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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask stranger if I can dig up their tree in the garden?

165 replies

WaffleDogg20 · 22/04/2024 08:59

My dad had a stroke that left him wheelchair bound and without a voice. when I was 16 which caused my parents to lose their house as they couldn’t afford their mortgage. They were homes in a bungalow. a few months after moving in my mum was diagnosed with cancer, for her 60th birthday all she wanted was this specific cherry tree.

we managed to find one and bought it her and it was then planted in the middle of their garden. It was extremely special to both my parents. Sadly my mum died a few months later but for the last 12 years my dad tenderly looked after this tree and every year he would make us pick the cherries for him. We would find him many times just looking at it in the garden.

my dad died last year and in the rush of having to be out of the council bungalow the Tree was left.

its my biggest regret in life so far and every time I think about it I cry. It’s still in the garden as if drove past a few times.

would I be unreasonable to offer the new tenants a good sum of money to be able to take it? I would love to replant it in my garden as it holds so many memories with my dc.

I don’t know what to do :(

OP posts:
Original poster
WaffleDogg20 · 22/04/2024 09:20

Ignore the state of the garden, it was coming out of winter 😂

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · 22/04/2024 09:22

I would ask for some cuttings. DH took a fancy to a friends laurel tree and took a cutting, it was almost 20 years ago. We now have a rather huge laurel tree in the garden. I’m awful at estimating measurements but it’s possibly 20ft tall.

6pence · 22/04/2024 09:24

I like the photos at different stage idea a pp posted above. Or the jewellery idea.
You can do all these and ask for cuttings.

Whatwaswrongwiththatusername · 22/04/2024 09:54

If it was me I would consider it. But would obviously depend on eg, size of tree/roots, how much potential damage left behind. I would definitely allow cuttings at the least. I think I'd also offer you to pick some of the cherries when they come, not just to eat, but to see if you could germinate from the "offspring" seeds.

Snugglemonkey · 22/04/2024 10:16

Tbh, if I was living in that house I would say no to the tree being moved. I would be happy for cuttings, photos, cherries etc to be taken, but it would be massive upheaval, leave a big mess, pretty much tuin the garden. And as people have said, the chances of success are not high. I think a cutting and new tree is your best bet. Sorry for your losses.

Hoppinggreen · 22/04/2024 10:18

I think you need to think about how you would feel if you did it and the tree died

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 22/04/2024 10:21

I would ask. And, if I was the new owner and you could prove your parents lived there, I would let you take the tree for free. Failing that, there are companies that will graft trees for you (fruit trees are grafted onto a different root stock to make them more resilient and control their size), so if they won't let you dig it up but will let you take some cuttings that's another possibility.

BulliedBySlugs · 22/04/2024 10:22

How big is the tree now OP?

KrisAkabusi · 22/04/2024 10:23

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 22/04/2024 10:21

I would ask. And, if I was the new owner and you could prove your parents lived there, I would let you take the tree for free. Failing that, there are companies that will graft trees for you (fruit trees are grafted onto a different root stock to make them more resilient and control their size), so if they won't let you dig it up but will let you take some cuttings that's another possibility.

It's at least 12 years old. Removing it will do extensive damage to the garden and the root system. It's really not practical to remove it. But do ask about taking cuttings for grafts.

Sugarcoatedalmonds · 22/04/2024 10:23

I would say no if someone asked me to do this, I'm sorry.

I know it means a lot to you but unless you were going to pay for a like-for-like replacement then I wouldn't want the upheaval or faff. There is also no guarantee the tree would survive the upheaval.

I totally agree with what @DeedlessIndeed suggested!

Tel12 · 22/04/2024 10:24

TBH I would leave the tree in place and buy another in memory of your parents. It would be difficult to move and if it didn't survive you would regret your decision, assuming that to the current occupiers agreed.

SmallIslander · 22/04/2024 10:26

I think you might kill the tree by digging it up, that would be terribly sad. Personally I'd plant a new cherry tree. More trees in the world is a good thing.

TravelInsuranceQ · 22/04/2024 10:31

I second what others have said about the tree not being likely to survive being moved.
Also, if the property is a council house, would the tree technically belong to the council and not the current tenant?

