I'm so shocked

[iamsoshocked]

I've just found out that someone I used to know is a Paedophile.
He was the dad of a pupil who used to have lessons in our house around 10-13 yrs ago when our kids were around 2 and 5 yrs old. He regularly used to drop off and pick up. He was nice! As was mum, and we became quite friendly with them both, sitting down chatting with a cup of tea after the lesson etc.
He was caught and sent to prison.
I saw mum a few months ago and was asking all about how the boy was doing now he is grown up, but there was no mention of Dad. I had no idea at the time.
I'm just so shocked.

It just goes to show that you can never tell who is who.
And his poor wife and kids. They were just such a nice family.

AIBU to be so shocked?

The older I get, the more I know.
Worked with 3 , over the years. Didn't find out until it went to court.
Kid I grew up with.

Lad I went to school with. That was quite recent.
Definitely at least a couple I know about, we all know about, in our local area.

Didn't see any of them coming (apart from the kid from my street, maybe).

i wonder, are people like this born with the urge to do stuff, or do you think it develops over time and circumstances?
Ie, I wonder if the man who was in my house several years before his conviction had these awful thoughts already in his head, or could they have developed later on?

Someone needs to figure the answer to this out because we need to know how to stop people becoming paedophiles in the first place. They come from all walks of life. Many of them had perfectly normal childhoods so what triggers this and how do we make sure the next generation don’t turn into abusers? There’s not enough research being done because let’s be honest, who would want to do that research?

I have worked in prisons and have come into contact with many of them.
Of course any peado is disgusting but it always shook me more when it was someone who wasn’t your ‘typical’ peado eg young, good looking, charismatic etc.

On our estate growing up there was at least 1/5 homes that had a convicted peado living in them.

Its definitely always worse when it’s someone you know and someone tho you don’t get a bad vibe off.

I think most of us assume/hope we would pick up on a bad vibe.

What scares me is how many men I’ve met who would easily charm their way into women’s lives and these are the ones that have been caught - imagine how many haven’t been caught.

I just don't understand how you can have children yourself, but actively abuse other children.
Intelligent, successful, family men/women. The mind boggles. Just why.

Because having children doesn't automatically make a person more moral. Plenty of parents see their children as extensions of themselves who exist for their benefit; why should they think any better of another child?

I recently googled someone I worked with in my first job and found out he'd been done for having indecent images (1000's) on his computer - I'd only googled as I was just wondering if he was still alive and I remembered roughly where he lived. I was shocked as I never got any sort of weirdo vibes from him 😦

I had one as a guest at my wedding op dh's friend - literally had no idea.

I watch a lot of the paedophile hunter groups on fb and most of the predators they speak to look like an average Joe member of the public

There was a true crime show on Netflix where they were hunting some of the most prolific across the globe. You'd be amazed at how many sites are up and running on the dark web and the millions of people signed up to each site who venture in there out of curiosity and get addicted. I know someone who was addicted to a different type of porn, but one he had to pay for and wasn't something publicly acceptable. He told me once it was looking online at normal porn then getting suggestions for rougher and weirder viewing that completely desensitised him. I honestly think a lot of men have become so immune to the debauched nature of most porn they need more depravity to get their kicks and eventually that leads them to the dark web. We keep ignoring it because it isn't in our faces, but it is a growing issue.

My old headmaster was a convicted paedophile along with another teacher from the same school.

Happened in my office. One of the managers, the 'nicest and kindest man you'd want to know' turned out to be disseminating CSA images/videos online. I don't mean 1 or 2 between like minded perverts, it was a large scale operation. Very young children and the most horrific images according to info that filtered down. Every one of us was absolutely stupefied. He was a wonderful manager and very sympathetic for anyone's 'family needs'.

And to add to that he was always in charge of the yearly 'Bring your Child to Work Day' which included at times being alone with this child or that. Never behind a closed door and not for prolonged times, but still. By this time my DS was an adult and when I asked him in a round about way if he was 'aware' of anything he seemed puzzled at first and then said 'Jeeez Mum, NO. I would have told you'. Pretty much the same from coworkers who asked their own children. I guess we were lucky that he was 'careful' enough not to bring his abhorrent behaviour into our office.

There's one at my church, he got jailed for one but I'd bet every one of my organs that there were many more victims.

You should see this old fucker, he's got that weinstein shuffle down pat.

It is shocking.

I learnt recently that pedos have the same rights as any other parent with regards to access despite convictions in some cases.

Meaning a judge can award a pedo 50/50 access to their own children despite being in prison for abusing children.

And since pedos are not men and some women go through ivf under nhs, we could be using our taxes to fund them having a baby and having rights to parent their child despite being a pedo.

So that the pedo's children invite their friends round and the pedo then gets access to all the friends.

Especially on sleep overs etc.

It’s estimated (based on allegations, what’s accessed on the dark web etc) that there are enough people with a sexual interest in children to fill all of the prison spaces 4 times over.

It's always a shock to find out something like this.

A teacher I worked with for years was convicted and imprisoned for this. He always seemed such a sweet and moral man. Involved in the church and local scout groups . Very popular with his pupils. I was totally gobsmacked when he was convicted.

But I suppose that's the issue- hidden in plain sight...

They often come across as nice and very normal. You don’t let weirdos near kids.

What a grim thought but yes I bet that’s accurate.

I once heard that there would be the equivalent to one in every tube/train carriage to put it in perspective amongst the general population. It’s absolutely shocking and vile and makes my skin crawl.

It's a shock to realise you know someone is a paedophile, but they and e.g. murderers and the like don't have labels on their backs saying they are those things. Most of them look and talk like everyone else - until they are caught. They walk among us, sadly.

Not unreasonable to be shocked, though. Most of us would be too, when it comes down to someone we know.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/harriet-harman-lord-chancellor-labour-government-ministry-of-justice-b2530024.html

They are at least now being stripped of parental rights, which enables their own children to be made to visit them despite all other children being kept safe from them. A terrible thing to have gone on so long. I felt so terribly sad for the mother with daughters who had to pay £30k in legal fees to keep them away from their convicted father (Womans Hour had her on a couple of months ago, it is worth a listen but quite shocking).

I was threatened with being reported to HR for refusing to care for a convicted paedophile when I was working in the community.

He'd been housed overlooking a primary school. I'd previously fostered CSA victims. He needed creams applying to his legs as well as other personal care.

I refused point blank to put caring hands on him.

🙌 Brilliant- well done you. I’d be the same. Imagine having to do that to help him 🤢 fuck that, I’d rather get fired!

I've never come across one, that I know of, but very aware that I probably have and just don't know it.

There is also the fact that there are, very broadly speaking, two types of peadeophiles.

A) the ones who wish to abuse and do harm to children.

B) the ones who admit to being "attracted to children" but claim would never, ever act upon it, and some even feel a deep sense of shame about it.

I saw a documentary once which touched upon the second type. One of them (in America, and talking openly on camera) basically moved to the middle of nowhere in order to keep him away from any kids to remove any temptation.

Terrifying.

(Also, of course, is the fact that these ones who claim to not be a danger to anyone as they would never act on it, are most likely in possession of indecent images, driving the demand for that, and therefore, very much doing harm.)