To ask if it's normal to feel this stressed every morning?

[imablue]

School run with a 5 year old and a near 2 month old. The level of stress that I feel each morning I genuinely don't think it's normal. Where am I going wrong? Does everyone struggle as much as I do?

Every morning without fail I'm rushing and the baby always cries for a feed when we're near ready for setting off.

I try to prepare everything the night before but somehow it still goes to shit everyday. I feel like I'm wishing time away and hoping things get easier.

AIBU?

Do you have another adult you live with who could help you in the mornings?

Do you have a DP? Given that your baby is so young could he not do the school run for a while? The first few months with a newborn are tough.

@JacquesHarlow Yes my DH but he has to leave for work before we get up

Really sorry you're feeling like this. This is not your fault, it sounds very normal with kids of those ages. The baby's needs are very immediate and yet you have to get the older child to school. Honestly I don't think there is any perfect way to prepare, maybe try an earlier feed for bb but otherwise - any way your partner could help with school run? Otherwise all I can say is it will get easier, it may take a few months, once the baby is more 'grown up' as it were. You are doing brilliantly and have my full sympathy.

Can the 5 year old go to breakfast club so that DH could take him there, even if it's just one day a week?

It was normal for me when I was in your shoes and doing it by myself, yes. I also had the same thoughts that it couldnt possibly be normal to feel that stressed. The school run was a very gruelling and complex thing to pull off each morning.
It will 100% get easier over time, your baby is so young. Don't best yourself up, you're normal and doing a great job.

The other thing is if there is any way your partner could change his schedule temporarily so he could take the school run for the first 6 months..

I hate school mornings and I only have one, I imagine it's very stressful with a baby. And the 5 year old is still at the age they need assistance and pushing to do everything to get out the door. Can you feed the baby while your older child is eating if they are crying as you need to leave?

Mornings and getting to school on time was always the most stressful time if the day for me! It’s probably normal.
Especially as you are tired and probably not in a proper routine with the baby yet.

I suggested this and his work aren't willing to be flexible. He is in the process of looking for a more suitable job but nothing has come up yet

I think it's normal at these ages, but it will get easier soon when your baby is on more of a feeding routine.

Yes I'm struggling as we don't really have a proper routine yet. DS2 wakes up and feeds at different times each morning

Totally normal. I remember when I went back to work after having my son a friend asked how I was coping and I say "yeah great, except for the mornings - I really need to get into a smooth routine. It's carnage at the moment but once I get that sorted it'll be lovely."

She said "AHAHAHAAAH! You poor chump! The mornings are always going to be carnage!" Which was both depressing and reassuring. And I must say, although things have got better over the years, it has never become the finely tuned process I was hoping for.

@imablue - I hear you! Mine were similar ages to yours and this stage was so stressful - I’d be in tears or close to tears most days. DH’s job didn’t give scope for him to help.

There were many many times when I just had to let the baby cry - it wasn’t great but it was all I could do. But as others have said, it will get better and you are not alone 💐

I still feel this level of stress with my youngest two DC, who are 16 and 12 year old and always have done around the school run. I have been doing it for 17 years now. Deadlines make me anxious and there's nothing much I can do about that (even though I have tried), so I have just come to a position of acceptance that I will stress about the school run and I make sure that afterwards I get into work and use the first hour to do something easy, repetitive and calming. I do monitor my stress levels on my smartwatch and they do spike at 7.55am but then I box breathe, drink nice drinks and tend to absorb myself. Can you do similar OP? Almost counteract the stress after the school run?

Sorry you’re feeling so stressed - whether it’s normal or not, I can’t say. I know plenty will agree with you but I actually never understand the stress personally. I get both kids up and out before school on my own and it’s never a rush or a stress; I don’t say it to sound smug but just to wonder what it is that could be different about our experiences. I would get stressed if it was all last minute and rushing but I just make sure we are all up in time so that we’ve allowed enough time to get stuff done; I factor in last minute feeds or changes etc. I never understood people saying they couldn’t get up and out in the morning with 2 kids/ a baby. But maybe you’re not a morning person?

do you set yourself an alarm?

