People posting pics of their children in hospital online

[Rolson77]

Why is this a thing? A friend (old school friend, we dont really speak other than in passing) of mine just 3 weeks ago had a normal amount of followers/friends online. Now her daughter is in hospital with a serious illness and she's opened up her social media, now has over 30k followers, because of the pics she's posting of her daughter online. One of them is her daughter crying with a dr/nurse putting a needle in her back. Another of her hand with a bloody cannula in it describing how she keeps pulling it out. Etc. Her daughter is 7 and cannot give informed consent for this. I don't know why it's pissed me off so much. Is this normal? Using your kids' illness to get likes and followers?

All of this.

Immediate unfollow from me. Probably even the famous mumsnet NC.

"Get a grip"

After the judgement with no thought for those of us who have no choice but to photo our kids illnesses and hospital time?

👍

I agree op.
I've almost never posted any pictures of my children during their whole childhood.
The only exception I would make, would be with extremely sick children , needing experimental treatment that might need fundraising for or public pressure to support NHS funding. I completely sympathise with desperate parents doing anything in a situation like that.

YANBU, it’s totally inappropriate when the child cannot provide informed consent. I rarely post a photo of my kids online, if I do I usually use Instagram stories so it’s temporary

It’s a tricky one, I don’t like it when the child is clearly in pain or one off trips to a&e etc, thats just not needed BUT my DD had fairly serious surgery a couple of years ago, we were in and out of hospital for months in the run up to it. People were concerned and regularly asking how we were doing so it was easier to pop a post of Facebook updating people. It did include photos of her smiling such as, look how well she’s doing after physio today, enjoying slime making with the play team today, eating the yummy treats ‘x’ sent us, then after surgery, she’s managed to walk down the ward for the first time etc. It was an incredibly tough time for us as a family and this was once way for people to keep in touch and offer support. Plus was my normal Facebook friends, not an open insta page or anything.

I think people who do this are attention seeking freak shows.

This really fucking winds me up. How on earth can your first thought be “oh I better take a quick pic and upload it to fb for everyone to see” rather than comforting your child?! Especially when they’re crying and in pain?! It’s quite sick actually. It infuriates me so much. This and the checking in to A&E with zero explanation because they’re crying out for the “what’s up hun?” Comments. They might as well have just put a status up saying “desperate for attention, give me some please!” 😡🙄

I’d be lucky to have Remembered to take my phone with me. Let alone think ‘oh must ‘social media’ this situation and update regularly.

mental

I think it's harsh telling you to get a grip after what you just told us. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. For what it's worth, I don't think your situation is even remotely the same. Posting photos of your daughter who has passed, living her life (in hospital or out), is lovely, and harmless. Posting photos of your child undergoing painful medical procedures, in distress and in pain, at an age where they can't really consent to their digital footprint, is not the same. I'm sorry for your loss.

We regularly have to get parents to delete photos and videos because they’ve took pictures with other patients (children) in the background or members of staff without their consent.

I find the 'Oopsie, little Johnnie's broken his arm again, old, we should get a loyalty card for A&E'. pretty tedious. But not the friends who post irregular updates to a closed group about what's going on with their ongoing situation. These are people who know the family and care about them.

Duplicate post

I don’t know how they can even take the photos or videos.

My son has been in hospital a lot but the only photos I’ve taken in picu or theatre recovery was to send to his dad because he couldn’t be there.

It really is each to their own and I totally understand how some parents find a quick photo an easy way to update family and friends. I’m also very sorry to parents who lose a child so young, so understand their need for photos.

However, using your child for likes is just attention seeking.

@InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow

'Maybe if op didn't mean people like me, she should have used her words more carefully.'

I'm very sorry about your daughter Emma but the op was not referring to parents in your situation. I think you are being over sensitive here and taking umbrage.

It's the posting of drama on social media at the expense of the child's distress that is being discussed.

I'm pretty repulsed by anyone who has a SM account based on their children, healthy or otherwise.

I usually post to facebook when at a&e in an ironic way because my friends will sarcastically comment “u ok hun” to wind me up. Never put photos of the child I’ve taken with me on social media. If it’s m that’s injured it’s photos galore

theres often a lot of waiting around when you get there (although I’ve been there once or twice when your bum barely touches the seat in the waiting room and that’s even worse) so you might as well put up a post.

