don’t want visitors / to go parading baby around

[jfjfudjdkfjgjnyvyvtxrx]

Had my third and last baby this week. I just want to recover and quietly enjoy him. So far just my mum and dad have met him. My sister has asked to come but also she takes zero interest in my 2 other children so I don’t see why i should jump to her wishes when she’ll literally forget he exists a week later anyway - my mum seems to think my feelings on this aren’t valid. The other person is my grandma. I can’t drive atm, I can’t fit all the children in my dad’s car - it would be 2 trips to get us all there. She’s happy to get a taxi all over the place except when she wants to meet my baby I’m tutted at for saying no to being the one to make the effort. Probably pnd starting or whatever I know but aibu???

Why don't your Mum and Dad bring your Grandma to your house for an hour ?

Doesn’t seem to be an option for some reason

“I can’t drive at the moment, so you will have to come to us. Let me know when works best.”

Yanbu. Stand firm. Even if you had the most straightforward birth this is your time to rest and recuperate.

Visitors at your convenience and comfort.

This.

Your problems are rooted here - my mum seems to think my feelings on this aren’t valid.

Your obviously an adult now, you have your own family; set the boundaries you are happy with in your household; tell them what your willing to accept, and stick to it. If they don't like it - then tough.

Then that's the end of it until you feel differently surely? Tell them you're putting baby first.

Thank you all. Just sick of hearing about it - my mum mentioned it again today. Feel like hiding my phone in a drawer and ignoring everyone for a couple of weeks 😅 baby was in special care and he’s still so tiny and jaundice and feels very fragile, I don’t want him passed around anyway tbh

You’re right to stay home and look after him; it’s really important that feeding goes well for his jaundice to be resolved.

If they want to see you they come to you. Full stop. The end. You have a new born and are recovering from childbirth. It's not up to you to be gathering your whole family together so others can meet your newborn. Absolutely shocking expectation. Stand firm and don't be bullied or guilty tripped into this.

I felt like this too after the birth of my second and third children so my mum hosted everyone at her house so that I could arrive and leave when I wanted rather than have everyone visit individually. Stand firm to what you want for you and your family and don't be pushed into a situation you will regret later. It's never a good idea to hand a tiny baby round a room due to chance of viruses etc but society seems to expect it...do what you feel is right and stuff everyone else!

Tell them you'll be up for them visiting you in a few weeks. Then turn your phone off and enjoy the next couple of weeks getting to know your new baby! If people take offence, that's their problem 🤷‍♀️

"Sorry, we're not up to it yet"

End of conversation.

Then make a nest and stay in it.

I stayed in my house pretty much - except for school runs & good shopping - when I had my 2nd child.

My parents met baby and other than that I just stayed indoors doing my own thing; said no to people visiting / me going to them until I was ready - by then 3 weeks had gone by so :-)

So you're complaining that Grandma isnt making the effort to come to you, but your sister wants to and you wont let her. Sorry but for that YABU. I wouldnt stop anyone that wants to come and make that effort, especially family. I understand not wanting baby to be passed around but a small handful of immediate family seems fair.
YANBU for not wanting to go to Grandmas house. Suggest your mum and dad to bring her, or stand your ground and just say no. Thats an acceptable answer and they will have to take it. There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay home for a while. You're an adult and you can put your foot down and say no.

My biggest regret was letting everyone come and visit in the first two weeks of my baby being born. It meant that my extremely tough breastfeeding journey had no chance of success, people would hold her for absolutely ages when I wanted her and it was all just too much.

I wish I’d done it differently.

‘Parading baby around’
Are they planning on putting it on a carnaval float and taking it on a tour of the city?
I agree parents need to bring granny round, or all meet in a local cafe so each can leave when they want to. House meet ups are never great IMO (but I’m not a fan of hosting).

then just say : NO.

No we're not ready yet. End conversation!

Your baby, your recovery, your rules.
Tell family that baby is still unwell and you will update them weekly about progress.

People for some reason lose all inhibitions and maners when newborn arrives and expect circus level entertainment.
You would not come and hang around at someones place if they had any other medical situation of that level.
And newborns need mum, piece and quiet to adjust to this world.
Not to be passed around like 2am joint.

Say no and schedule them when you feel like it. I did 2-3 weeks visits bans with my children. Including grandparents as they needed to stay several nights as they aren't from around.
Children developed normally and have strong bond with them.
Adults just need to grow up, stop being so self centred and leave mum and baby to bond (unless you want help).

Your gran can take a taxi to and from yours. Tell her that. Your sister won’t mind being told see you in a few weeks once I’ve recovered enough.

We didn’t have any visitors until the baby was 4 weeks old. Like a PP I had a horrendous start to breastfeeding but managed to get established in part due to trying non-stop without interruptions from visitors.
Suggest a time that works for you, your grandma can take it or leave it.

you’re not unreasonable at all. I didn’t visit people until my son was 2 months old. If they don’t want to visit you, they can wait

This ☝🏻

Unless they are cooking, cleaning, bringing you food or helping with the other kids they don’t need to be there!

YANBU
like fuck would I be getting taxis with 3 kids in tow anywhere, a week after giving birth!
Nor would I be having anyone round

YANBU
If grandma is really keen, she’ll come to you. Alternatively, tell them all the kids have norovirus and watch them lose interest in visiting…

Also, congratulations on number 3 - with my third (and last) I discovered that I still didn’t know what I was doing and that we were well and truly outnumbered! It gets easier (but not quieter), and you’ll need a big fridge!