To feel really triggered by this book

[Struggle1]

I’m trying to feel better and just downloaded a self help book from audible and the author I feel was very silly to include in the opening introduction an excercise which asks you to think back to your childhood and feel the same level of carefree and fun attitude you had plus other things from childhood. As someone who had an extremely dysfunctional childhood where I do not ever remember having any fun or care free attitude this really triggered me. I spend my childhood scared and on high alert.

its a self help book surely she should realise not everyone had a perfect childhood like she seems to have had where she’s giving numerous examples. I couldn’t listen anymore.

Not everything is about you. If a particular exercise doesn’t work for you, move on.

Sorry I have no one in real life to speak about this so wanting to rant! Can’t really tell my few friends as they will ask more about it and I don’t want to tell them, can’t tell my family as their response will be well you had a roof over your head didn’t you

@loropianalover i did t say it was about me. You think I will be only one with dyfyvtuonal childhood asked to think back to all my happy memories? Countless people will be listening to it!

Unless the self help book is specifically about dealing with childhood trauma it’s perfectly acceptable to have an exercise suggesting the reader thinks back to a positive childhood experience. The majority of people had good childhoods.

The author can’t account for every ‘trigger’ a reader might have - ‘I had an abusive childhood’, ‘I had a hard time at college’, ‘I’m single’.

Its your responsibility to have the common sense to take what you need from the book and forget/don’t take part in the rest.

I’m not unsympathetic, as I had a visceral response to an exercise in a pregnancy hypobirthing class that required you to think about a safe place from your childhood (unideal childhood)— but it’s unreasonable to think the self-help author should have written her book differently. You need to find a way of dealing with your childhood and any lingering issues. I’ve found therapy very helpful.

The book clearly isn’t aimed at you, it’s aimed at people who don’t have childhood trauma to deal with- that’s ok.

Find one that is better tailored to your needs.

I agree with you, OP. People who are in need of help are more likely to have had bad childhoods. To be honest, I would struggle to find any period in my life when I felt happy and carefree. Most of these books are written by people who have had an easy life and don't have a clue. I don't bother with them.

If you are relying on a book for self-help the exercises, examples and studies will have to be very generic to appeal to, or help, the largest number of people. If the author removed every example or suggestion which was likely to upset some of her readership, the book would be blank. You obviously wouldn't expect something like this from a private therapist who should choose more appropriate exercises and who knows your background but in a book I think it's almost impossible to avoid.

Hey Struggle, I hear you. Your childhood state of high alert is still churning away in an effort to protect you. I imagine it must be exhausting. You're not making anything 'about you' -I think that's an unhelpful reflection‐ but I think you may be predisposed to be on the look-out for harm, given your childhood experiences, and may therefore find it in places where none was intended .
My sister and I talk about this. She deals with our childhood trauma by being hyper-vigilant. I am still default fawning and determined to see no wrong in people or situations until it hits me in the face. Neither is 'right' and both are just dancing around the remaining, unresolved slivers of our past, but I think I, on balance, have an easier time of things than my sister.

When did Loro Piana become so mainstream misses point entirely

@EveSix thank you. Sorry to hear you and your sister having to deal with childhood issues too. Have you got any tips on how not to be on high alert? I think occasionally it has helped being on high alert as I have sensed bad intentions others haven’t and I wasn’t surprised when was told about once they figured it out. Don’t really want to go into details. I do see what you mean that you have an easier life I wish I could switch it off

If it’s a book specifically about dealing with severe childhood trauma, then I see your point.

Which book is it?

@Struggle1
No real advice; both responses are essentially dysfunctional trauma responses, and often feel like they're hard-wired into us. My sister is the eldest so, I believe, developed a hyper-vigilant coping mechanism as she felt a need to protect. I, as a younger sibling, became a pleaser and appeaser who internalised a lot, whereas my sister acted out. My way of navigating life in the aftermath seems more socially acceptable as I can't seem to shift from fawning as a default response to conflict and confrontation; it takes a concerted effort to operate differently and remain 'conscious' in the moment.

@Struggle1

I get understand where you are coming from
I had extremely traumatic childhood in various children's homes aswell as thankfully being adoptive by a lovely family and having a normal good childhood,
Unfortunately not enough to counter act the real shit 💩childhood experinces,
It was one extreme to another

and i am desperate search to look into having sessions of therapy again that will deal with in an intensive way with all shit ton of childhood trauma i have to contend with too,

I sometimes feel like i need to have sessions of therapy for a lifetime until i kick the bucket The Grim reaper comes to get 🤔 me whenever that be,

I am 50 years of age and still feel like that !!!

