To ask if it's normal to feel this stressed every morning?

[imablue]

School run with a 5 year old and a near 2 month old. The level of stress that I feel each morning I genuinely don't think it's normal. Where am I going wrong? Does everyone struggle as much as I do?

Every morning without fail I'm rushing and the baby always cries for a feed when we're near ready for setting off.

I try to prepare everything the night before but somehow it still goes to shit everyday. I feel like I'm wishing time away and hoping things get easier.

AIBU?

Could you pay a babysitter to take the 5 year old to school?

Hold on to the fact that you have a may half term coming up and then it isn't long till summer holidays and you can be more chilled xx

Clothes, coats and shoes, hats etc. all laid out and school bags sorted the night before. Packed lunch in the fridge waiting to go.

I find it easiest to bring toothbrushes to the kids' room so they get ready in one place. They are dressed before we go downstairs, which for us makes it a million times easier, and I put shoes on whilst they're eating their breakfast. Everyone is pretty much ready about half and hour before we're due to leave. Coats go on about 15 minutes before we're due to leave because that always turns to chaos.

A 2mo baby does make it more complicated, yes, but get that feed in earlier so your DC doesn't want milk at the most difficult time.

How long do you have to get ready at the moment? Could you ask one of your 5yo's parents to take your kid to school if they walk past your house whilst you settle into a routine?

Yes, I felt like this with baby and young child as well. Absolute stressful chaos every morning. Didn't matter how much prepping went in, something unexpected would happen to tip us over in to being late, like child hiding his shoes/the car keys, baby pooing up their back/needing fed when walking out the door, nobody doing what they were asked when they were asked it ever.

It gets slightly better when they're older - you can just stand at the bottom of the stairs issuing verbal commands/threats 😂

Newborns are hopeless for trying to leave the house on time with their short sleep-eat-poo cycles.

I felt like this when DCs were young, but it did get a lot better.
With a 2 month old you are still very much in the 'survival' period. What can be cut out and left until you get back home? Things like changing the baby's clothes aren't necessary (no one knows if it is last night's sleepsuit or a clean one, plus it's usually covered with a blanket).
I'd been looking at other ways to cheat the system too eg DD1 was a very sicky baby who would regularly vom all over me, with a particular speciality of timing it as we left the house. I would hang my top by the front door and not bother changing into it until DD was safely strapped into her pushchair or car seat. I would have my shoes on long before my PJ top was swapped for the day's T-shirt!

I agree with a PP of setting a time for the baby's morning feed, even if it means waking them up. It would remove some of the unpredictability.

How independent is your 5yo? Are they dressing themselves? Pouring themselves a bowl of cereal? Packing their school bag with reminders of what they need to get? If they haven't learnt to yet, it is a very worthwhile investment of your time. I would limit this to the weekends initially where you have more time, but then slowly integrate it into week days a bit at a time.

We have always used the format of doing all the upstairs jobs (dressing, teeth etc) before heading downstairs. Once downstairs, the theory is you don't go back up again - the reality is even now at least one of us will need to pop back for a forgotten reading book or tie, but it minimises it and it is a quick dash individual rather than a mass herding. Worst case, breakfast can be eaten on the move, but at least they are largely ready to leave the house this way no matter what delays we face.
When they were little, I used to let them watch TV whilst eating breakfast because I could guarantee it would keep them rooted and out of trouble whilst I ran round and did all the last jobs. Once they got older and more sensible, I removed the TV as it caused delays getting them away from it and out of the door and I was able to do those last minute jobs without worrying they were up to no good! I have always banned playing with toys until all jobs (including eating breakfast) were complete.

Oh that gave me flashbacks to when DD started reception and I was on maternity leave with DS!

I'm afraid it is very common but it will get easier!

I understand I wish I had some advice but I’m don’t as when I had dc4 I couldn’t cope anymore and my dh had to give up work permanently to help me (as I have ASD and so do our older 3 dc) the school run was what sealed the fate of it all as it was the worst part of the day

I’m sorry; I understand why people saying they didn’t find it stressful might seem unhelpful or smug. I didn’t share my experience with that intention, but actually to suggest that it isn’t the case for all people and to be curious about why it might be different for some. I get how horribly hard reflux is; my kids didn’t experience that, but you are assuming a lot to suggest we didn’t have our own struggles / every single person has different things they struggle with. I was actually going through a major bereavement on my own when the baby was the same age as OP, and my baby never slept, and I’d often have to do it all with zero sleep and it wasn’t easy. But i still didn’t find it hard to get up and out ever; I don’t know why! I never understand the struggle. If you have a baby that cries all the time it’s acutely stressful, but they’ll be crying whether at home or dragged on school run so you just learn to tolerate it in a different way to the way it triggered with the first child.