The thing that helped me is that we would all get washed, teeth brushed and changed before we went downstairs.
Then breakfast was usually a bit calmer, try and feed baby a bit at that time too.
Any spills on school uniform can be wiped off with a wipe or if dc is very messy, a napkin/cloth tucked into his neck.
I used to play phonics videos to the older dc during breakfast. Kept them distracted and learning and freed me up.

Op this was us for just a few runs and it was a disaster. My baby was a severely reflux baby too so never slept and just cried and cried. School is a 20 min walk only but it is all uphill so I was absolutely wrecked and this was in the hard thick of winter. We had no help and everyone travels in to dc school from different places, so no one I could ask either. We just hired someone to do it for us eventually. Costs a lot but it just gave me so much relief to not drag a screaming baby in the worst weather pushing uphill.
I don't know if there's anyone around you that offers that - ask on your local groups.
I don't know what you can do , but I really , really understand what you're going through.

The crux of your problem is this:
Yes I'm struggling as we don't really have a proper routine yet. DS2 wakes up and feeds at different times each morning
I'm sure you have a routine for the older child, and you need one for the baby too. If you leave at,say, 8:15, the baby needs to be fed at 7:45 ( adjust the timing for whether you have a quick or slow feeding baby). If you have to wake the baby up to feed, so be it. The baby will cry to be fed unless you have already fed it, so you have to plan the window in which you can do that.
A regular waking up time might help with going to sleep timing as well.

It is tiring with a small baby, who is doubtless waking up at night repeatedly, and you don't have the luxury of a lie-in if you have to get the older DC to school. You are probably managing on very little sleep yourself, and everything seems magnified when you are sleep deprived.
I used to find it best to feed the baby just before leaving the house, then he'd be awake for the walk to school and enjoy the activity, and fall asleep on the way back, and I could then have a coffee quietly and relax for a bit/do something useful before it was time for the next feed.
You will get into a routine that works for you, it's early days and you are doing well.

Could you wake baby up to feed when you and 5 year old eat.
It may get baby into routine of waking at set time. Baby will be fed and can sleep later on.
Been there, it is a struggle.

OP my mornings are always stressful and both kids are in school. It's hell on earth every single day without fail despite planning. I realise this may be a failure on my part as I allow TV watching which always slows things down but I'm really not a morning person and I think I'll hate the school run until the end of time.

Actually you do come across smug. You really cant understand that not every baby isn't easy or dealing with other issues? You can be as prepped as you want but it doesn't go to plan?
I had a colic and reflux baby who never slept, cried throughout and would only be manageable while held. Also struggled with my back after delivery so I could hold her seated, no chance of a sling.
When she finally nodded off which was always at wake up time or leaving to school, it was the absolute worst waking her up to get her ready to leave and then she would just cry and cry. My poor ds would be so troubled by the time we got to school, because the baby just cried that reflux cry the entire way.
I almost had a breakdown with the stress of it.
We only did one week and my parents came over to help us till we found someone who can help us with all school runs.

I do find posts like yours so unhelpful because you had a great experience and can't fathom that others struggle. It's only now that when I speak to other people I realised how many found this part so difficult. In fact most of them had help- be it partners, parents, nannies. I have yet to see anyone do drop and pickups at my dc school with a baby in a pram too. So clearly not everyone is doing what you did.

Mornings are intensely stressful. I think the whole street hear me shout at DC today because I was trying to straighten thier collar and they were wriggling and screaming in my face 😬

And if your baby has a poonami all over themselves and you after you are both dressed and you go shower and the older kid spills milk and cereals EVERYWHERE, then screams as you brush their hair whilst you desperately try to dry your own and redress baby at the same time?

Would you feel stressed then? Standard morning in our house.

I remember the school mornings chaos well! Total chaos!

You are not doing anything wrong - it just is what it is. And then, just as you are getting in the car, a child will announce that it is world book day or some such and they should have a costume, or PE kit, or cooking ingredients or ..............!

This is how school mornings go for just about every parent in the country. And it will pass - there will just be new challenges: persuading a teenager to get out of bed, arguing about tweaks to school uniform, ............

Just remember that peaceful moment when you are back from the school run, baby has fallen asleep in the car and you can have a cup of coffee ..... bliss!