Maintenance for son

[NunyaBusinessNow]

My ex partner (we were never married but together for around 10 years) currently pays maintenence of £400 a month for our DS, almost 3 years old. He is quite a wealthy man - he owns farmland which he leases out, he gets around £40k a year for this. He has stocks and shares worth around 100k. Assets in total of about 2.5 million. Doesn't work, currently lives off his inheritance, or interest off his stocks and shares (not sure exactly, but I know he doesn't work).

He does also pay half of our sons nursery, his half comes to £264 (DS is in nursery part time). So in total, my ex pays £664 per month to me.

I'm struggling financially although I wouldn't like to admit that to my ex. He and his partner have bought their house outright, mainly off his money, so no mortgage while I'm still trying to save a deposit. I can only work part time at the moment.

WIBU to ask ex for a little more maintenence? If so, how much should he be paying? He pays the current figure as I calculated 12% (the amount I believe the CMS use) of his income (passive income, the land) and I came to a figure of £400 p/m.

He does also have a child with his current partner, who not long turned 1.

I don't want to seem grabby but I am working and desperately trying to save a house deposit to give my DS a permanent home (we currently live with my family), after he walked out on us when my little one was 3 months old. Impregnated new partner within around a year of our baby being born. Him, new partner and baby have a financially confortable life and here is me struggling away.

WIBU to ask him to increase his maintenance?

To what amount? What were you thinking?

I don't know, that's my dilemma. I was hoping someone could give me some advice. I really wouldn't know what a reasonable figure was based off his income/other finances.

He did originally say, around the time that he left, that he would give me £1200 per month, and that would cover a couple of days nursery fees as well. However that didn't come to anything and he gave me the CMS calculation amount. I'm nit saying he should give me £1200 but it jsuybseeks unfair that he's sitting on all his money, new child has a comfortable life and here's me struggling away.

Not unreasonable to ask but also unlikely to get more through CMS and probably likely to get a lot less. Is it worth risking him deciding to not pay and making yiu go to CMS?

Not sure you can expect more...my ex was a high earner and I received just over £400 for two young teens, this was through the CMS. Have you gone through CMS or is this a private arrangement?

Why don't you work full time and ask him to cover half the cost of childcare as he does now?

Could you perhaps ask that he pays for more childcare instead so you can work more. If your relationship is decent then you can frame it as increasing your opportunities to improve son's life long term.

No, it was done privately, as I told him that if we had to go through CMS, it was likely that a fee would be added on by them (which I've heard is true).

I think given he pays half nursery fees as well (as he should), I don't think you can ask for more really. I suspect if you went through CMS, you'd get less - it's based on income, rather than assets. Obviously, when your child is older, half towards uniform and school trips etc. is reasonable.

Well you can ask…

Why can you only work part time though? I’d say the reason is pretty crucial to how amenable he might be. If it’s due to childcare, you might have more luck saying you need more CM in order to pay for full time childcare etc.

CM is usually based on income not assets by the way & his other child will be taken to account so you may end up with less.

I think you get plenty I’m afraid. If you want more money you need to earn it.

It's not really his problem that you're trying to save for a deposit, he doesn't owe you anything now you're not together. And I know it sounds harsh but it's true. Why don't you work full time?

I'm also sometimes missing out on income because of his inconsistency in taking our DS on his designated days. For example, he and his partner and baby are attending a wedding in Italy at the start of May. He only informed me of this yesterday, I do locum type work so have had to cancel this, resulting in a loss of income for that period. It's not the first time that it's happened.

To answer a few posters questions regarding why I can't work more - our son is in nursery 2 days a week. I work on these days plus the weekends that ex has him. I've had DSs name down on the nursery waiting list for 4 months to get extra days to allow me to work more however they don't have any further availability at present. Ex won't have DS for any more days.

It’s a fact that your ex is wealthy and you are not. You are not entitled to his money to fund you, only your son. I would go full time to earn more and ask him to cover half of the childcare costs. I would also point out to him that when he’s unreliable that’s a loss of income for you, so he can be more reliable.

Op - you know that whatever the amount the CMS calculator says takes in to his account his income and how many days he does or doesn't have him, AND in the governments eyes that covers everything. So, he is ALREADY paying the nursery fees more than he needs to.
Tread very very carefully here

I have pointed out to him that him being unreliable results in me losing income but he just doesn't care. Continues to cancel contact when something else comes up, meaning I have to cancel work.

So if he’s like this with your son, imagine what he’ll be like about money?

I personally wouldn’t rock the boat, and would try and get your ds into nursery full time so you can work a bit more and ask him to cover the rest of the half.

Are you claiming all you can UC and child benefit wise? Have you done a calculation?

If you live with parents can they not help out if he cancels, so you can still work?

You are not paying rent/mortgage?

I don't get any UC however I do get child benefit.

Family member has a physical disability so isn't capable of looking after my DS for any length of time. While I do live with family, I do pay living costs ie a percentage of rent, bills, groceries etc. I've got nursery fees, car for work, extra therapies for DS (he goes privately for a medical condition of his). So my outgoings do mount up.

Ask for help either the health condition fees?

It sounds difficult, however it is best not to compare your ex's living standard to yours. Put that out of your mind, comparison is the thief of joy. Let them get on with it and you try and live your best life.

You can ask.

I wouldn't risk it. Over 600 a month for one child is a good chunk of money. Him being mortgage free etc is irrelevant, he's not going to sell the house to pay maintenance.

The risk you have if you push it too far is that it goes to CMS. With passive income, its a lot harder to get much of anything legally required. You could end up with a lot less.

It's really difficult when they're not reliable. It sounds like more childcare, more working hours and a request for more support for nursery fees may be the way to go? Are you using the tax free childcare? And any funded hours you might be entitled to?

Good luck

I told him that I was getting DS these extra therapies as the NHS waiting list was long, he already knows that they would cost extra money however he didn't offer anything towards them.

Didn't offer

Then you say 'we can go halves, your half costs £200'