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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Evening invite

46 replies

3ismagic · 26/04/2024 14:44

DH and I have a wedding evening invite coming up and I am currently 39 weeks pregnant with baby number 3. Baby will be around 5 weeks old and I double checked it's ok that I bring JUST baby to the evening as I don't feel comfortable leaving him/her that young, but have been told no, as no children day or night.

AIBU to think this is a bit off? I totally get the no children rule at weddings, but can you even class a 5 week old as a child?

OP posts:
Riverlee · 26/04/2024 14:45

That’s ridiculous. A babe in arms should be the exception, especially for the evening reception.

i wouldn’t go.

Doseofreality · 26/04/2024 14:47

Being realistic, an evening wedding reception is not really the best place for a 5 week old baby.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/04/2024 14:47

I wouldn’t go. It just won’t work. Their choice but they can’t be offended if you decline in these circumstances.

Temushopper · 26/04/2024 14:48

It’s absolutely fine they don’t want babies to go.
It’s equally absolutely fine that means some people with babies will be unable/unwilling to go.
Say sorry you can’t make it and either they’ll understand (perfectly reasonable) or they will be an arse about it at which point they will be being unreasonable.

TimeForTeaAndG · 26/04/2024 14:49

At 5 weeks post partum there's a very high chance you won't want to be getting dressed up and partying. I can't remember much about the first few weeks cos I was on all the painkillers after an emergency C-section and struggling with breastfeeding/getting enough sleep.

Just say ok and decline the invitation.

Catandsquirrel · 26/04/2024 14:55

I've always known babies in arms to be the exception at child free weddings as they don't require anything from the couple and make it easier for the guests to attend but it's their choice. They should be understanding if you if say no.

toastofthetown · 26/04/2024 15:07

A five week old is still a child. While some make exemptions in their child free weddings for small babies, if someone wants a wedding with no children there, your baby won’t be welcome. It’s not wrong for the couple to choose this option. It would be wrong of them to take issue with parents who are unable or unwilling to arrange childcare to accommodate this not attending as a result.

0verandoveragain · 26/04/2024 15:12

A 5 week old baby is a child. Just don't go. It's not the place for a new baby anyway.

Dacadactyl · 26/04/2024 15:14

I mean you'd need war defenders for a 5 week old at any wedding reception I'd ever been to.

I do think it's odd of the bride and groom to not make an exception but I'd leave them to it and just not go.

Mrsjayy · 26/04/2024 15:14

Doseofreality · 26/04/2024 14:47

Being realistic, an evening wedding reception is not really the best place for a 5 week old baby.

This, it will be noisey and people might be drunk and what peace will the baby have if noisy tipsy people want to coo/breath all over your baby.

SlB09 · 26/04/2024 15:18

Ridiculous! I probably wouldn't go tbh, think it's abit naff to expect you to leave a 5weeks old or just not go

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 26/04/2024 15:20

Their wedding, their rules, and tbh a wedding reception isn't really the ideal place for a very young baby. I'd politely inform them that you won't be able to make it and wish them well. As others have said, you may not really be up for a wedding reception 5 weeks post partum!
I wish you well for the birth.

hottchocolatte · 26/04/2024 15:21

Maybe a lot of family and friends have babies and they dont want loads of babies there. Either way they've said no but you don't have to go.

loropianalover · 26/04/2024 15:22

It’s their wedding and they’ve decided no children. Of course a 5 week old is a child.

It just means you’ll have to sit this one out, I’m sure it’s not going to be wedding of the year or anything.

MaggieFS · 26/04/2024 15:25

At least you don't have to worry about an outfit or buying a gift now 😀.

Dear B&G, Mr & Mrs Magic regret to inform you that they are unable to accept your kind invitation to the evening reception of your wedding and send you the very best wishes for a long and happy marriage.

Peonies12 · 26/04/2024 15:28

Their wedding, their rules. We had child free wedding with exception for babies but they all left by mid-evening anyway. You're very optimistic to be thinking of going to a wedding at that stage! Why doesn't your partner go on their own.

Haydenn · 26/04/2024 15:46

🙄 everyone always has a reason why their child should be the exception at a childfree wedding. Mines too young, mines almost an adult, mines a close family member, mines a godchild, I’m a single parent, I’m travelling a long way. They don’t want kids at their wedding, that’s their prerogative. Just don’t go.

DaisyChain505 · 26/04/2024 15:55

It’s absolutely fine for them to say no and it’s absolutely fine for you to decide if you want to go or not.

paintingvenice · 26/04/2024 16:00

I can’t believe you’d get an invite to a childfree wedding and then put the bride and groom in the awkward position of clarifying if they meant your child 🤣🤣🤣

Invisimamma · 26/04/2024 16:06

The probably invited you out of obligation knowing that you wouldn't come with just having a brand new baby.

It depends on licensing too, many venues in Scotland you can't have children in the evening as they are only licensed when a meal is served and not after 9pm, this includes babies. Not sure if rest of UK is the same.

Original poster
3ismagic · 26/04/2024 17:50

paintingvenice · 26/04/2024 16:00

I can’t believe you’d get an invite to a childfree wedding and then put the bride and groom in the awkward position of clarifying if they meant your child 🤣🤣🤣

Thanks for your smart comment but I didn't know it was a child free wedding.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 26/04/2024 17:54

paintingvenice · 26/04/2024 16:00

I can’t believe you’d get an invite to a childfree wedding and then put the bride and groom in the awkward position of clarifying if they meant your child 🤣🤣🤣

It's not awkward for the couple at all.

A newborn baby is not (in my mind) "a child" at a wedding.

Catandsquirrel · 26/04/2024 18:10

paintingvenice · 26/04/2024 16:00

I can’t believe you’d get an invite to a childfree wedding and then put the bride and groom in the awkward position of clarifying if they meant your child 🤣🤣🤣

How is it awkward or funny to ask for clarification at all?

Catandsquirrel · 26/04/2024 18:11

Posted to soon. Bride and groom just have to say 'sorry, no, we do mean all children including babies'.

paintingvenice · 26/04/2024 18:27

Dacadactyl · 26/04/2024 17:54

It's not awkward for the couple at all.

A newborn baby is not (in my mind) "a child" at a wedding.

Show quote history

Only in mumsnet do people seem to think babies aren’t children. By every definition a baby is a child and when a childfree couple say they want a childfree wedding that is what they mean…until someone guilts them into being allowed to bring the baby.

Believe me the baby was never welcome