Is this child being abused?

[DDDN]

This is more or a WWYD but posting for traffic…

I was doing nursery drop off today and saw this mom with twins (3-4 year old) First time seeing her there so maybe new? She said ‘I should slap you for this…lets go’ to one of the children. First part in foreign speech (I speak this language too) and ‘lets go’ in English. I believe the child left something…I was in the corridor fixing my child kids’ coat in direct view of the doorway they were standing at (6 meters away from them). Not sure what to do or even if anything should be done??? I do not want to get involved in other moms business but can’t get the image of the child out of my brain…he was just looking up at her frozen. I feel like she said it to my child…I know that sounds crazy. I did say to her ‘be careful what you say. You might get reported in the language we both speak. She said ‘ok thanks ‘- totally unperturbed.

Mind your F business and move on? Or
Don’t be stupid - tell staff!

I don’t want to cause issues for anybody…I mean some people can say violent things and not actually action them…wish I never over heard this.

That’s awful. I think I would have a word with the nursery manager.

Better safe than sorry.

As a safeguarding officer I would urge you to mention this to the safeguarding lead at the school.

Write down all info you can; date, time, place, what she said. Pass it over to safeguarding and then they will decide whether to report it further.

Definitely mention it to the nursery manager. There may be other concerns and this could be part of the bigger picture.

I work in safeguarding. Please talk with the nursery manager who will then take appropriate action.

But what can nursery do? Even had she carried out her threat, giving a child a slap is not illegal in England.

I wouldn't have tipped her off to watch what she says.

As others have said, report this to the safeguarding lead at nursery. Be assured, this is standard safeguarding practice.

Little bits of information add up to a bigger picture.

The way safeguarding works in the UK is that schools and other establishments have a "single central register" where any reports of potential issues are recorded. This is because often individuals will notice things that are not necessarily in themselves enough to cause alarm, but several individuals might each notice something that, when put together, do cause alarm. You reporting what you heard is not going to trigger a call to social services by itself, but it will go on the register with any other information that is collected about this family. What you saw may be a completely isolated incident, or it may be part of a bigger picture. You will never know, but the person in charge of the register will put the picture together and act accordingly. This is why you always report anything like this. Don't worry about under or over reacting, just pass the information on to the person who's job it is to decide how to react.

You can report it but sadly nothing will be done

Report it to the school/nursery ASAP.

Safeguarding is everybody’s responsibility.

Yes you should report this.

I also think it's a bit strange you said I did say to her ‘be careful what you say. You might get reported". That sounds like a warning not regarding her behaviour but to hide her behaviour to me.

She didn't slap the child though. And it's not illegal in England to smack your children, whether that's morally wrong or not. I don't think I'd report this.

Yes, mention it to nursery. I work in one. Was once outside a different one and witnessed a father screaming very loudly and angrily at his child that he’d just picked up in his car. I went straight in and informed them.

No better she didn't realise you understand what she said in foreign language. Now she'll be on her guard in your earshot.

Agree.
Makes me sad seeing children treated like this.
But not sure what can be done
If she'd actually slapped him ...
(My colleague did step in and tell a mum off from slapping her child once. )

Bit unnecessary. She’s here, asking, and checking for advice. You attacking doesn’t make you sound an awful lot nicer than the mum she’s talking about.

Please report

If you report, take all the emotion out of it. Just state facts. She said, she did, child said ,child did. Child seemed..

It will go in a file and if other concerns are present or reported in the future it will eventually escalate. If it's nothing, nothing will happen.

Thanks to everyone responding. She did not physically harm the kid. @OCDmama I will sleep fine tonight because I have not done anything wrong. Your under this impression that if I had told the nursery today - they would take immediate action and take the kid away? Which from the professionals who have posted seems very very unlikely. And I did warn her that she may be reported (obviously it would be me and she knows as only I witnessed)….not to encourage her to hide it better but to spook her enough at least not take it further when I was out of sight etc. So how am I coward? And it is not wishy washy to get second opinions nor it is clear the child is being abused…which is the dilemma. Of course if I saw the child being physically harmed not would I only report her, I would physically take the child away from her. At the same time, do I want to get her in trouble for a throwaway comment (even if terrible)?

Tbh it seems that her saying it alone means nothing unless she actually hit him but my reporting may be used in the bigger picture (if there is one) or at least noted down should safeguarding becomes an issue for the family in the future. I will report it tomorrow. I will make it clear that no physical harm occurred.

Thanks everyone!

Some people are mad!

it isn’t illegal to slap in England and she didn’t even slap the child, she just tried to get him to move.

Unless there is more to this than you have posted, you may not approve of her parenting but no authority would care. I am amazed that people claiming to be DSLs say you should report.

I think that posters saying it's nothing haven't experienced a childhood of constant threats of violence and wondering just when the promised slap, punch, kick or other penalty will be exacted upon you. I think it was more stressful than the actual hitting, as once the latter had happened, at least you didn't have to worry about when it was going to happen for a while. And the facial expressions, mannerisms and everything you had to be constantly vigilant for, combined with the strange, singsong (so as to have plausible deniability) threats. It means you never ever feel safe.

I'd report and not feel an ounce of guilt or doubt about it.

Are you saying that you are a DSL and that if you received multiple reports of similar incidents involving this family you would just ignore it?