Saying shut up to a 1/2 year old

[Redruby2020]

I could say alot about this situation, and I can elaborate if needs be.
But I just want to focus on this point for now. Parent/s saying shut up to a child whether it is said in a nice or nasty way I don't think it's appropriate. Said child is now saying it back to the mother, which obviously children will do. And today, mother has got annoyed when child has said it back to her.
Well that is very hypocritical for a start.

Also what do you think of kids being stuck in all weekend, there might be some days out, or events happening. But can very often be stuck in from Friday after school until Monday morning.
Also in the holidays unless a holiday is planned, maybe out 1/2 times in a week. There is a garden and children aren't encouraged it doesn't seem, to go out in it. I am aware said children have asthma which I'm sorry to say it, the mother smoking heavily throughout both pregnancy's can't have helped.
Do you think that's got anything to do with being more anxious about taking them out etc?!

Also letting youngest run up and down the kitchen/sitting room from 8/8.30 anywhere up until 10/11pm. I'm not saying for 2/3 hours straight, but frequently throughout those hours.
I have to put my headphones on because once my DC is in bed. I want to do some chores and unwind a bit etc before bed. This is all I have to listen to every night.
And them waiting up for whenever the bf father of the youngest out of two kids, gets there. Who apparently doesn't live there, so she claims on her own, but is there 7 days a week. He is a big mouth too doesn't care that anyone else might have kids asleep I find it all very disrespectful.

I was asking for opinions. And included some other stuff, why is benefit fraud nonsense 🤷🏻‍♀️ or other things regarding child welfare.

I'd probably feel the same as you if I lived next door to them to be fair. It's frustrating if you feel like a child isn't being treated well and feeling powerless to stop it, but the sad reality is that lots of children grow up in those kinds of circumstances and that's just how it is. Hopefully there will also be times when those parents are warm and loving and fun to be around.

As for the noise, you can complain to the council. And report the benefit fraud if it's something you feel strongly about. I would probably wimp out as I'd be worried they would find out it was me. I know people trot out the "but it's the tax payer funding the scroungers" line but it doesn't impact the individual taxpayer personally if someone else commits fraud. So I'd probably leave it.

The shut up bit is obviously not great but no one else’s business. Doesn’t really affect the welfare of the child.

I can see why the rest might cause concern. I’m not sure if over stretched children’s services would be interested though. Sounds like the family could do with some support if never getting outside.

Well no of course not, there are other things too, I mean as in shouting just generally not very nice to them most of the time. The eldest has learnt to be quiet from what it seems.
Where as my child is not afraid to speak show emotion and cry/etc and like someone was saying on another post the other day, you need to let them tantrum sometimes not always be scared of them doing that, and being afraid to say no or do whatever they want to deal with it.
She couldn't stand the noise I think so therefore my child was a problem child.

@Catico they have confirmed that the purpose is only to ask if it is ok to tell a child to shut up. i have said it is not but it is also not a criminal offence. Like the other points.

its not ideal for anyone to be in a house all day but maybe there are finance issues meaning that they can’t take trips out. Maybe there have been noise complaints when the child is in the garden so they are kept in.

when you live in an attached house you hear all sorts of noises, occasionally between the hours of 08:00 and 10:00 is not antisocial and expected.

having an involved parent who comes to see their children every day isn’t a crime. There is no proof that he lives there.

I have lightheartedly said "well if you shut up for a minute, I'll tell you" when my kid does that thing where they repeat "whensdadhomewhensdadhomewhensdadhome", so I think context is a "thing" with shut up, though snapping if it's repeated back at you rather than trying to stop saying it yourself, or (for an older child) explaining jokey Vs rude isn't great.

A lot of this sounds like none of your business, OP. Late night noise is ok to complain about if it's frequent rather than a one off, but the fact that you get annoyed with it starting at 8...you do realise the world doesn't revolve around your DC's bed times, right?

@Pogointospring Yes the mother being smug and an expert towards others situations but not her own.

Well personally I was always told kids are supposed to get outdoors. Hence why the youngest is obviously bored and too much energy not being used up and so they obviously consider running up and down one room, sufficient then.

Missing the point entirely but what's a 1/2 year old? A 6 month baby?

@WillJeSuis But the comments online are rife at the moment under all these videos about the governments plans where Universal Credit is concerned. And people commenting why should we pay for people's kids and for people to be on benefits, even those that work and still need that assistance that is available.
But claiming when not claiming correctly or possibly with a partner on a claim, that would not entitle you, is quite ok 😆.

