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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday play death

41 replies

Falsecalibre · 21/04/2024 13:10

I sat with my mum as she died of cancer in Dec.

A month or two ago, Dh booked my birthday treat as this play. It's not a comedy.

Yes I love the theatre and we were having dinner first (although now I have a gynae appt). He likes the theatre more than me, likes this playwright and he would have read what it was about.

Is it as insensitive as I think?

Birthday play death
OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 21/04/2024 13:13

It's definitely thoughtless! And also looks like a present he'd choose for himself, rather than one for you.

coodawoodashooda · 21/04/2024 13:15

DisplayPurposesOnly · 21/04/2024 13:13

It's definitely thoughtless! And also looks like a present he'd choose for himself, rather than one for you.

He hasn't bought you a gift. It is for him. And it's inappropriate to suggest you go at all, never mind for your birthday.

exomoon · 21/04/2024 13:15

YANBU, that’s awful.

There’s no way I would go and I would make zero effort for his birthday anymore.

Original poster
Falsecalibre · 21/04/2024 13:17

exomoon · 21/04/2024 13:15

YANBU, that’s awful.

There’s no way I would go and I would make zero effort for his birthday anymore.

I don't make a huge effort for his birthday to be fair.

OP posts:
LoreleiG · 21/04/2024 13:18

It would have been nice for him to have checked the content with you first, maybe he just saw it was a Sam Mendez play around your birthday and jumped on the tickets which presumably went quite fast? (Being charitable but I often go to plays I am not quite sure of the synopsis of).

WildFlowerBees · 21/04/2024 13:19

I don't think I could've seen that so soon after my own mums death. I'd have ruined it for everyone by sobbing!

MintyCedric · 21/04/2024 13:20

It’s not the best choice that’s for sure.

It does sound from reading about it as if the dying mother is a plot device to get the sisters back under one roof and the play is more about them though.

Can understand how you feel though. Could you suggest he sees it with someone else and do something different for your birthday?

Original poster
Falsecalibre · 21/04/2024 13:20

I know it's not a comedy, but it was supposed to be the hottest ticket in town and I know you like theatre. X

His reply. I just don't think I will like it and I'm sure I'll bawl like I did yesterday as I'm under the weather rn too

OP posts:
VestibuleVirgin · 21/04/2024 13:21

Read a full synopsis, iy looks very interesting, and is not macabre.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/04/2024 13:21

I've seen it and can reassure you it's not about the mum dying at all - you don't see her dying, she's only in it as a younger mum (who causes damage to her daughters)

She's upstairs doing/saying nothing - all action is centered on the daughters now and in the past

You see the main event only in flashback - trust me you will have little sympathy or empathy for the mum - I guarantee she will be far removed from your lovely mum Flowers

However, on a side note - the play is dreadful Wink. I go every month to the theatre and this is my worst one of last 18 months

Mumof3confused · 21/04/2024 13:40

Don’t go.

Original poster
Falsecalibre · 21/04/2024 13:46

Mumof3confused · 21/04/2024 13:40

Don’t go.

I'm not going to

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 21/04/2024 13:49

Not sure that tickets were selling superfast - I got offered some on a discounted ticket app.
He should have asked if you wanted to see it, given the synopsis and recent experience with you DM.

Maray1967 · 21/04/2024 13:50

That’s very thoughtless. I’d definitely not go and I’d tell him that ‘his birthday treat’ for me was anything but.

theworldie · 21/04/2024 13:53

Does he fancy one of the women appearing in it? That’d be my first thought😂

Wishlist99 · 21/04/2024 13:58

I’ll start off by saying I’m not going as my mum died last year too.

having said that, it’s the hottest ticket around, scooped some top Olivier awards, has had rave 5 star reviews from all the papers and is one of the best plays on the west end this year. It’s a top director and a stellar cast.

so if my dh did this I would give him the benefit of the doubt that he spent several hundred pounds securing a special event and hadn’t fully grasped the content.

was very interested that @LaurieFairyCake didnt like it. A lot of my circle of friends who are regular theatre goers raved about it. What was dreadful - script / acting / direction?

DappledThings · 21/04/2024 14:02

Maybe he thought you'd be even more interested it if you could relate to the content as it does have a similarity to your life. Unless he's generally a know I wouldn't have thought anything bad about this.

DGPP · 21/04/2024 14:05

He’s got the tickets as it has rave reviews. I think I’d say thanks but no thanks if you don’t want to go but it does sound like he was trying to do something nice for your birthday?

HaroldMeaker · 21/04/2024 14:25

I've seen it and don't think you'd enjoy it (though it's true there are no scenes with the ill mother but the characters do describe sitting with her).
I thought it was a bit crap anyway tbh 😳

Lovewineandchocs · 21/04/2024 15:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Lovewineandchocs · 21/04/2024 15:41

Sorry wrong thread!

Mirabai · 21/04/2024 16:15

Just tell him you want to see Cabaret instead.

Original poster
Falsecalibre · 21/04/2024 16:17

Mirabai · 21/04/2024 16:15

Just tell him you want to see Cabaret instead.

Idk what happens when tickets

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 21/04/2024 16:18

Yes it's insensitive and thoughtless of him. Have you spoken to him and explained how this made you feel? If he knows that he has really upset with his thoughtlessness, I would hope that he'd be very apologetic and suggest something different for your birthday.

Allfur · 21/04/2024 16:20

It could be amazing for you

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