Birthday play death

[Falsecalibre]

I sat with my mum as she died of cancer in Dec.

A month or two ago, Dh booked my birthday treat as this play. It's not a comedy.

Yes I love the theatre and we were having dinner first (although now I have a gynae appt). He likes the theatre more than me, likes this playwright and he would have read what it was about.

Is it as insensitive as I think?

Totally insensitive and thoughtless!!

I don’t think this is insensitive or thoughtless at all but we all have different mileage so 🤷‍♀️. I would go - you might enjoy it.

sorry for the loss of your mum.

Taking someone to watch a play set around a mother's deathbed when they have recently sat at their own mothers deathbed is definitely insensetive!

He's an insensitive git and he clearly chose it because it was something he wanted to see.

Arse.

I saw this and it reminded me I many ways of when my dad was dying of cancer. It was less than 2 years ago so still quite recent but that added to the play for me rather than made it too hard. You don’t see the mum dying at all, it’s about the family and it resonated with me (although we’re not really like the family in the play!). I found it moving and did cry but it felt cathartic.

I think he thought it’s the hot new play and you’d be doing something cool together. Maybe suggest he takes a friend and suggest something jolly instead to go together (guys and dolls is great)

It wouldn’t bother me, but it bothers you and that is what matters.

very unlikely he did it on purpose, but you can just let him know you don’t want to see it, and he can resell the tickets.

It may be that rather than being insensitive; in his cack-handed way he thought it might be cathartic and relevant.

Or he may not even have read what it was actually about.

Nah, he's been a bit of a dick, and then tried to justify it. Tell him to come up with something better, and do something lovely with other family members if he's fixed on going. I'd move that appt as well. My DH has form for thoughtless/incompetent gifting and I make my feelings clear. Everything I have ever got him has been very carefully thought through. Not ostentatious, just considered, and I expect the same.

Apparently the actors smoke and the audience have complained!

%3D

Does he think it will be therapeutic?

Quite honestly I’d divorce him. It’s beyond insensitive and thoughtless. It’s as if he doesn’t know you.

No you wouldn’t….

Trust me, I would.

First off, I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’ve seen the play: I thought it was excellent - amazing cast and great to see a very female focused play about sisters, mothers and ambition. I think you are making the right decision not to go: there is discussion of daughter’s rights and responsibilities around caregiving that I think could be hard and around the process of being around during the days before a death. Only your Dh can tell you if it was thoughtlessness/not knowing much about the plot or genuine insensitivity.

I thought the same as you, until I read LaurieFairyCake's response. That's enough for me to think you should be OK.