So if you are saying things to a child, which obviously that can vary and they can get upset and more upset from what you are saying, rather than speaking to them appropriately is not having or going to have some emotional impact on a child.
So the mother saying it and the child saying it back, with mother responding don't you tell me to shut up, who do you think you are, is appropriate, sorry I don't agree.

🤣 There's plenty of money don't worry about that, I don't spend money taking my child to the park for 1/2 hours.

Comes to see their child? But they don't go anywhere else so therefore they live there.
It's not occasionally, I've now had it every evening for 4 weeks. Because two weeks was the Easter Holidays, then someone is obviously sick as mother is now home with both kids for the last two weeks.

Yes totally, and this is what I've said it does depend in what context it is said.

Well when people poke their noses in to others business what they do with their child, which yes you will most likely reply and say that is what I am doing now. If you care, then you care 🤷🏻‍♀️ not pick and choose the bits you want to get involved with.
Like at 8pm onwards you would expect some kids have already gone to bed, or in the process of doing so.
So I would just expect her kids would be heading in the same direction, not starting up for the night.

Sorry it's because things happened in the past, the child was 1 then so I should have said when a child is around those ages. 1/2 is a one year old or two year old.

How terrible for you to have to listen to disrespectful and nasty parents who don't encourage much from their kids.
You can't do much about it unless it is abuse.
Turn some happy songs up quite loud for the kids to hear.
Maybe some Peter Combe, Evie, The Wiggles etc.
Could you buy some balls and throw them into the yard?
Throw over some Sunflower seeds too

Sunflower seeds 😆 I wasn't sure if that was a joke.
No to others who picked up on the garden bit, I just think she can't be bothered to have to watch them etc whilst they are out there. As often she has just told them to get back inside.

I won't be blasting out cheery songs at night lol for them, as my child is in bed, which is where her kids should be.
Not up at 10/11pm when the eldest has school the next day.
And is out the door after 7am to drop the youngest off first.

So if you think the neighbours mistreating the kids, report her.

If you think she is claiming benefits fraudulently, report her.

Job done. Stop going into minutiae detail about justification and report and let the services make their own assessment.

I mean they sound horrible, and I wouldnt like living next to someone like that. I'd feel for the kid. But unfortunately telling the kid to shut up isn't a crime. There's nothing wrong with them not going out at times, everyone can do as they please. For all you know they might be sitting at home playing games, baking, educating (I mean probs not but 🤷‍♀️).

Smoking in pregnancy isn’t ideal but I don’t think it’s as bad as people make out. I had five children and smoked through each pregnancy (my youngest is 33). My first was 7lb 8oz and all the others were over 8lbs. My mother smoked while pregnant as did her mother. You have my sympathy about your neighbours though - I lived next door to a woman who screeched at her kids all the time. She called her (then) six year old a f*king little c*t on a daily basis. We moved house in the end. Her kids are all grown up now and I don’t know if they have issues. I wouldn’t mind betting they’ll be the same with their kids though.

You don’t like her. She doesn’t like you.

I suggest you ignore her as much as possible, stop engaging in the drama and obsessing about her parenting and get on with living your life. None of this sounds like a matter for any authorities (possibly except the benefit fraud issue) and is one of those things society expects adults to just deal with themselves. Yes, she sounds unpleasant and hypocritical, but unless you plan on moving home I think you just need to get on with things.

You could report for benefit fraud if you really want to get to them. The rest is none of your business

If he doesn’t go anywhere how are they being kept up until he arrives?

you obviously don’t live next door to perfect neighbours but it doesn’t sound as if you are a great neighbour yourself.

if you are worried about benefit fraud report it.

if you are worried about the child’s welfare report it.

But you are going to need stronger examples then you have now.

at the moment you look like a nosy neighbour with a grudge.

@MrsSlocombesCat but realistically this day in age people are much more informed and know how bad it is for babies when the mother smokes whilst pregnant.

I have seen a lot of parenting practises I disagree with, ranging from too strict to too lax (including very late bedtimes) but really I think we need to shrug most of it off. If this lady acts high and mighty about other people's parenting, just have a little smirk to yourself and think "yeah, ok love".

You are far too involved in this person's life. None of this is your business. You are coming across as a spiteful, nosy neighbour.

If you have a genuine complaint re noise nuisance, complain to your local authority, or your landlord if you are in social housing.

Or you can take legal action yourself - Section 82 of the Environmental Protection Act 1990 provides a right for any person suffering nuisance to make a complaint to a Magistrates Court.