To consider moving schools over this

[AngryToast94]

TLDR: is poor communication and a lack of reward enough reason to move a settled and happy child to a new school, and also potentially lose close friendships I have made through school.

For context: 1 7yr old child very settled and happy in school, excelling academically, fantastic friendships. 1 4yr old child, indifferent towards school, doing well academically, no solid friendships yet.
(Also worth noting that through school I have made a fantastic group of mum friends who I spend a lot of time with with and without children and we're all very close, holiday together etc)

The concerns: 1) communication - the school don't communicate ANYTHING, they give out vague instructions extremely last minute. One child has 2 teachers, I have met one teacher once for 5 minutes in March and never seen or spoken to the other (we have to drop off and collect at the gate, which is quite a distance from the classroom doors so never get near it). They have dojo to message the teachers on, but they never answer messages. School even took my 7yr old on a trip but didn't inform parents, it was walking distance so they didn't feel the need to! They never post pictures on the apps or send out newsletters about what they're up to. I feel hugely distanced from what my children do for 30 hours a week due to all of this.

Concern 2 - reward - the school have 3 weekly rewards (star of the week, point champion and class mascot) my children have never had any of these rewards. Despite having really positive feedback at the 5 minute parents evening we had which included "he's a pleasure to have in my class, you must be so proud of him". Other children have had some of these rewards 3 times throughout the year. It seems really unfair and it triggers from my own childhood when I also never got rewards despite being well behaved and working hard, when my peers would misbehave all week and be good for one day then get these rewards over and over. (I am worried I'm allowing my own experience to shape my thoughts on this for my child) I think every child deserves at least one reward. And there's even enough weeks to ensure all children get each reward. Rather then a select few getting them over and over ☹️

YABU - you're overthinking it, your child is happy and these problems are not enough to move them and lose your own friendships too
YANBU - it's worth looking at other schools so your child is properly recognised for their hard work and you are more involved/ informed of their day to day learning.

Thank you!

I think these are valid concerns but I don’t think I’d change school in these circumstances.
What you can do is bring some of the issues to the schools attention.
Is there a PTA? Would joining it help you give more feedback?

You are being unreasonable. Can you imagine how much teaching time it would use to be constantly taking photos and uploading them for 30 parents? Or to respond to all the messages sent by parents, of which most is likely drivel? As for star of the week - there are only 38 school weeks a year so stands to reason each child will be lucky to get this once across the year given UK class sizes. If your kids are happy and doing well, that is the main thing. I think you need to adjust your expectations of parent-teacher engagement.

What do the children want to do? It’s not unreasonable to want better communication from the school but what is there to communicate at this stage? It seems a bit like you want that primary school level of communication from a high school.

If your children are happy, learning, and developing well your reasons are not good enough to move. People always say 'kids adapt' but it is harder than you think, not least for you. Your fantastic group of mum friends is the kids' community; don't underestimate the importance of that. It is not all that easy to infiltrate somebody else's fantastic group of mum friends.

Is this a primary school? I’ve not known of any secondary school that has star of the week etc.

I’d move if you’re not happy. I moved mine and regret not doing so sooner. Lack of comms and last minute everything was one of the factors that helped with the decision!

They don't need to tell you if they're taking your children out during the day.

Teach your children resilience and that external praise is less important than knowing they've worked hard.

And enjoy your friendships / holidays with the other parents!

Yeah, I think so. Not 17yo and 14yo children, but one 7yo and one 4yo.

The grass won’t be greener. You will lose all the good things about your current situation surrounding the school. No one will throw you a parade for rage quitting. Your children are 7 and 4, what are you expecting the teachers to talk about? They are safe and settled and happy. Not all children should win awards for showing up because it’s “fair” it breeds entitlement and contempt.

Poor communication with parents isn't unusual and has nothing to do with whether it is a good school.

If it is a good school I would not move them. The education is what's important, not the comms.

Btw a lot of what you mention is standard practice across all primary schools - eg on permission form for all walking trips.

Yabu, I think.

Teachers are under so much pressure. Time they spend communicating with you is time they are not spending focused on your child. A lot of these details (like walking somewhere in a lesson) it makes no difference whether you know or not.

star of the week systems are generally annoying. but ultimately meaningless. Don't sweat it, don't make your children feel its a big deal. It won't make any longterm difference to your children 's education.

What I would move schools over:
Bullying.
Toxic social isolation of my child or my child becoming a school refused.
Shockingly inadequate teaching (eg not providing a qualified teacher over a prolonged period of time).
Safeguarding concerns.
If I'd moved and the commute was terrible.

