Husband following hundreds of women…

[Leopardspots338]

So I just want other peoples opinions.
i have recently found my husbands TikTok account where he is following hundreds and I mean hundreds of half naked women. Now I am not talking about gym goers in tight leggings.. I will show you some examples. He is also following hundreds more on Facebook and Instagram too.
galactica.whr
oppai_sense
maysa.alcantara95
ladyaisha27

Now. I am in no way naive in thinking that men don’t look at these types of things. But he has his full name and it’s a public forum where anyone can look at who he’s following. Our kids both have phones and are getting to an age where they are going to be joining social media. I genuinely believe this just shows his complete lack of respect for me. AIBU?

The fact it’s quite public and people can see that he’s following these pages is quite grim but most men use some kind of pornography (I would imagine) is this that different?
does he KNOW people can see what kind of content he’s looking at? I’d probably have a work with my dh and tell him to wise up and look at porn via an incognito browser like a normal human being.
obv if he’s conversing with these women that’s a different matter entirely.

Sounds like an unhealthy addiction, which could spiral. I think that you’re right to be concerned!

My husband bought me a subscription to Vogue and I know it's because he wants to look at the models as he takes the magazines after I've read them! But I don't mind, they are nice to look at and it doesn't mean anything

It's because it's all so public that makes it disrespectful. Everytime he likes a public photograph on one of these tacky profiles on fb it will end up in his friends newsfeed and certainly if he comments on a picture! I had an ex-boyfriend that used to follow the same stuff and his comments would appear in my feed.
Just embarrassing and makes him look sad and a bit pathetic.

I went throughsomething similar a couple of years ago and honestly couldn't see my partner in the same way again. I think it was mainly the huge age gap grossed me out. I wouldn't be too surprised if he follows any of them on onlyfans too

How can he not be embarrassed, ask him if he knows people can see he is following them, his likes and comments. He will look like an absolute creep.

We’ve had an argument he deleted the whole app after I pointed out our kids could very easily look at who he’s following. He then started going on about me flirting with one of the school dads. He’s on another planet

I have no doubt that this isn't the only issue in your relationship. Men like him are useless and pathetic, all the way round. He sounds absolutely repulsive.

Does he use OnlyFans? (I'd be surprised if he doesn't).

Start following a load of half naked men and see what he thinks about it.

It’s gross and completely unnecessary. He sounds like a creep.

@Leopardspots338 He needs to redownload the app and delete his account in settings if his phone number is attached to the account his contacts with tiktok will get a suggestion to follow him and be able to see his disgusting list of people he follows. Would hate for your children to have the app in the future and their dad pop up on recommend or any other family member for that matter! Can honestly say that your a better woman than me he’d be ball-less if that was my DH

Poor attempt at deflection on his part there. Good for you for calling out his letchy behaviour. If you catch him at it again tell him you’ve thought about it and you need an outside perspective from someone who will give him a fair trial, so you’re going to show his mum the account he follows and their posts to see what she thinks.

It’s pointless. He deleted the TikTok but he’s still got them all on Facebook. He sat during the argument and unfollowed all 400+ ha. It’s less public Facebook though because to see “pages” people have liked you have to click on their about me section. He said don’t you follow topless men? I don’t. But even if I did, it’s not pretty much a porno!! He said yes he watches them but he “doesn’t know how or why it shows up as following as didn’t click that”. Then said “I’m a man”. I told him no husband I know would disrespect their wife like that!!!

YANBU. Your DH has a porn addiction that seriously needs addressing.

Most grown men with a mental capacity of over 18 dont use TikTok. Also no normal married guy would follow hundreds of naked women, I can get they migh watch a bit of porn now and again, as that is upto them in a private capacity to have some self indulgence/pleasure, I know as I woman I do from time to time.

Heck we even watch a bit together, but full following like this shows a complete next level of inapropriate adicitive behaviour.

YANBU.

He’s a knuckle dragger.

Your husband really is a knuckle dragger. It's shocking.

Is this really how you're going to spend the rest of your life? It's unthinkable to me, to be married to a man who has absolutely zero respect for me as a person.

Yep, totally grim.
If he uses his full name, also very unwise, work colleagues and potential employers can very quickly find this.
What is it with men, young women, and the need to do this? And why do they see it as OK?

Yep thats weird. The majority of them are probably spam, fake or bot accounts too. Is he internet savvy? Like does he realise these are probably accounts created by criminal gangs? Does he know that you dont have to like and follow someone if they try and connect with you. If I found my partner dis this I would just ask him, if you dont have the type relationship where you could openly ask him and you would expect a reasonable if totally naive answer then I would be questioning what the point is of the relationship if you lack this level of openess and trust.

Your husband sounds like an absolute prick!

A 38 year old "man" with a TikTok account following skanky women?!! TikTok is for people who haven't got their own life!

I'd be running a mile from someone like that!

Another reason why social media is the root of all evil.
The fact he has been following HUNDREDS of women on multiple platforms screams of obsession. That is not normal behaviour, I'd wager he has a porn addiction you don't know about if he's been unashamed to openly follow these women, I'd ask what is he doing in private?
Bottom line it is a total lack of respect for you, he's embarrassed you and himself publicly. The 'I'm a man' comment makes it even worse, being male isn't an excuse to disrespect your partner. The fact his response is so flippant just makes it obvious he will do this again.

I'd be mortified and disgusted. I don't think I could get over that if my DH behaved in such a way.

Tbh I think anyone over the age of 25 with a Tiktok account is questionable. Sexist or not, social media obsessed men in particular actually revolt me.

i’ve just had a look at those pages
and they just make me laugh
i can’t see anything remotely attractive or sexy about them 🤷‍♀️

showed my 38 year old husband to see what his thoughts were
he said he didn’t find them funny like me but he can’t understand why anyone would do that to themselves and they look awful

They come up because that’s what he’s previously searched. TikTok has an algorithm and it tailors your for you page to things you’ve previously searched, if you search/watch cooking and baking a lot - 99% of your feed will be cooking and baking.

Clearly the man been searching “huge ass” and “twerking”, A LOT! And also because he’s actually FOLLOWED them, which you could quite clearly see… don’t let him gaslight you. It’s not fucking normal..!!

Oh bless, perhaps these are the nice ladies that say hi, and he feels obliged to follow and reply.