WWYD? school absence due to terminally ill relative.

[HeartBlueDay]

My elderly aunt has just been placed on palliative care. I want to see her and give some support to my cousins as soon as I can get organised. I would probably need to take my child who is school age (& has an EHCP). I don't know if this is possible or reasonable, I do know if I don't go soon it will definitely be too late. Its about 400 miles.

The school doesn’t need to be a consideration here . Your Dc does - They have an echp . Are they old enough to cope with been there .if yes pack them in the car and go otherwise , see what you can sort out childcare wise

Absolutely!

There is no other option. A relative is dying. You and your child needed to be there. End of. School can wait. Death won't.

Thank you all for being there. I don't yet have a plan but your perspectives have helped me focus on what matters most.
Emotionally I have moved from shock to grief.
On a practical note I think if I can do the round trip inside 36 hours DC is best in their usual routine at home if longer best with me. Their wellbeing is paramount of course, as my wider family including my dear aunt would expect and understand.

Go now.

You dont have to ask School

The school / Government dont own your child

If they fine you, pay, if you cant afford it, tell them you will pay them £5 a week

Family first !!!

I wouldn't have a second thought about school in this scenario and would just take him. If you had a partner or someone else you could leave him with I'm sure you would have already considered it. Do what you need to. It isn't the end of the world if your child gets an unauthorised absence.

WTAF is wrong with the UK?

Schools have a duty of care to monitor absences. Unless they think there is a safeguarding issue they couldn’t care less about individual absences. They just bung down the appropriate code on the register.

School is one part of your child's life. It's not the only part and school cannot dictate what you do at times like this.

If you feel your child would be happier to come with you, rather than staying put with a friend or family member, then take them with you.

Sorry for your (soon to be) loss 💐

You go, take your child. You only get one chance to get this right ( or as right as it can be)
Message the school and say called away due to family bereavement. They don’t need to know any more.

Hmm your elderly aunt isn’t a close family member of your son so I’m not sure the school will find this acceptable. But you could ask?

Aunts and uncles are often close to their nieces and nephews ime.
Even when grown up they can be.

Whilst is a step removed for the child, that doesn't mean there is no closeness. All families are different.

Besides it is a close relationship for the opposite, and if she wants/needs to go then her child may well need to go with her.

Many schools, my own include, show empathy and understanding and would authorise such a visit. Infact I know we have in recent weeks, as well as authorising time for the funeral afterwards. We have also authorised longer time off for the child to go,abroad in similar situations.

At present schools still have some flexibility in these things and there are still some senior leaders who demonstrate warm, compassion and empathy and try to reduce additional stresses for grieving families.

And even if it is unauthorised - so what? In most schools, there are no fines until day 5 so just go ahead regardless.

What has it got to do with the school? School doesn't rule a child's life.

Family dynamics vary from family to family.

I took my DS out of school for a few days when I helped my very sick sister move house. I didn't ask the schools permission, I just handed in a letter to say he would be off on these days, for this reason. Good grief, we have enough to deal with at times like these without begging the school's permission!

Don't say that! I once made the mistake of suggesting that on another thread. The 1000 cuts I recieved are slowly healing. Do not dare to presume you are the arbiter of who is close to whom!!

Indeed!

If I refer to my nephew, people automatically assume he is young and we are not emotionally close.

There is actually only 9 years age difference and he spent a lot of time in our house and I view him as my baby brother and he regards me as a big sister.

If anyone told me that only being an aunt means I am not close family to him, they too would feel an up close and personal tongue lashing 😁

And this is the reason so many adults are afraid of death and the dying.

And to the OP take your son out of school. They don't own him even if they try to make it seem they do. . When my DS grandmother died we had to travel for the funeral so went up say before and returned day after. And ignored the threats of fines etc and idiot suggestions we spend hours traveling in night to arrive for funeral to immediately turn round after to come back ( school secretary)

Huh? My grandson has a EHCP as he stated school non verbal. But he's ats bright as a button and soaks up information. Not all kids would struggle to catch up

I wouldn't have given a shit what the school said. What is the actual issue of a day of unauthorized absence anyway?

You don't seem to be thinking of your child's best interests. Much better for the child to be in school. Why disrupt their routine and cause damage to the child's education and wellbeing when the child presumably has very little relationship with the distant great-aunt and would find the whole trip awful.

If there is any other adult living near you who DC can stay with then you could leave the child with them so they can still go to school and you can do a solo trip to your aunt's bedside. If there is no appropriate adult you cannot go. Instead see if someone who is there with your aunt can set up a remote linkup e.g on zoom - it's not ideal but it's better than nothing

If there is no appropriate adult you cannot go

But she can go.
If she doesn't want the child to visit, then she has family near to the aunt's home - I think, from posts - who can probably watch the child, whilst she visits.

A zoom call is definitely not the same, and often isn't really appropriate for a relative who is so close to the end of their life.

Sometimes we do have to put ourselves [and in this case, other family members] first for a short period of time, and children do just fine with that. Infact it can often be good for them, longer term, to know this.

Missing a couple of days of school is really not a concern.

I would just go. It's a couple of days but a regret you might carry forever.

Just phone school on Monday and explain. Our school would put this down as authorised but I'm in Scotland.

Agreed. You'll regret it if you don't

Go.

I would not ask the school. I would tell the school.

What a heartless thing to say! Don't presume anything about the DS's relationships. OP is clearly very attached to her aunt, and her son coming with her to say goodbye is perfectly natural. It's not wrong to let a child see grief.

I would have not one thought of concern about missing school versus a dying loved one to be quite honest. Nor would I be paying any bloody fine either. The world's gone mad with control. A loved one dying takes precedent over pretty much everything. Go and say your goodbyes whilst you have time to.

Just go, tell school you have an unavoidable family emergency, you will be in X town and likely to be absent for X weeks you will contact them on X date to give further details, you don't wish to be contact via phone due to nature of emergency as will be in hospital/at hospice but can be reached at X email address. If works is put on to X platform or the subject is emailed to you you'll get DC to do the BBc bitesize work if possible.

Deal with the aftermath afterwards don't worry about it now. It might be a fine, if it's a long absence possibly a court hearing where it will be clear there was a reason and he isn't being persistently absent for no reason.