Weird friend situation - WIBU

[FunnyBunnys]

DH and I are (were) friends with this couple. We used to see them a few times a month for drinks, and they would hang out together, DW and I would hang out alone.

After lockdown, the wife was having a bit of a hard time and had long covid. I totally stepped up and offered a lot of help, and used to say I'd take her out, for coffee, a walk or anything else she needed. Every message was rebuffed and in the end I stopped messaging her as I felt like a bit of a stalker plus I also saw her out and about with other people.

Months later I bumped into them both and they told me they'd not been in touch as she'd been having a hard time and only wanted her good friends around her for support. At some point they'll be in touch. I just smiled and listened, and when leaving just said take care, or something like that.

Obviously I didn't give enough empathy or sympathy to their situation as since then they have both ignored DH and I when out and about, and on one occasion were really rude to my DH. My DH came home quite unnerved and said the man openly ignored him and gave him a filthy look.

All I can think of is that I wasn't fawning all over them when I saw them. I messaged her a lot, she didn't want my help, so I backed off. I saw her about with others, and so I left it.

WIBU here? Also WWYD. I don't want this bloke being rude to my DH.

I'd just leave it, now. They have obviously taken offence to something and I don't think it's worth trying to pursue what the problem is. I have no time for adults who can't communicate openly and instead give people 'dirty looks' - as you say, it is childish.

I can't see that you've done anything wrong. Time to move on and try not to let it bother you.

No anti covid, nor passed it onto them. Can’t think of anything at all we’ve done to offend them.

Rather than just sitting here wondering what we’ve done wrong, or feeling rejected, I’m now angry.

It’s childish, and my DH is a nice man. I’m sure it is because of my dealings with them, not him.

From now on I’m just going to blank them back.

They were rude to my DH. He stopped to speak to them in our local supermarket and they said to him, “no need to stop your shop to speak to us”.

That is super rude!!!!

It sounds like they are clearly offended. Have you thought to ask them directly?

Something along these lines. Sounds like they want some kind of drama in their lives and you really frustrated them when you didn't join in (because you are normal and sensible). They must be furious!

If they ever speak to either of you again, I'd recommend just telling them that they are very rude. Other than that, your plan to equally blank them is a good one. Your offer to help her while she was unwell sounds normal and nice and you stopped when you were concerned that you may be seen as going too far by her. You just can't win with some people; they are weird. Best leave them to it as they've taken enough of your "headspace"!

Wow, how rude of them. Just ignore them and forget all about them.

Other peoples behaviour is a reflection of them, not you. It’s a them problem you’ve done nothing wrong.

Twats

Are you sure they're not older looking teenagers?

It sounds like there is a piece of the puzzle you don't have. But don't spend any time looking back. Move on and focus on the now.

That's incredibly rude, what they said to your DH at the supermarket 😲

Screw em. Let their "good friends" take care of them, well until they get fed up of having to treat them like deity 😉

They sound awful. Walk away and just accept some people are odd. Something has happened along the line but i suspect it’s more to do with them than you. Like the wife has admitted a crush on your husband or something like that 🤣

As others have said - sounds like something happened just before, during , or after Lockdown. Short of asking them outright what happened to make them offended, I would just ignore them back. I'm so sorry

@FunnyBunnys

They were rude to my DH. He stopped to speak to them in our local supermarket and they said to him, “no need to stop your shop to speak to us”.

Well they've just shown you and your DH what low-rent weevils they are. Brush them out of your lives and become invisible to them in your contacts and social media accounts. No need to give them any oxygen in your life. 🌹

Based on your latest updates its sounds like either both of you, you, or your DH has offended them in some way.
As the main rudeness was directed at your DH (and they were just a bit 'off' with you) I would say it is most likely your DH who has in some way offended them.
OR
they have heard some sort of rumer or gossip about your DH which is pretty bad and are believing it.

Something has happened. I'd just outright ask them the next time you see them. You haven't anything to lose except maybe an opportunity to set the record straight (or at least hear what either of you are supposed to have done)

It does sound like they are focussing more on the DH than the OP @Bookworm20

@FunnyBunnys

They are just Massive User's

When they were down in their luck health wise ect they benefitted as a couple or family having you as good friends to them,

The catch now or the negative downside 🤔 now is cause you saw the wife and husband through difficult struggling times through Lockdowns,

as a couple now their personal circumstances has improved so much they don't want to be reminded
that before,
they were vunerable and health wise was weak,
they want to ignore you socially 🤷so you don't remind them or and let slip anything about how hard those times were to anyone in their's or yours friendship circle etc...

Some people are weird

It's their loss really at the end of the day

Well the gap they have left in your life,
means better,
less flakey friends can replace these couple of User's

lol. Screw them. You’ve dodged a bullet!

Quite! What's the worse they are going to do? Ignore you in a shop? Roll their eyes? Just laugh and let them get on with it. I can't deal with adults that behave like this, it's absolutely pathetic. Either say what's wrong or get over it. No need for the dramatic performance glaring and comments.

You say you kept in touch and offered your help when the wife was unwell, over lockdown etc. Did your DH do the same with the husband? If he’s not big on messaging perhaps the couple feel like your DH didn’t bother with them like you tried to? Obviously I don’t know what type of friendship the men had but I’m just trying to think of a reason for them to cool towards him specifically. Especially if the men were friends first.

Do you really want to be friends with people that don't want to be friends?
I would not, when I split with my husband I looked at him and thought why do I want to be with someone who doesn't love me, we split and I had the best 13 years of my life.
Don't ever waste time on people that don't want you

Many years ago we were very good friends with some people who lived close to us, we moved a distance away but still visited each other, phoned etc . One day they came to visit us, said goodbye to them and never heard from them again, wouldn't answer the phone, nothing. It's still a complete mystery to me but nothing you can do if people just don't like you any more.

They sound like very hard work. I’d not waste any more time on them now. Leave them be, ignore and move on.

I am disabled with a number of conditions, one is very much like Long Covid. There are days on end where I physically cannot lift my arms let alone pick up a phone to message people - so do understand how that can happen. Equally there are days when I’m well enough (with planning and a lot of help) I can get out to local restaurants etc . Due to the nature of the symptoms and how much support I need when out there are only a few who I trust to help me. Generally these people are the ones who have asked about the condition and have gone away and researched how they can help. On the other hand I’ve people who message me ‘checking in’ which I just find a drain and -yes it’s selfish - I don’t communicate as much now with those as previously. I’m sure in their minds they are helping by ‘checking in’ as I of course must be bored at home so much! Offers of ‘taking me out’ for a coffee, walk etc would likely be turned down by me as these guys don’t get how difficult it can be to do those kind of things no matter how many times they ask! I’ve told my mum for example over and over again that I physically can’t just pop out for a coffee with her, and then she would get offended that I didn’t want to see her.

I’m trying to give another perspective to try and explain some of the behaviour.
That being said, I’m not (knowingly) rude to people so that side of things is weird and unnecessary.