I did do drop offs pick ups with a baby in a pram and a toddler and just made it work. Even on zero sleep and zero support or family around. Maybe there were other parts of parenting that you found easier than I did?

I totally feel your pain op! Mine are now 3,5,8 and 10, but I am still the grumpiest, snappiest mother every morning at that time! I remember the increased stress of doing the school run with a small baby. Do you walk or drive to school? I walk, and I used to use a sling for the babies, as it would usually keep them quiet for a bit longer if they were starting to get hungry.

This is similar to what we do; basically get all the essentials done - food first, then dressed; then we do actually use the tv to occupy the older one whilst either sorting the baby or getting myself ready. 5 is old enough to occupy oneself so even if tv isn’t helpful, they’ll be fine to be left playing whilst you do other jobs. A routine of getting up same time every day is helpful to all; it means the kids know what to expect so they don’t question the process and become so familiar there’s not that resistance.

I get this may be different if you’ve got an older child with special needs but if they’re NT they can be expected to follow a basic routine by 5, they will be expected to do the same at school so perfectly capable of it.

Oh gosh, I remember it well (DC1 in reception, newborn and a 3yo in the mix as well)

How long does the school run take?

Is there anything that can make the journey itself faster? (DC1 scoots? You drive?) So you can minimise the amount of time you are out of the house.

Baby doesn't need to be freshly dressed (neither do you?) as you can do this when you get back.

Think of all the little tweaks you can make so you have less to do. Also do as much prep as you can the night before!

Some days you will have to be late and so be it.

You'll get through it.

Work out the time you need to leave, then a list of the jobs that are required and the time each task roughly takes, then add all together and work backwards, and set your alarm for 15-30 mins before that ? That way never a rush and you’ve factored in contingency so never stressed or late. If you’re not getting sleep because baby waking a lot then it makes zero difference, and can get up and start to crack on if newborn still snoozing ?

I feel you. Similar situation here, 6.5 year old, 3.5 year old and 2 month old, husband leaves for work at 7. I think we might just have to accept that it is stressful for a while until they're in a routine. The things I do to try and mitigate - non negotiable that the big two dress themselves, bribery needed to establish this to start with middle one! Everything sorted night before that can be, ignore the chaos of the house until we get home, get myself dressed at earliest opportunity if baby is asleep/happy and then if she's fed she gets chucked in the sling and everything else can be achieved with her in it!
Having been here once before, it will get easier when they're bigger I promise 😅

I remember those days well! Your baby is very new OP so there's a lot to get used to.
As well as everything laid out the night before I made sure to get myself up and dressed while DH was still home. I found if I was ready to go things seemed a lot more manageable, even if I would have preferred to stay in bed a bit longer.

Then I would get 5 year old dressed and ready with breakfast then wake and feed baby, then everyone shoes, coats and bag at the front door ready to go.

It’s that you haven’t got the level of sleep needed, and that your body is on alert because your baby is so young but you also have the stress of a young child. Huge hugs (sorry I’ve no help, if you’ve things ready at night (shoes, coat, clothes, lunch box clean etc), there’s not much more you can do)
only other tip that saved my life is have your own clothes hair brush and face moisturiser (so you feel human!) out the night before so there’s no searching to be done!)

Morning are stressful. I’m a few years old from it but DD2 was 6 weeks old when DD1 started school nursery. I will have a think and come back later with what I did which was helpful.

If anything, a predictable routine of what is done in which order is even more beneficial to ND DCs than NT. It stops arguments and brings calm with knowing 'now/next' automatically, and has the added benefit of ensuring nothing is forgotten for those with working memory/executive function issues - even at 40, if I don't brush my teeth after my shower there is an almost certain chance I'll completely forget until mid morning at work when I find myself wondering why my teeth feel furry 🙈