I’ve got friends in the medical profession and one messaged me after my post on Facebook, we’d been wrongly triaged and she helped me stand up for my son to get him seen again by the triage nurse. We were straight in a cubicle and surgery the next day.

Ds2 took an overdose aged 12. It was during lockdown so I wasn't allowed in the hospital. I wanted a photo of him once he was stable in hdu because it was a big thing that happened to him and I wasn't there. Just for me, not for showing anyone. But I thought no, dh and the staff will think I'm weird. Anyway a couple of days after he came home, ds2 was asking what he looked like unconscious, was it like in casualty and why didn't anyone take photos. So then I wish I had.

Ds4 is in and out of hospital a lot and he is always asking things like "what do I look like after I go under anaesthetic" or " what do you do when I'm in theatre" and lots of other questions. So I take photos and show him afterwards. Always with permission from the staff. His favourites are the ones of his teddy looking like he is having a cup of tea in the hospital cafe while ds was in theatre.

But taking photos of children in distress and putting them online isn't ok, either in hospital or anywhere else. Photos of your child playing in hospital is fine, same as playing in the park. And for some children, if parents didn't take photos of them in hospital there would be hardly any photos of them at all.

There are always threads on mumsnet where people talk about not posting photos of children in hospital online. They all say they wouldn't even think about taking photos and they would be focused on their child. Then the parents of children who are always in hospital feel judged and get upset. Cue lots of posters saying "but I didn't mean you" etc. So can we please stop talking about taking photos of children in hospital and saying it's wrong. And instead talk about not taking photos of distressed or injured children anywhere, because surely that is the problem here. Also, being in hospital with your child in my experience is probably 10% brow mopping/holding a sick bowl and 90% trying to stop them causing havoc on the ward or trying to escape. Which is just as well really because my child always managed to miss the sick bowl completely and tbh I'd rather be chasing a toddler who is making a beeline for the treatment room again in search of interesting things to play with.

There’s a big difference between posting pictures of a child with a chronic health condition who spends a lot of their time in hospital with hospital as a backdrop and posting ghoulish “look at my kid in A&E” pictures. Which I agree is tacky and attention seeking.

There have always been people like this though and it predates social media. People with a mawkish streak who are drawn to illness and death and suffering. The kinds of people who will tell you in detail about the long descent of their mum into death or the people who insist on ripping off a bandage and showing off their burns. Grief and sickness vampires. Some people love it.

When you have a child who spends the major of their time in hospital, it’s hard not to. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve posted mid procedure pics. My daughter relied on many transfusions to survive. Sometimes multiple a day and when she was relaxed I’d take/post a picture. Brutal procedures I’ve always been with her holding her hand or comforting her, not snapping pics.

Tbh grown adults posting tedious shit about their cappuccinos, their boring dog or their funny (not funny) pre-work selfie is insufferable and narcissistic enough… no wonder they have no self awareness when something actually slightly significant happens to one of their children.

It’s Pavlovian conditioning. They must be drooling to get some medicalised props on that kid asap to get the likes and attention.

YANBU

YANBU but sadly too many people are so addicted to attention, they'll make endless excuses in an attempt to justify it. Why not share your pics with your good friends and family, in the real world. If you dont know them well enough to be in contact with them then theyre not your friends - they're Facebook acquaintances that is all.

There are enough young people out there after all saying they wished their parents hadnt put their pics on social media. You'd think parents would learn but, likes and attention especially if they wouldn't normally get much attention, is their fix. There's no excuse for it

Wasn't there a post/comment on MN this week where the mum was about to upload a pic of her 8 year old DD, and DD said in a small voice 'Please, don't'. It made mum think twice and she didnt post.

I'm sorry your daughter has been through so much.
If you don't mind me asking, how old is your daughter and does she know you post these pictures?
I know I'd hate to have photos of me online when I was ill.

I agree.
People shouldn't post pictures of their children full stop. I don't think the kids will appreciate it when older.

I honestly think the law will change at some point to stop parents putting their kids photos online.
I kind of hope so anyway.

It is attention seeking by the parents.
I have photos of my grandchildren and great grandchildren from birth onwards but not on social media and would not dream of putting them on FB etc.
I was in hostel myself a few years ago and was very ill.One of my sisters put a photo of me on FB with oxygen tubs up my nose and looking, as my mother would have said, like death warmed up. When I saw it I ordered her to take it off I was so horrified.She did not like me telling her.