Do I really have too much on my plate

[WelIdontknow]

I have been feeling burn out recently and spoke to my GP, to which she said I have got too much on my plate.
I have been managing okay till now but now it's feels like it's getting but much. I am happily married to DH for 7 years with 2 yo DC and currently pregnant, he does his share of house work mainly focussed on DIY and drop offs, I do the cooking and we have robovac for cleaning. We both work full time, he works 5 days, I work 4 days and studying for masters. We both have to travel to work few times a week, DH does most pick and drop for DC. I cook packed lunch for DC as nursery doesn't provides lunch which we knew from the beginning but chose the nursery due to being the closest to our house.
We have no family to support us with childcare so from day one it's just been the two of us looking after DC. DC is becoming more challenging now as a toddler and every morning feels like a struggle to get him ready for nursery, cook something like pasta or soups and pack his lunch and get him out of the door for drop off and get myself ready to catch the bus for work. I have felt very exhausted in this pregnancy and DH does helps with getting DC ready for nursery but every morning we end up arguing because of the difference in our parenting styles. I feel so mentally exhausted as the first thing in the morning after all this is done even before my work starts. I feel like now I am barely coping.
I am worried about when I have a newborn and a toddler to look after as we are looking to reduce the nursery days for DC when I am on maternity leave.
Looking for some suggestions from other parents here on how to manage with young DC and working full time.

If he's doing the prep leave him to it, get on with your own stuff. The rest of it does sound exhausting though . Is your masters important for your career? If not can you defer?

First you two need to reach a sensible agreement on how to parent. Arguing about it will be raising your stress levels, which you can do without.

I agree, you have a lot going on. However it can be done with careful planning and the two of you working as a team.

How many weeks pregnant are you? I ask because tiredness is very normal in the early and later stages of pregnancy. You need to factor some rest into your day, somehow. Your baby’s father needs to step up and take on something else, to allow you to manage.

Sit down with him and discuss a way forward. Be assertive but not aggressive. This is not a time for arguments.

I found pregnancy with my second child just exhausting in the way the first wasn’t - I think because you’re less able to just be pregnant and take it easy with a young child to care for (I also don’t do any drop offs or pick ups). My work productivity just had to take the hit for the duration, and that was without me having studying for a Masters on top.

Unless his parenting style is actively damaging or negligent then can you just agree to disagree to some extent? He’s presumably a good dad who you trust if you’re having a second baby with him - you don’t need to be in control of everything, let him get on with it.

It sounds as though there are also probably lots of little things you could simplify. Cooking lunches every day for one. Much easier to batch cook a pasta salad and then just scoop into a container as needed each morning.

Thanks for some good suggestions.
Also, wanted to add work has been quite stressful for the last 6-8 months and I moved into this new role after a promotion. The new manager is very unsupportive and never appreciates any efforts or hard work I have put in my role for last 8 months and that has been very demotivating and stressful. I can't change jobs at this stage as I am already 20 weeks pregnant and need my maternity pay.

This was exactly our setup, we have a PT nanny now. It was the saving grace for us. Is that something that you could do, or even a cleaner to come and do the bulk of the hard chores? That extra pair of hands just helps so much.

Do you cook his lunch for him every day? Cook things in bulk and he can eat the same thing for three or four days, that removes some pressure from you. Prep the night before, so whilst your DC is going to bed or having a bath, put everything in a lunchbox ready for the morning. Why do you argue due to your parenting styles? If you can both nip that in the bud then your day will start in a less stressful way.

I get everything ready the night before, and shoes on whilst they're eating breakfast so we are ready to go on time with not too much stress. I have a 2yo and 4yo, currently 33 weeks pregnant, no childcare help other than nursery, and DH and I work full time. I can sympathise 😆

As for work, can you talk to your skip-level manager about your manager and recognition at work? Do you have regular 1:1s with your manager, and if so, do they know how you feel?

@Onetiredbeing we had a PT nanny when DC was younger then we had few days of nursery and few days of her each week, it was nice but she had her own baby and not working now unfortunately. Need to look for another one as we moved DC to nursery full time after that.

@Redherringgull yeah I cook every morning, I need to cook in bulk. Haven't spoken to my manager directly about how I feel as she has been quite critical of my work so far, I am non confrontation sort of person and don't know best to communicate this to her the impact this is having on me.

@Redherringgull congratulations on your pregnancy 💐

Try using the SBIE model for feedback:
Situation Describe the place, time or circumstance
Behaviour Describe what you observed (not what you felt or any impressions)
Impact Share the impact of the behaviour on you - explain your experience to your manager
Expectation Describe how they could modify that behaviour to achieve a different result in future. What could that result look like?

It's a great way to bring up more challenging feedback but in a practical and non-confrontational way.

@Redherringgull thank you for sharing that. I will look into using it to speak to my manager about how I feel about her behaviour.

From a Uni lecturer teaching on a Masters course, you probably should be working at least 20h per week if it's a part-time course. So on top of a 4-day per week job, a toddler and a tiring pregnancy, yes you do have too much on your plate.

Full time job, studying for masters, toddler, pregnant… plus all the domestic stuff? Yes this sounds very full on.

I have a full time job + toddler, it’s a lot.

If I were you I’d:

• stop cooking meals in the morning. This is insane - why are you doing it?
• Hire help for domestic chores - I have someone come and do all the big cleaning plus laundry

How much longer is the masters? Can you pause it? Seems a lot to manage on top of existing commitments.

While I agree you have a lot on your plate, I'm also pregnant with a toddler and a full time job and it's hard.

Have you had your iron levels checked recently? I found out at my 28 week appointment that my ferritin level is really low and that's made me so tired! I've started taking an iron supplement and I feel I have a lot more energy (well as much energy as you can have when you've been up since 4am with your toddler and now at work!)

Does your child need a hot lunch? Would sandwiches be easier made the night before?
Or something I used to do for school lunches, would be to reheat leftovers from the night before and send that in a thermos bowl thingy.

Yes.

Full time job.

Masters soaks up hours.

Toddler plus being pregnant.

Yes, you have too much in your plate.

When you cook in the evening
Cook an extra portion/s
Use this for the packed lunch the next morning
You can add fresh, tinned, dry fruit
Yogurt
Boiled eggs
Tinned meat or fish

Definitely no need to make packed lunch in the morning !

Honestly I think you have too much going on to not be exhausted all the time. You can tweak things here and there, but you have just chosen to take on a lot, and then take on some more, and then take on another bit more... I don't think there is any mystery about why you are tired, or any magic solution that will allow you to continue doing all that and not feeling wrecked.

I'd ditch the making a hot lunch in the morning unless heating up leftovers or a can of spaghetti and sausages (my kids loved that).

How long left on the masters?

I used to get everything ready the night before, clothes laid out, bags packed which helped.

Yes you have too much ongoing at once

Are you getting proper sleep ?

Suggest take some mult vitamins, fresh fruit for vitamin C too

Thanks for some great suggestions. GP is getting my ferritin level checked this week. GP wants me to take some time off everything and rest to make sure I don't fall sick soon. I am still unsure about taking several weeks off as suggested by GP

I will look at some ideas on packed lunches which I can do in batches or at least a night before.

Could your toddler have what you had the night before for dinner in the packed lunch?

I would absolutely not be cooking of a morning for a start.