To talk to my teen son about heavy petting?

[Itsnot1995]

Son is 15, 2nd GF and I really think I need to talk to him about petting ...but...how....mumsnetters help!? Please!? He knows about sex, i.e not having it as under age and risk of pregnancy and using protection. I don't think that's an issue (but sure it will be at some point, hence we do talk about it)
But should I be discouraging heavy petting, what's the best way to approach it, or how do you let them explore without going too far? I feel like teens need to explore, but obvs need to set boundaries etc. open to any helpful advice! Tx

What do you mean by heavy petting? I don't get it.

I don’t think you need to. What would you say? School will have covered it in PSHE. Plus he’ll already know, chances are they already have. Is he nearly 16? I’d just leave them both to it if GF is similar age and make sure he has access to protection.

Make sure you’ve absolutely 100% drilled the idea of enthusiastic consent in to him.

Then… well honestly I think this is an odd thing to set “boundaries” around. And at 15 on his second girlfriend I suspect you’re too late anyway.

I haven’t heard the phrase ‘heavy putting’ since about 1992! Anyway, I’m sure he already knows/has. Just reinforce the safe sex and consent messages, the rest is up to them to work out together.

Why do you want to discourage it out of interest?

You mean for consent?

In that case I think it’s just you need consent everytime you are being intimate, and also when you are getting more intimate.

And then yes do not get anywhere near first base without have contraceptives available because that is how things go wrong.

You have taken me back to swimming pool posters in the 1980s - no dive bombing, no running, no heavy petting..

Please don't talk to him about "heavy petting", he will probably die of embarrassment and think you are from the stone age.

Please do talk to him about the importance of enthusiastic consent and safe sex.

I remember those too! Maybe OP can just pot one of those posters up in her house.

Do you live in a swimming pool?

If they want to do it they will. The only thing you can do to discourage it is not actively allow them a place to go, but it they want to do it they'll find a way. Make sure he is clued up on consent/ condoms and make sure he has access to them.

I think I would focus on teaching him about consent, and especially the concept of enthusiastic consent, rather than abstention. Wild horses will not stop teenagers getting it on but you can at least try and ensure that when they do get it on, whatever "it" is, his girlfriend is as keen as he is.

Heavy petting reminds me of the rules at the local swimming pool when I was younger. I had no idea what it meant back then.

I’m similarly having a moment of swimming pool nostalgia.

More likely in a cave.

I agree with others, feel free to discourage it when swimming- we all know that's not allowed but in normal life just make sure he knows about contraception, consent etc and let him crack on.

😂😂this made my day

I had a double layer of confusion as the one at our local pool had a cartoon animals doing the offences. It was a canoodling hippo so when I was younger I thought it just meant don't bring heavy exotic animals to the pool.

Disappointingly I never saw anyone trying to smuggle an affectionate hippopotamus in.

How on earth would you finger a hippo? I've now got images of Zippy from Rainbow getting wired into George. Time for a hot cocoa to calm me down.

Just talk to him about sex and contraception. Keep talking to him about it. You must have started talking to him about this already?

Hahaha haha 😂so funny and so cute

You have won the Internet today
.

@DuchessNope that made me laugh
I can still see envisage the sign at our pool. Couldn't think of anything worse than trying to get romantic in a pool surrounded by kids bombing you!

Just talk about consent. Make sure he knows it needs to be enthusiastic from BOTH sides and he can say no too..

😂Ours had humans but the woman had cartoonishly large breasts so I thought it must be something to do with that, and therefore definitely not applicable to me

Wow, also back at the swimming pool and I can see the drawing clear as day. Haven't heard that phrase since the 80s

I'm dying of cringe at the thought of setting rules/boundaries for how far he can go. Handjobs are okay but not blow jobs? Can rub a clit but not finger a fanny? Jesus, please don't, you'll traumatise the boy.

General discussions about being respectful, kind and responsible, enthusiastic consent, feelings, contraception, are quite enough.

😂