Should I contact police or not?

[Roocakes]

We’ve had an on/off problem with our neighbours, they’re around 75-80years old. They’ve been here for years. They don’t have family and they’re a bit short of money but can manage as far as we can tell. They can be pushy: the man has sometimes told me off for not opening the blinds in the kitchen and remarked I was “shutting them out”! And the wife came round and shouted at me for not collecting a package they’d taken in. Me and my partner have done things for them but we felt they started to expect a lot more and expected us to give things or pay for things which we weren’t prepared to do. Since then they’ve ignored us which we thought would happen.

Over the last few weeks I’ve noticed the man following me out to my car (I park in a side car park) when I go to work and he’s appeared when I’ve returned. He doesn’t say anything, he just walks past me and my car. This has happened nearly every time I’ve gone out in the morning. They’ve also taken to coming to the back door when we’ve returned home.

My partner says to ignore it and that he isn’t following me out on purpose. This feels like harassment but if I involve the police it could potentially cause more problems: other neighbours siding with them; I could look like I’m overreacting.

YANBU this is harassment, contact the police
YABU ignore it

I'd look into getting a motion activated dash cam that records front and rear of your car.

Sounds as though they're attempting to intimidate or provoke you in some way.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to feel unsettled by this. However, I don't think that (at this stage) the police can do anything about it. He hasn't spoken to you or trespassed on your property.

Although I completely understand why you're bothered by it, his behaviour isn't actually threatening or aggressive. He is just walking past your car. He is allowed to do that. He is also allowed to be nosy and to come to the back door of his own house when you're letting yourself into yours. I don't think there is anything the police can do about that.

I would definitely keep a diary of each time it happens, including the exact times, to see if it could be put down to just having a similar routine or not. And it would also be worth seeing whether it happens when you're with your husband (or to your husband when he's alone) to see if there's a particular pattern.

I think I would be inclined to say a breezy 'Morning!' to him every single time just to let him know I didn't give a shit, but that's just me.

Have you thought of contacting social services? I wonder whether the following/stalking behaviour could be a symptom of dementia or something (I have no idea about illnesses of the elderly).

Perhaps if you explained their behaviour and that it has suddenly started happening and that you are concerned (and find it a little threatening), they will come and do a care/competency assessment. They should be able to act without saying who has called?

There was an episode of nightmare neighbours where the dispute was between a young family and an old couple who lived downstairs. The old couple were nasty, racist, aggressive and violent - at one point the woman hit someone with her walking stick. They were amazed and aggrieved when they were confronted by the police, and taken to the station after they waged a campaign against their neighbours. I do think some people feel they are above the law. And that applies to older people as much as younger. OP, trust your gut, get cameras and log what he is doing.

Get cctv in case it becomes a bigger issue . Install some they can’t see maybe , to prevent issues

Trust your gut on this.

A cheery hello each time you see them, but nevertheless, cctv around and a dashcam and keep your wits about you. Worth keeping a diary as well.

They’ve also taken to coming to the back door when we’ve returned home.

Do you mean they stand at their back door or they come to yours?

I would also be trusting my gut. We get the creeps for a reason. I would agree with others about some sort of cctv and a friendly good morning, but I would also be keeping an eye on the situation. Agree with others about changing your routine a little once in a while too.

The following does sound unsettling but I don't think I'd be contacting the police just yet. Definitely get cameras up so you have evidence. Do the neighbours reply if you speak to them? Do you say 'morning' or anything when you see them? Just wondering how bad relations have got between the two households. When you say he comes to your back door when you come home, does he just stand there by the door?

They sound very unpleasant.

Do get camera doorbells so that you'll have evidence if the behaviour escalates.

It sounds like a form of bullying that you have to stand up to. I agree about the cherry hello. "At last some sun!" or something and then get on with your day, rather than stopping to engage. I would want him to think I had noticed but was not intimidated.

Agree with others it sounds very odd, just thought I would mention as I do t think I seen anyone else mention, to ring 101 and just discuss your concerns and ask for advice, I’m sure they can offer advice on next steps but definitely agree change routine/ get cameras and if they are waiting at your back door, I would ask politely if everything is ok x

I see why this might be unsettling

But believe you me you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get the police to do something about neighbour behaviour even when there's worse things than this.

The police aren't going to do anything about what you've mentioned.

If you are actually worried then then best advice I can give you is to get cameras.

@BMW6 no he goes to their back door and stares at us. @purpleme12 I agree there’s a lot worse out there and I will probably get laughed at if I make a formal complaint.

Right, I think I'd just make a point of smiling broadly and waving at the twats then

3 things
wave and say hi
get cctv or ring door bell
calling SS as suggested sounds like a good idea

It shows you do not feel intimidated and evidence as on its own , standing there seems innocuous so you probably need to show a pattern to be able to report if things escalate

Switch up your timings. Go out earlier.

Just wave. If they're staring just say hi! And big wave and smile. Make them feel uncomfortable.

Age is no bar to horrible behaviour. My worst neighbour is a pensioner. And it is not dementia before anybody suggests that.
Keep a record of everything and get cameras as others have said.
The police are frequently slow to understand the effect of intimidating behaviour but this shouldn’t stop you at least discussing it with an officer now so that you have it recorded if things should get worse.

I had this @Roocakes and it was also an elderly neighbour, though not that elderly.

Talking to the police was something I decided against. I'd have had to declare it and I thought the likelihood they'd actually do something to me/the family was very very slim. It was more intimidation.

Here's what worked

1. I started talking to them again. I know, so strange. But it worked. Hello, nice to see you etc. Once they felt respected/not ignored they drastically reduced the harassment.
2. I tried to make it I didn't go outside alone for a while.
3. I didn't do it straight away but another neighbour did - get cameras on all doors. Make sure they see them being installed. Stand back and look at them while being installed.

The most helpful for me by far was talking to them again. Now we are all pleasant and I plan to keep it that way. They like your neigbours got strange with us because they felt we weren't talking to them enough, weren't being friendly enough, weren't including them. It was a very very strange experience as we were actually the only neighbours who's spoke to them.

Hope things get better soon.

You are shutting them out by not opening your blinds?
That's really weird. They think they have the right to look through your windows into your home?

I agree with pp start changing when you leave the house and see what happens.

Yes it’s odd because I only shut the blinds at night. This remark set off alarm bells about control and monitoring.