I know she said her 7yo was excelling academically, but I doubt they’ve accelerated her to secondary because of it!

Try to think of all the positives - your children appear to be happy in school, they are obviously being well taught, the oldest has good friends, you have made a good support network around you.

It sounds like a lot to give up. And potentially could end up on a different school with same issues but without those really important positives.

I would contact the school office, ask if you can arrange an appointment with the teacher- talk through your concerns. Are your children bothered about the rewards or is this quite led by you. (Personally hate reward systems!). Would you feel happy they got a reward because you complained? You mentioned that the teacher said you must be proud - celebrate this with your child.

Communication - don't worry,most schools are not great at this. You probably also signed something to say they can go on local trips before they started. I wouldn't be concerned - infact how lovely they do this.

There are going to be lots of things you don't like in their education but honestly if they are happy then that is one big box ticked!

High school at ages 7 and 4?

As an early years teacher all of my class would have had star of the week at some point over the year, often for very specific reaons.

Some staff are very poor at communicating and they must let you know if your child is leaving the school property however many schools cover this by asking a parent to sign a form before the child starts school, which allows local/curriculum based trips. Getting permission slips for every single time is way too time consuming. Risk assessments will have been submitted so they are safe.

Staff often don't have time ro respond to all the messages they receive. If that is an issue for you, causing issues for your child then uou need tomspeak to the school.

Personally the fact your children are happy in school is a big thing to keep them there. My concern, and we've had big issues with secondary school, is that regardless of what others tell you, there's no guarantee a new school will be any better!!

How many seven and four year olds go to secondary school? 😂

Your concerns are valid. I would raise them with the school and see if any progress can be made. Getting the PTA involved is not a bad shout.

Whst is important to parents wildly differs but personally I would not remove children for these issues.

School can trigger stuff from our own childhood experiences and it sounds like you are aware this is a possibility. Don’t let this derail your childrens’ experience, which is not yours.

Things like star of the week should really be a revolving door at primary school, with everyone getting a moment in the sun. If this is definitely not happening, you could consider mentioning it.

No school is perfect, most are in my experience deeply imperfect, but that mirrors the people in them! And none of us are perfect.

I think you are way over-thinking this. A school where your children are happy, settled and achieving isn't something to pass up just because you're not getting a regular newsletter. What exactly are you wanting in terms of information? Are they following the national curriculum? Do they bring homework home? Do they bring home some kind of notebook thing with assignments in, marks etc? I have a feeling primary school teachers are so busy they simply don't have time to be answering hundreds of queries/messages every day and also composing a newsletter and uploading photos!

The reward thing - well teachers will have their own criteria for dishing these out and are largely meaningless.

Why do you think it’s a secondary school when the kids are 7 and 4?

Your DC are happy so I would not move them.

Regarding the rewards, I would email the school office and ask for them to forward to the class teacher.

I know we were incredibly lucky and we had excellent communication which came from our head who also stood outside every day come rain or sunshine to greet parents and genuine open door policy. So it is annoying you don’t get this. Your head must have a day when you can go in for a chat about your concerns. But don’t move your children if they are happy!

Perfectly acceptable to raise these concerns, if done correctly. If there messages not being replied to it etc. concerns about lack of rewards rtc

I understand your concerns but YAB extremely U to think that moving schools is the answer.

If you are not happy with the communication from the school, you need to speak to them about that. Running away from the problem isn't going to solve it. Time to pull up your big girl pants and start advocating for your children. If the class teacher isn't responding to your emails, contact the Head or Deputy Head, or phone the school office and say you have emailed several times and not had a response. Then email the teacher(s) and point out to them that your child hasn't had 'Star of the week' yet and you would like to help them to understand what they might need to do to get it as it will boost their confidence.

An outing from school which is within walking distance is just part of the school day and doesn't need communicating to parents. I can understand that you think it would have been nice to know but it really isn't something to be concerned about.

I've just had an email home this morning to say my daughter has got Star of the Week. She's 17, in Y13, and will start sitting her A level exams in 3 weeks. So some secondary schools certainly do star of the week.

If teh children are happy and doing well then don't move them, it could be the same or worse in other schools! In fact a lot of what you say resonates with ours. It is very common to have poor communication and also that children who are always "good" get taken for granted as rewards are used as a tool to incentivise and reward and are often given more to those children who find it harder to expectations. It is not fair as you say but the bes you can do is raise your concerns with the school in a supportive way and make sure your children know how proud you are of them.