don’t want visitors / to go parading baby around

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Had my third and last baby this week. I just want to recover and quietly enjoy him. So far just my mum and dad have met him. My sister has asked to come but also she takes zero interest in my 2 other children so I don’t see why i should jump to her wishes when she’ll literally forget he exists a week later anyway - my mum seems to think my feelings on this aren’t valid. The other person is my grandma. I can’t drive atm, I can’t fit all the children in my dad’s car - it would be 2 trips to get us all there. She’s happy to get a taxi all over the place except when she wants to meet my baby I’m tutted at for saying no to being the one to make the effort. Probably pnd starting or whatever I know but aibu???

Just say no.

Honestly, we found that as soon as we had our children all the relatives we never see or hear from came out of the woodwork, we allowed them to visit our first child (as much as we could with covid) but then we didn’t hear from them again until we had our second child. Needless to say we still have an auntie and uncle who haven’t met our now 14 month old second child. We gave them options on when they could
visit but it didn’t work for them as they had to come to us rather than us going to them (they’re perfectly able early 60’s), we even gave to the option to come to the parents- in-laws house when we would be there instead but that still didn’t work for them. Their loss as far as I’m concerned (not all that keen on them anyway 🙈😂).

Just rest OP. Only respond to those texts or calls once a day, "we're not up for it yet sorry! If you want to bring granny for a visit on x date we'd love to see you all. Must go, time for another feeding!"

Rest rest rest.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I think the post partum period is probably the time when a woman can most expect/request that her preferences are respected, no questions asked. You have enough on your plate.
Even with close family, their expectations/wishes do not trump yours and this is not a time you should feel you need to compromise. Having said that, I know it’s easier said than done. Sometimes giving in to avoid an argument is preferable if that’s just going to cause you more stress.

You are not being unreasonable. Grandmas can be a funny one, with my last one Grandma expected us to travel a 4 hour journey which is more like 6 with kids in the first few weeks so she could meet him, we said no, we got shit from everyone, I was also recovering from an emergency c-section to.

Meanwhile Grandma was travelling all over the country in cars with her friends on various trips including one from Scotland to Essex but told us the journey to us was too much for her and we were the ones being unreasonable for saying we couldn’t travel that far for a good few months until we were comfortable. We didn’t expect her to come to us to he honest but we didn’t expect to be made into the biggest villains in the family for not taking our newborn on a 6hr journey whilst recovering. It still gets thrown in our faces from time to time, we just ignore them or tell them we still stand by our decision and we’ll be exactly the same with the next one.

stand firm, this is your baby, your rules, others need to realise just because they’re family doesn’t make them entitled to anything.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all!!! This is such precious time, with your last baby and the people who love you should be supporting you to do whatever feels right for you and your baby. Can your DH send a message out on your behalf asking for some space?

With my first baby, my own family had zero boundaries - they were at the hospital from the moment visiting hours started until they ended, they turned up at our house every single day, they pressured me into us going to stay overnight at their house when she was 6 days old. It was just awful!

By the time my second was born, I had gone NC with my family and we had a beautiful postpartum period, just settling in as a family of 4 together. We had visitors when we were ready, my husband’s family were supportive and respected our boundaries and it just felt so special.

I’m due my 3rd any day and will be doing
exactly the same as with my our 2nd again. YANBU, trust yourself and your instincts.

YANBU. I completely empathise with your situation. After my first baby I was exhausted, septic and learning to breast feed. I did not want visitors. My dad took it upon himself to turn up and invite a load of randomers I'd only clapped eyes on once before, because they said it wasn't right that my parents hadn't seen my 36 hour old daughter yet! I'd been awake for about 3 days at this point. My husband was furious and refused to talk to dad for a bit after that. Similar pressure after 2nd baby too. 3rd baby was born in lockdown 🥳 That was the easiest experience I've had. No running other kids around, just family bonding. The only time I haven't had pnd.

You don't want to see anyone. That's your perrogative.

However, don't be surprised if offers of babysitting don't come thick and fast.

Just say you're exhausted. This third pregnancy has taken it out of you.

But you don't need to be childish and rant at everyone for not doing enough or not being interested enough in your children.

Maybe suggest any offers of help looking after the eldest two would be welcome. They can pop in and see newborn, while collecting/returning the other two.

I'm not so sure why you're so angry and petulant and entitled and confrontational.

Honestly OP f*k them all, give zero f*ks, just enjoy your baby, don’t engage in this ridiculous carry on. People can visit when you say it’s ok not when they do. People are also old enough and ugly enough to find their own way there, not your issue. If they start, change the conversation, or blame baby for suddenly having to terminate the conversation.

Hi OP, my baby was born 2 months early and was in special care aswell. I have 3 DC and this time round only 1 parent from each side was allowed to visit. None of my siblings or DHs and everyone understood and waited. Comments were made but I stood my ground, wish I did it for my other 2. If your grandma wants everyone to come to her, she will just have to wait. I dont understand ppl who want the parent/s of a newborn to make all the effort

Please trust your instincts & don’t question it. You have just gone through a significant ordeal and are looking after your baby and most importantly yourself-so that you are able to manage the needs of your family and protect their health. Emotions can definitely be up & down but your feelings are based on common sense and others must respect that. This isn’t the same as your other two births, it’s your third baby with its own set of circumstances. Others may be thinking of what happened with the other two but this is different in lots of ways so you can’t compare-as every birth is. Well done for getting through everything, go easy on yourself & if needed blame the health professionals for saying you need to restrict visitors!

You’re right to stand firm. I’ve just had a baby and felt like I needed to say yes to visitors despite the fact I was pretty poorly and very hormonal! Some people stayed for half a day expecting drink after drink whilst telling me I needed to rest and sleep 🙃. All the while passing my baby around like a parcel.

I'm not so sure why you're so angry and petulant and entitled and confrontational.
Because that's how MN goes, anyone who didn't take weeks/months to recover and who established feeding quickly is usually flamed, even called 'cool girl'!

Good lord you only had your baby this week!

Stand firm, tell them no and then ignore further contact until you're ready to pick it back up

I would be quoting exactly this to your parents!
Simply say you don’t want anymore visits til you’re ready and ask to be left alone… if your parents are tutting and applying pressure then include them in the no visits!…… just tell them you’re fed up with being made to feel guilty for wanting some time alone to bond and heal etc….. tell them you’ll see them in a fortnight !….. it’s not unreasonable whether you’ve got a baby or not to request to be left alone for a couple of weeks….
As for the sister, just tell her you’ll let her know when you’re ready for one of her visits… and also just tell your mum and dad that when you’re excepting guests again they can bring grandma to you as you won’t be travelling with all the kids to hers… it’s so much easier for them to bring her to you and just state that!
why are you scared to stand up to your parents little comments? I’d be addressing that issue when you’re feeling able.
ENJOY YOUR BABY X