Maintenance for son

[NunyaBusinessNow]

My ex partner (we were never married but together for around 10 years) currently pays maintenence of £400 a month for our DS, almost 3 years old. He is quite a wealthy man - he owns farmland which he leases out, he gets around £40k a year for this. He has stocks and shares worth around 100k. Assets in total of about 2.5 million. Doesn't work, currently lives off his inheritance, or interest off his stocks and shares (not sure exactly, but I know he doesn't work).

He does also pay half of our sons nursery, his half comes to £264 (DS is in nursery part time). So in total, my ex pays £664 per month to me.

I'm struggling financially although I wouldn't like to admit that to my ex. He and his partner have bought their house outright, mainly off his money, so no mortgage while I'm still trying to save a deposit. I can only work part time at the moment.

WIBU to ask ex for a little more maintenence? If so, how much should he be paying? He pays the current figure as I calculated 12% (the amount I believe the CMS use) of his income (passive income, the land) and I came to a figure of £400 p/m.

He does also have a child with his current partner, who not long turned 1.

I don't want to seem grabby but I am working and desperately trying to save a house deposit to give my DS a permanent home (we currently live with my family), after he walked out on us when my little one was 3 months old. Impregnated new partner within around a year of our baby being born. Him, new partner and baby have a financially confortable life and here is me struggling away.

WIBU to ask him to increase his maintenance?

It’s not unfair that he has a house and you don’t. He had the means before you got together, you didn’t. As long as he’s paying for his child, which he clearly is, it’s not his job to fund you a house.

He would probably say that his DS has a permanent home with him if he needs it.

Lots of fathers refuse to pay cms and/or take full responsibility for childcare. It's a national disgrace.

Some posters on here have suffered with even worse partners than you. They hold the opinion that anyone who gets more than them, is 'lucky'.

We need to raise the bar.

When you were together do you know if he submitted tax returns? Assets it could be that it is trusts.

I'm not 100% sure but I believe CMS can use tax returns as income assessment however if he has good accountants/legal advice you may risk receiving less money.

How is your relationship with him? How were the finances before you separated?

It's worth asking if he can increase payments for your son but I'm not sure anyone can give you a figure since it really depends on his income. Is he saving for your son, will be pay school fees?

Keep his new partner out of it

Unless you ask for the money to be taken out his bank then CMS don't take a fee. Him having another child and overnights with your son will bring the amount you get down.

I would ask outright for him to pay at least half of the private therapy straight out.

I'd also try and find some weekend childcare to cover your shifts. And then tell him he needs to pay for this when he can't have ds when he should so you can stilk work. or maybe switch weekends.

I'd lean away from a straight maintenance lift as that will enable you to peg things in for the future such as activities, school etc costs.

Ask him to pay half of the therapies for your DS. Otherwise I don’t think he needs to give you any more. Can you find another nursery or childminder so you can work more?

You need to ask him straight to fund half the therapies. And don’t wait for him to offer.

on days you have to work and he cancels contact, he has to arrange for alternative childcare (his parents?) or pay for your missed work. You need to speak up.

you also need to increase your income yourself, it’s not his responsibility. I would think £400 should cover your child’s
food and clothes and some
activities. You should also get funded childcare hours soon. Increase nursery time or find a childminder so you can work one more day per week at least.

Can you ask him, moving forwards, to pay for 58ngs such as:
swimming lessons
Something like beavers and uniform
any other regular activity you both agree your son would benefit from - especially if it is something your ex does, eg football, a musical instrument etc

A lot of good points on this thread. I think perhaps what I need to do is ask him to contribute 50% towards the therapy, that's what's actually crippling me on top of everything, it's quite expensive.

He contributes over £600 per month. I think that's fair. Maybe I have a skewed perspective because I've never received anything from ex !
I would be careful to rock the boat, if he doesn't have a wage as such, you may find you are entitled to nothing.

If you can lay out your costs for DS, for example clothing/heating/food/activities/therapies etc and show your ex that his £400 doesn't cover half of these costs, you may be able to persuade him to pay more? Not much you can do about him being reliable on his visitation unfortunately but I would definitely try and get him to have DS on alternative dates if he cancels his regular weekends so that you can work and make up the lost wages.

Can you claim DLA for your son? That would give you some money towards his therapies.