Should I contact police or not?

[Roocakes]

We’ve had an on/off problem with our neighbours, they’re around 75-80years old. They’ve been here for years. They don’t have family and they’re a bit short of money but can manage as far as we can tell. They can be pushy: the man has sometimes told me off for not opening the blinds in the kitchen and remarked I was “shutting them out”! And the wife came round and shouted at me for not collecting a package they’d taken in. Me and my partner have done things for them but we felt they started to expect a lot more and expected us to give things or pay for things which we weren’t prepared to do. Since then they’ve ignored us which we thought would happen.

Over the last few weeks I’ve noticed the man following me out to my car (I park in a side car park) when I go to work and he’s appeared when I’ve returned. He doesn’t say anything, he just walks past me and my car. This has happened nearly every time I’ve gone out in the morning. They’ve also taken to coming to the back door when we’ve returned home.

My partner says to ignore it and that he isn’t following me out on purpose. This feels like harassment but if I involve the police it could potentially cause more problems: other neighbours siding with them; I could look like I’m overreacting.

YANBU this is harassment, contact the police
YABU ignore it

Maybe his routine is the same as yours?

Why on earth would you call the police?! 😂

I don't understand the issue here?

@DrJoanAllenby He’s only started doing this in the last 2 weeks. I go out at a set time. He’s not dressed up to go out and he’s not catching a bus. His wife stands at the window nearest our door and he’s stood at their front door. As soon as I go outside, he appears too and follows behind. It’s like me and my shadow.

I think you need a bit more that that to speak to the police.

Where does he go/what does he do once you're in your car OP?

If you've never had creepy neighbours you don't understand what it's like. This stuff escalates and escalates and not feeling safe in your home, or leaving or entering your home is a horrible feeling.

We are going through something that started off more innocently than this and it's escalating further and further.

So I would say keep an eye, get cameras outside your house so you have evidence if the behaviour starts escalating (we had paint thrown over our car by them for literally no reason other than we told delivery drivers we would no longer be taking in parcels for them, which they never asked us if that was okay anyway. And I WISH we'd had cameras before they did that). And if it escalates I'd seriously consider moving.

But you definitely need cameras, because they won't look at anything without proof.

Also, trust your gut. There was a news story about a woman who reported her stalker to the police, got fined for wasting police time, and then he ended up murdering her. Police do next to nothing useful these days.

I don't think your over reacting.

You know the difference between him just being there by chance and actively being out at the same time as you and walking the same walk as you to make you feel uneasy.

I wouldn't necessarily report it to the police yet, but I would keep a log of dates and times and see what security you can get should things escalate.

Sympathy OP, it sounds uncomfortable to say the least.

Just a word about neighbour disputes... which need to be declared if you ever sell the house. If you make this official by going to police, you'd have to declare it. It might not be relevant or applicable to you, but just something to balance up.in the decision making.

@potato57 it doesn’t take much to set them off, does it?

Two elderly people next door. They're hardly being a menace. Had you thought that they might actually be worried about you?

Can you test it out next time? Leave your home to go to your car, wait for him to follow you and then pretend you forgot something & go back in your house? If he continues walking then maybe he's odd. If he doesn't, his reaction will tell you what you need to know.

Personally I would catch this on video (mobile or CCTV) before speaking to police.

I've had issues with neighbours which culminated in the male of the couple taking photos of me through my bedroom window during the day. He stopped after coppers paid a visit.

Very helpful, thanks. I’m sure if roles were reversed and we started walking behind him repeatedly after watching him go out, he’d feel uncomfortable too.

As pp said, I think you need to do something to ascertain whether they have a legitimate reason to do the things they do. Go to car 10 minutes early and see if he still comes out at the same time, or go at normal time and pretend to forget something and see what he does.
This will give you a clearer idea to what you are up against .

As others have said, until this happens you, you can't understand how much it can affect you. I've had a similar situation that started with the odd horrible comment based on things a neighbour imagined in her head. It made us feel anxious every time we left the house. It escalated badly and after several years we had no option but to move. The police were involved but it didn't help, I think she was lonely and liked the attention.
I would put up with it for now but keep a written diary, maybe use doorbell camera. If you own your home be very wary of putting anything in writing publicly or making anything official with council/police as you have to declare this should you need to move. The police won't do much any way.

Get DH to come out after neighbour each time. It'll make it obvious you're on the the behaviour.

What a weird thing to say.

Do you have any camera evidence of this happening? I actually would contact the police, even if to just ask for some advice to be honest. They sound weird and they are harassing you.

How lucky some of the posters are here who think this is all a big joke and these lovely little elderly people are just worried the OP is ok! Harmless, because they're old...Nuts!

Thanks for these suggestions. I will try changing my routines and see if it alters or stops his behaviour. Partner is keen to ignore it all and pretend it isn’t happening so I doubt he’ll want to accompany me to my car. Thanks also for reminding me that if we do make a formal complaint, it would need to be declared if/when we sell.

I think if it carries on, it’s probably best we move and/or rent the house to some heavy metal fans 😊

@oui Yes Some elderly folk can be incredibly unreasonable but people will side with them because of their age. I do feel sad for this couple but I’m not going to tolerate harassment. So I’ll keep a record and put some cameras up.

Have you simply stopped and asked him why he is doing this and if its a coincidence ?

Don't be daft. That would be too easy.

Far better to make a drama out of it.

''told me off for not opening the blinds in the kitchen and remarked I was “shutting them out”! ''

If anything screams trouble ahead it's this. Why is it anyone's business who else opens or shuts blinds? As for shutting them out it obviously means they want to be able to see into your kitchen, creepy as hell. I'd have told them fuck off at this stage.

Get yourself a camera doorbell, don't engage with them at all, ignore any knocks at the door or any comments they make. Keep a record of any weird, creepy or threatening behaviour. Hopefully a camera doorbell and ignoring them will be enough to stop this escalating.

Honestly what are you going to tell the police ? that your elderly neighbour leaves the house at the same time as you each morning but doesn't approach you or harm you in any way.
I'm sure you'll have swot team on your doorstep instantly

Some people on this thread are either really stupid or very nasty

It is unnerving behaviour, it's not normal, and I would feel stressed about it too

But you must get cameras, front and back because if this escalates you need it on video there and then, not wishing you had footage and waiting for the next time before you ring police.

Once you've done that, I would see if the behaviour continues, if it does I would ring the police for advice and also there's stalking charities you can get advice from too.

@Rosa @DrJoanAllenby Given that the couple stopped talking to us a few months ago, I don’t think I’d get anything useful out of it. It’s more likely they’d claim I was being aggressive to them and/or accuse me of being mentally unwell.