Axx · 22/04/2024 10:44

No harm in asking. I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

DrJoanAllenby · 22/04/2024 10:53

Why not ask for some cuttings?

The chances are the tree would die if dug up removed.

DuchesseNemours · 22/04/2024 11:00

Mature trees are moved all the time BUT they are normally grown with the intention of being moved someday so the roots are often pruned to keep them compact and make moving easier and more successful.

As the new owner, I would sympathise with your emotion but think the only way I would be tempted to agree to this is if it were undertaken by a professional company and if the tree were replaced with something similar or the garden 'made good' - depending on my preference.

That all depends on how big it is now. It is small in that photo, but the photo seems like it might be a few years old? If it's not much bigger (maybe it was a dwarf cherry?) then you've got a shot, I think.

If it's grown much more then I would also echo everyone else suggestions to ask for cuttings and some of the cherries to attempt a graft and/or growing a new tree from stone.

2Old2Tango · 22/04/2024 11:06

I too would consider asking if you could take several cuttings from the tree in summer, and hope at least one of them will take. I like the idea above of getting some photos to frame. If you take some summer cuttings, take a bit of blossom and press it, or as someone said previously, seal in jewellery or maybe a paperweight.

In the photo it looks like the tree is in a back garden. Do the residents have side or rear access to even consider moving it? I'd be reluctant to do that in case it dies.

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 22/04/2024 11:11

Awwww. I can see why it's so sentimental to you though. Honestly, I wouldn't try transplanting it. The tree is happy where it is, and digging it up could kill it. Then you'll have no tree, be out of pocket ad have the burden of guilt. Instead I'd ask for cuttings as others have suggested.

DeadbeatYoda · 22/04/2024 11:13

It's not really practicable. The tree is unlikely to survive, it would leave a massive mess in their garden ( even if you made good on the ground it would be a PITA for them.
Why not just buy the same variety and plant a new one? You could reasonable ask for a cutting from the old one but there is no guarantee it would grow well.
I totally get why you would love to have the tree but I do t think it is a reasonable request and it might not be a nice rejection ( depends on the people).
Sorry for all your loss. I lost both my parents before I was 45 and it is hard.

dimllaishebiaith · 22/04/2024 11:14

WaffleDogg20 · 22/04/2024 09:19

Iv just googled it and the cherry trees look huge but it wasn’t like that at all. Here’s a pic, it’s to the left x

If im looking at the right tree it looks like it could be grafted onto a rootstock (the bulge near the bottom)

This would keep it smaller than a cherry tree on its own rootstock

It would be possible to get a cutting and graft it onto a dwarfing rootstock if you wanted a similar size tree. A nursery might be able to help you with this, I've found Keepers Nursery very helpful but there might be somewhere closer to you

Even on a dwarfing root stock after 12 years the root system would be extensive enough that transplantation would be a tricky job

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 22/04/2024 11:16

I think if the tree is still in the garden it's because they love it.

I wouldn't ask them to give it up knowing the tree might also not make it.

You should find out what sort of cherry tree it was though and I do think you'd benefit from nurturing one of your own, so each time you interact with it you can give it as much love as your mum and dad did with the one in their old home.

FrannieGallops · 22/04/2024 11:17

I’m looking out at a cherry tree we grew from a cutting. It was easy.

Ask new owners if you can take a cutting. Asking for the whole tree is not reasonable and will possibly kill it anyway.

Toomuchgoingon79 · 22/04/2024 11:36

Ask for a few cuttings instead, or you risk the tree dying anyway.

Ratfan24 · 22/04/2024 11:40

I would definitely do a cutting it will be genetically the same tree and growing it up will remind you of your parents tending it, plus moving could damage or kill the original tree. Also the new owners are very likely to agree to give cuttings but may say no to taking the whole tree.

Blueey · 22/04/2024 11:46

OP, ask to take a cutting. Far less risk to the tree, it would be awful if it didn't survive the move. Then you have a genetically identical piece of the same lovingly nurtured tree, and the one your dad nurtured will continue to thrive in the place where your dad nurtured it. I think that would be beautiful.

Also you may like to read The Island of Missing Trees by Elif Shafak. Parts of it are written from the point of view of a tree that has a cutting taken from it and it's really lovely.

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