People posting pics of their children in hospital online

[Rolson77]

Why is this a thing? A friend (old school friend, we dont really speak other than in passing) of mine just 3 weeks ago had a normal amount of followers/friends online. Now her daughter is in hospital with a serious illness and she's opened up her social media, now has over 30k followers, because of the pics she's posting of her daughter online. One of them is her daughter crying with a dr/nurse putting a needle in her back. Another of her hand with a bloody cannula in it describing how she keeps pulling it out. Etc. Her daughter is 7 and cannot give informed consent for this. I don't know why it's pissed me off so much. Is this normal? Using your kids' illness to get likes and followers?

Sorry about typo I meant hospital not hostel.

Before and after shots, even an x ray of pinned leg is ok either way message that they are on the mend but kept to genuine friends and family. I don't think it's right to post publicly for sympathy or worse for money

Are you actually telling a woman whose child has died to get a grip? You get a fucking grip.

I’ve no problem with parents photographing their child in hospital (as long as they aren’t in distress and needing comfort). I don’t think parents should share photos of it on social media. The child cannot give informed consent and the photos can be misused.

@InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I cannot imagine the pain. The poster who read all of that and told you to "get a grip" is unbelievable. No words.

Your situation is obviously very different to those OP is describing but I understand why it's a sensitive topic given your situation

YANBU, no-one should be posting photos of other people during their most vulnerable times.

Not ever.

Disgusting attention seeking behavior

Type in Google 'How do children feel about their parents posting photos and clips of them on Facebook?' It really is an eye-opener in terms of the feelings of young teens who feel way to much of their earlier years has been documented on social media. Some with parents who still just refuse to take their feelings on board.

She’s 1, so no she doesn’t know. We have a few nurses from her early days on sm, a lot of family from all different parts of the country etc. A quick pic updating on how she’s doing is usually the best way.

Even when we are lucky enough to be in our home, she will still have feeding tubes, oxygen etc on, just with our home as the background. So whilst people may not agree about posting pictures when ill, that is how all the photos of my daughter will look. As I mentioned, the only procedures pictured and posted have been whilst undergoing transfusions. In these pictures, you can’t even tell she’s having a transfusion and she is mostly sleeping. Other pictures are a quick update on her progress, some have been of a set back or some gains.

Pictures of her really early days I haven’t posted, once she was on a more stable path and we were out of the she’s not going to make it zone and a lot stronger I posted a picture of her.

Her life so far has been an incredible journey and if anything, I think when she’s older she would be proud to see everything she has overcome and hopefully more hurdles will be tackled by that stage to.

I have a sibling who does this of herself and kids. I blocked her now

I understand parents taking photos but they should limit them to private use or sharing in support groups which are private and have no-sharing-outside-the-group rules.

Did anyone ever listen to the podcast on "Believe in Magic"? There is a subset of parents (mostly mothers) who do seem to really enjoy the sensation of being publically ill or having ill children, and all the attention and sympathy that it brings them. It's not healthy.

Its complete attention seeking

Awful behaviour

That is entirely different imo

Without wishing to make it all about me, I think some people have no idea how other people feel about having their photos shared online. Children aren't in a position to give consent, I wish more adults would remember this! Just because you are their parent, they are individuals in their own right.

I had a friend who for some reason wanted to post pictures of every single thing we did together on her Facebook feed and tag me in. Even if it was just going out for an everyday lunch. She refused to acknowledge how much I hated that! I don't see her any more.

YANBU

I wonder what the doctors/nurses are thinking when these pathetic parents are more focused on getting the perfect photo for Likes than comforting and protecting the privacy of their poor child?

I don't think it's that different.

Photos of a sick and vulnerable child have no place being shared on a public internet forum with complete strangers.

And I know that sounds harsh but it's still true. There is absolutely no benefit to the sick child, who is after all the most important person.

I have never posted photos of DS on social media - it was something I chose not to do. Taking photos in hospital is fine - Have photos of DS in SCBU after he was born, and we were in hospital for the best part of two weeks so lots of photos taken.

On the other hand, when we had to rush him in with a non-blanching rash at a couple of months old we certainly weren't taking photos of us restraining him and trying to comfort him while doctors tried and failed to get an IV line in - they managed on the fourth attempt. And we didn't take photos in A&E when he was 4 and needed stitches in his hand. Never occurred to us to do so.

I recently had breast cancer. I didn't need chemo, only radiotherapy and so didn't look particularly ill, just tired. I use Facebook but chose not to post about my illness on there as I value my privacy. I had a small number of friends who supported me.

A few people who found out after the fact were actually annoyed with me that I hadn't shared. Like they had a right to know my personal medical situation. I'd never share a child's news as they also have a right to privacy. But I was quite shocked by the entitlement some people felt they had, just because I post pictures of my guinea pigs! 🐹

Well I've made it quite clear that she died, so nothing will benefit her again, she will never get to give her consent, or tell me she doesn't want me sharing her photo and story or anything else. I'm her Mum and this is the decision I've made.

It benefits me to allow people to see her, it benefits me to share her story, it benefits me to connect with other parents in a similar situation, and, actually, it has benefitted other parents in many ways over the years too, so, when I feel like it, I will keep sharing my daughter with the world. Don't like it? Don't look.

This isn't something I would ever do myself but to play devils advocate, is the parent feeling alone and afraid and looking for some support?

The only decent reason I can see this happening is if the parent is perhaps looking for support, I imagine in the hours when the child is finally sleeping and they are perhaps alone with their anxiety and fears they have found a way to create connection.

It's perfectly possible to seek support from other parents, without putting intrusive photos of your vulnerable child on the internet.

I wonder about the wisdom of sharing another persons private medical history with the world. Children can’t consent and if they are going to grow up and be able to judge this then you probably shouldn’t. Not on a site like Facebook which is so unsecure.

if your child is not going to grow up, or will never have the capacity to consent, and you think sharing their private information is in their best interests that’s your call and is an individual choice.

I have a DD who is now 10 who has spent 75 percent of her life in hospital, she spent 2 years in without leaving once. Unfortunately for us
many of her milestones like everyone else’s were in hospital - first steps - first day at school - first world book day etc
i share those moments on my social media for family and friends.
she does not however have a follow page etc
i don’t take videos of her getting injections / needles / or being worked on by paramedics. She often is sat up smiling / feeling ok when I post. I do share her journey though as I find it easier than doing in individually.
I do however not understand those who post videos of them being worked on / upset.
I’m not going to hide her away just because she happens to be in a hospital cubicle instead of living a usual life at home
the hospital was her home ❤️
however it’s not about her health it’s about her every day life, a lot of my posts are about her doing normal child thing, experiences, Christmas, birthdays etc
I also don’t allow her to be referred by her illness so no cute nicknames that refer to their illnes like tubie / zebra / cherub etc
she is just a normal girl living a diff sort of life, I make sure she isn’t defined by her illness.

attention seeking. nothing else. My DC were in hospital a fair few times. One was in ICU twice. I don't even have any photos from them being inpatient. Taking pics was the last thing on my mind.

so what do us parents who lived in hospitals ? Never take a photo of our children’s first birthday of them getting sung happy birthday too because they happen to be in a hosptial and attached to a tube ? Hide them away from the world ? Not take s picture of their first steps because they are attached to an iV stand and oxygen like every day of their lives ?
in theory you can agree or disagree with parenrs choices to share any of their photos of any healthy or sick children but you can can’t judge one and not the other
it’s no worse

a parent of a healthy child sharing their child’s first steps
or a parent of a child in hospital who took their first steps.