I think 🤔 self help Authors need to acknowledge that if you have had traumatic abusive or and neglectful childhoods in any way,
to skip this kind if section of the book as its triggering obviously and encourage readers who have been through shit childhood life experiences to think of alternative good experiences or and people/pet animals in their lives in the past or and present,

So people like us
Don't feel even more like we have missed out on something vital that we should have had for emotional pschological equilibrium well being.

@loropianalover
"Don't be a Dick head", 🙄coming across with your very Judgemental kind of attitude towards @Struggle1

This.

It's ok to be triggered by the book. People find all sorts of things triggering. It's not realistic to expect a book to avoid anything that could trigger anyone, it would as PP said be empty. You just put the book away because it doesn't work for you, that's it.

Horrible response. The OP will be far from the only one in the same situation. YANBU OP. It doesn’t take a lot of intelligence or empathy to realise that lots of people have difficult childhoods.

@Struggle1 , have you considered therapy? We tend to turn to self-help books to find a quicker, simpler way of dealing with trauma, but in my experience the only way out is through.

The best self help ive found was my own self help looking after me.
Reading self help books made me worse therapy was even worse lets talk about the pass im trying to move on from It did not help.

I did however finish a book last night called A book of silence by sara maitland.
Its not a self help book but a good read if you want peace and quiet.
And some how it was like reading about myself what i wanted in life without having to think of the past.

@loropianalover

I disagree about your trivialising comment on the amount of people who have experinced adverse shit 💩childhood lives experinces,

as for a variety of reasons factors show contrary to what you said regarding this comment,

Such as shit childhoods/ teenage years experinces can
affect people by them having a tendencies ti gravitate to emotionally pschological or and sexual abusive relationships with Arseholes partners 🤔

Also people who have had shit life experinces traumas and or shit childhood' are more likely to be acctracted to the idea of reading searching for a good self help books 📚
People who have shit childhood and teenage hood experinces can have tendencies towards experincing emotional and mental health struggles issues

In prison service their are mostly a lot of people from dysfunctional backgrounds in them insituations

Dysfunctional backgrounds and crime can correlate and often does go hand in hand

Dysfunctional backgrounds can and does affect people by them turning to explotive abusive relationships such as sexual abusive ones such as Adult entertainment industry and sex trade ...

Also heard about Gabour Mate and his self help books and his book about Adh autism spectrum and the prevalence of it etc in our society nowadays,

Also heard of How the Body keeps the Score book ?
How traumas can effect your body system such as nervous system ect then?

And you are saying only a tiny amount of people 🙄 are affected by trauma / shit childhood lifes experinces then ????

It's allmost laughably ridiculous your comment ...

"Just cause you have had a lovely childhood dosen't mean everyone else has too".

Oops ive been just as judgemental as you were,
Hope this isn't triggering in any way been as i dont know you,

Harsh. Do you not think the author could have at least included a note at the beginning acknowledging this won't work for everyone because not all childhoods are happy?

YANBU OP.

How rude. Op I totally get it. It would have been better for the author to say something like "Think back to a time where you felt happy. This could be a childhood event, a holiday, a memorable occasion or something else"

I disagree that most people have had happy childhoods too. It should be the case but it is certainly not the norm unfortunately based on people I know

Lots of people will have had a difficult childhood. I'm sure the author has meant no harm but it's just naive authorship.
It's not the book for you. Perhaps look for one specifically aimed at overcoming past traumas? And maybe also write a review of this one so you can help steer others before they buy.

Me, too. I spent a small fortune and a lot of valuable time on 'self help' books before booking in for therapy and doing it properly. I now own just TWO well-thumbed self-help books recommended by therapists, which dig deep.

I agree with your complaint, @Struggle1. It's not hard for an author to write "if you can recall a happy, carefree time in your childhood ..." and offer something else if not.

These books become best-sellers by making their readers feel nice, though, so they're mostly emotional candy floss.

YANBU. I'm surprised the author didn't consider that, as surely at least some of the readers of self-help books are reading them due to mental health issues stemming from bad childhoods.

They should have said something along the lines of "think back to a time when you felt carefree". Or even perhaps "imagine feeling carefree".

"I found x triggering" or "this really triggered me" can be reframed far more helpfully for yourself as, "I immediately had a profound reaction based on my personal history and habits of mind, the very reasons I'm reading this book".