I'm so shocked

[iamsoshocked]

I've just found out that someone I used to know is a Paedophile.
He was the dad of a pupil who used to have lessons in our house around 10-13 yrs ago when our kids were around 2 and 5 yrs old. He regularly used to drop off and pick up. He was nice! As was mum, and we became quite friendly with them both, sitting down chatting with a cup of tea after the lesson etc.
He was caught and sent to prison.
I saw mum a few months ago and was asking all about how the boy was doing now he is grown up, but there was no mention of Dad. I had no idea at the time.
I'm just so shocked.

It just goes to show that you can never tell who is who.
And his poor wife and kids. They were just such a nice family.

AIBU to be so shocked?

Yes loads in my little village. How is it so common amongst men.. why has nature made them this way, it is against the natural way of everything. They should all be burned alive.

Well that's nice for you 🙄

You worked for the NHS for ten years and don't know what mass hysteria is?

What was the job?

It really isn't.
I have previously worked in children's safeguarding in a very affluent area. The number of child sex abuse cases was huge.

I know of 3, I’m shocked every time.
one was my neighbour who lived underneath me, was always in my flat helping, offering to baby’ sit my girls. got 26 years for crimes I can’t even describe, but it was happening underneath me and I knew nothing.
one was the son of a lady I looked after, no jail time for him. Just got questioned for grooming, got caught by the Peado hunters. quiet timid young man.
and one was my uncle. He was weird but still surprising to learn.

actually just remembered we used to care for a convicted peadophile aswell, social services took package back as once we found out we refused to go in there,

also my Nan has a 78 year old neighbour who was done about 10 years ago for historic abuse against boys.

so that’s 5 I know of!

You never noticed any. Not the same thing.

I have read that rapists and paedophiles are often charming. They have to be to get access to their victims.

There was a female one at a local school. Family members attended there and she was actually the safeguarding officer for the school. It was all over the national news, she was imprisoned recently. Beyond belief, such a shock.

Given that the whole point of this thread is that they hide in plain sight how exactly are you so sure you never met a perpetrator? And as for victims, well unless your work was in that field how would you know them either?? And if your work was in that field and you never met a paedo or a victim in 10yrs I think your dept must have been extremely overstaffed!

And yes, two in our village. The chap who runs a small shoe shop (caters to the elderly not kids) was done for child pornography images and one of the local vets (we're rural so there are quite a few) was quite recently done for animal based porn images/sex acts with animals.

As a child there were two teachers at my prep school convicted, a man who ran a local church group for children, and the music teacher at my secondary had been sacked from his previous school for having an affair with a pupil (no a paedophile but still inappropriate relationships) and picked out a “special” sixth former every year until he retired.
As an adult there are a couple of men in my village who children have been warned to stay away from for as long as I’ve lived here. There’s also the friend of a close relative who is serving his second jail sentence for approaching children online - close relative is in absolute denial and even approaching the second conviction still allowed this man to be around his children.

I believe there was a recent Australian study that found 1 in 6 men had had sexual feelings for a child.
I also read an article in the last few years that suggested that easy access to porn had actually damaged the brains of porn addicts as they seek yet another high as specific types of porn become dull to them. I’ve discussed this (where appropriate - obviously I don’t start a conversation about this, but I’ll bring it up if it’s relevant) and most men are very defensive about porn and how harmless it is, even though porn appears to be implicated in several deviant behaviours in men. I find their defensiveness and inability to discuss it like grown adults interesting.

My childhood best friend from age 4 to 20 ( she left our city to work in london).. her Dad turns out to be a pedophile with boys from the boys cadet group he ran.
My parents were friends with them too. I used to stay over at their house.. have tea.. we went to same school and college
She had 3 sisters and a brother..
He seemed a great Dad and husband..
We were in our 40s when he was caught and jailed. Her Mum divorced him.
Both passed now.
No one ever knows truely sometimes what goes on with people you know.

I remember finding out about a friends husband. Had no idea. It was a horrible time and in the media a lot. The friend was absolutely slated because it was believed she knew something, but I know now she was being horrifically abused by him too. Once he was convicted she finally was free.

And then she died in a crash, she didn’t get the chance to experience life. Absolute sin, the whole thing. It was horribly sad.

I would avoid sleepovers with kids

Now I know what I know. I think that should be a safeguarding issue. No matter how lovely the mum is or how well you know the dad.... what about the uncle who pops round? The grandparents who are also staying over etc etc

So I was astounded to I discover there are different types of child molester: paedophile refers to a preference for pre-adolescents, hebephile for 11-14yo and ephebephiles are 15+. 🤢

Me too. It's one of the scariest things about them. Works both ways though, they think I'm nice when in reality I'd happily see them put down.

We have just over 900 registered/convicted in a city of over 200,000 including quite a few females. If someone wants to work out the maths, I’m too tired.

There is no stereotype they come from all ages, backgrounds and educated to all levels and many are/were married.

Not a paedophile, but an ex-classmate (and a friend) of mine killed a man and got life without parole. The circs were horrific, it wasn't 'one punch gone wrong', self defense or anything of the sort.

We weren't best friends, but we used to hang out in the same company a lot. He was a completely normal guy. Not a trouble maker, not aggressive, but also wasn't a 'quiet and closed-off' type, wasn't bullied, nothing like that. Friendly, talkative, a normal person, got along with other people. We drifted apart after school, however.

So one night he was walking home after a party. Alone. He met another guy whom he didn't know at all and had no problem with (by his own admission). He beat him half to death, took all of his clothes off and left him in the ditch, on the side of the road. It was November. Then he proceeded to walk home. After a little while, he changed his mind, came back and continued to beat the guy until he died.

I came to know about it from newspapers. I still don't understand what the hell happened to him, why/how could he do that..

Drugs?

In contrast to that, I have never met anyone convicted of a sexual offence or even charged with one, with the sole exception of a nice old guy convicted back when being gay was illegal.

I don't suppose they openly tell people about convictions

They aren't in prison long. Plenty of time to rebuild their life

As far as I am aware, the police/national crime statistics estimate that the majority are never caught or convicted, around half of those convicted never go to prison due to lack of space. They are not going to tell anyone about their conviction. That is why we need Sarah's law.
I am thinking of one particular man that I reported and he has never been traced. I assume he has changed his name and moved on.

I know of four within a few streets from me. One died in prison. Another one is out now. One got stung by one of those hunter groups. The last one had thousands and thousands of images but he somehow skipped being banged up. Oh and all four of them live or lived one or two streets from the primary school. On the main route the kids go to and from school.

A police officer told me that seaside towns are riddled with them. Watching kids on the amusements. Preying.

These people cannot be rehabilitated and they do not deserve pity. It’s not a sexual orientation. It’s not consensual or positive or loving.

I remember this.
Horrified doesn't come close 😱

Online child abuse material produced by AI is being discussed on channel 4 news now.