. You NEVER leave a small child (and one presumably strapped in) alone with a dog, I don't care how gentle. I wouldn't let a 4 year old alone in the car full stop. At that age they could get out.

The dog makes it a no but if the car is parked just outside the shop and he's literally nipping in to get cereal and the child doesn't have access to food I think the leaving then in the car thing isn't so bad. My dad would leave us in the car as kids. I think we are ott about stuff like this now.

If he parked right outside the shop, it was a small shop and he could see the car from the window then I think it’s ok. I do it when I’m getting fuel but otherwise do take DC in the shop.

He might not realise he’s done anything wrong but if you’re not happy then he needs to respect that.

I would never have left my daughter in the car alone under any circumstances until she was much order than four. Having a dog in the car too just makes it even worse.

Nope not acceptable.

My dc let the handbrake off on one occasion when I left them in the car for seconds as they refused to get out and I was carrying lots of bags. The car started to roll forward even though it didn’t even look as if it was on a slope. I could never leave them in the car to go in a shop and definitely not with a dog.

Not with a dog, absolutely not. My dogs are very gentle & loving with DC, but you just never know.

Even the gentlest dog can snap if they're masking pain and get grabbed in the wrong place.

Surprised at the vehemence against the dog
Is the dog actually in the car or the boot?
Are one or both of them still strapped in?
Also, why is the grandparent repeatedly making a special trip to buy “cereal”? Is that code for ciggies?

I would never do it—as others have said a four year old can: 1) release the handbrake, 2) get out of the car, 3) get carjacked with the car, 4) get attacked by the dog.

I wouldn’t leave a 4 year old in the car and wouldn’t be happy if a caregiver did it. I would be furious if they also left a dog with DC.
Just bring the child into the shop.

I used to do a risk assessment in my head. In some situations it clearly felt safer to take them in, in others I really seemed safer to leave them in the car.

My concern if leaving them was not what if something happens to them, but what if something happens to me and I don't come back.

In reality abduction is extremely rare....and could easily happen in a shop. So the most likely scenario was someone stealing the car.....and if I was in a place I though that was likely I would take them, but outside my local shop on a quiet road I wouldn't be concerned about that.
And I also reasoned that most people are good....which I genuinely believe. And even most car thieves wouldn't hurt a child.....although obviously I wasn't counting on that I genuinely believed the risk of anything happening was vanishingly small. Whereas....there have been many situations where near misses or accidents have happened because I was trying to manage two children crossing a road or in a shop.

Did you ask your DP if this actually happened ?

YANBU. You deal with it by not leaving your child unsupervised with someone you cannot trust.

What sort of car is it? I only ask because ours has an alarm activated by activity within the car so you can’t leave someone in there and lock it or the alarm is constantly triggered.

That said, I’ve never left mine in the car alone. Just not worth the risk in my opinion. Local to us was the mini that didn’t have the handbrake on and it rolled into water. That scared the life out of me.

No it’s not ok at this age with or without dog, regardless how big is the shop.
I think you should start your conversation gently and trust your gut instincts to judge your DF’s reaction.
It’s a bit of a test imo. My sister would say straight away that she misjudged and reassure that it wouldn’t happen again. And would follow that promise.
My mum would argue and criticize your parenting style and your stupid attitude to safety.
Guess who is more involved into their grandchild’s life.

Does no one leave their car in gear when they park? Slightly OT but if your handbrake fails/is taken off - not sure how a small child could do this with a manual one, I used to struggle if DH had used my car - then the gear holds the car. I never park and leave it in neutral.

I've recently started leaving ds in the car while I nip in a shop. He's 8 and I trust him .

I wouldn't leave him with our dog in the car though (and our dog is just daft)