DS suddenly refusing to go to nursery

[50Fifty]

More a WWYD? Posting here as never get any replies in Parenting.

My 3 year old DS (4 in June) started nursery last August. 4 days a week, 8-1. He was going in fine and enjoying it until about 2 weeks ago. All of a sudden he doesn't want to go, cries, has tantrums and refuses to get dressed. When I ask him why he doesn't want to go all he says is, "nursery's boring". He says he doesn't like the toys and they don't have fun things to play with. I know this isn't true as the nursery post daily about what the kids have been doing - arts & crafts, experiments, playing in the garden, dress up, reading, playing educational games, etc.

He has a younger sibling who I'm at home with during the day. I don't know if he just wants to stay home and play with them or if there's a bigger issue. I've spoken to the nursery and they tell me he has great fun when he's there and don't have any concerns. He never raises anything with them either.

DH is adamant that we force him to go (not sure how that's possible), despite how distressed he gets about it. I'm 50/50. I agree that he has to learn that you can't always get/do what you want, but at the same time he's still very young and clearly upset. I don't want this becoming a bigger problem.

WWYD? If anyone has been in a similar situation I'd love to hear how you handled it.

my son is 3 nearly 4, he has also started to not want to go into nursery, but has fun and enjoys his day once he’s there. He doesn’t like the thought of going but loves it once he is actually in the building.
but I would definitely nip it in the bud while you can, especially if he enjoys his time when he is there. It won’t always be smooth sailing but he will get the picture and the phase will pass.

I made the mistake of letting my 6 year old stay off nursery when he didn’t want to go and now he’s awful to get into school if he doesn’t fancy going.

I am in my sixties. I remember not enjoying nursery, I can remember thinking I had tried everything and I would prefer to be at home with my mum. Luckily mum said that was fine. I stayed home, played on my own, with other children and with mum. I loved to help with the baking and washing as well as other things around the house. If mum was not feeling like playing I would go and play next door with a retired lady.
When it was time to start school I enjoyed every single day. I could already read, write, do sums and was very sociable.
I am so glad I was not forced to go, I can remember it very clearly and loved the time with mum.

Nurseries are probably a bit different now to 60 years ago. Also, women work.

4 days 8-1 is a lot. Could he cut down? They spend so much of their life in school it seems a shame to force it so young if he’s not enjoying it. He has the rest of his life where he ‘has’ to go every day (assuming you choose a regular school education)

Lots of schools in England also start in August, they all do in Leicestershire.

4 half days is the minimum you can generally do round here (or 2 full day, 8 - 6). Nursery places are are in extremely high demand with waiting lists now closed here for the vast majority of private nurseries until August 2025. School nurseries tend to be 3 full days, 8.15am - 4pm which I feel is too long a day if not required.

All children in Scotland are entitled to 30hrs free childcare once they turn 3. Many people need these hours to allow them to work, so people looking for fewer hours will miss out to those looking to utilise their full entitlement.

The nursery manager has assured me that they will be more vigilant and monitor all interactions he has with the other child. I've done my best to reassure him and reminded him to inform a teacher (and us) if anyone hurts him. He's gone in without too much fuss this morning so we'll see how he gets on. DH dropped him off so I'll speak to them when I pick him up.

If your child was previously fine and now suddenly doesn’t want to go then there has to be a reason even if your child can’t explain what it is. Try paying attention to what he does when he plays - he might give clues in that - e.g is he role playing different scenarios that won’t have come from TV he watches. Are there also other times where he doesn’t want to go places or refuses to do things? If he’s only behaving this way in relation to nursery then the problem is likely nursery, if he’s behaving this way for other activities and not enjoying things he previously did then there may be some other issues at play here. But listen to your son, take note of what he’s saying and doing. I hope you figure it out.

Yes! Finding out that another child tried to bite him. This is such a strong reminder that we mustn’t assume that a child is just being naughty or stubborn when there is a change like this. Well done for managing to identify the problem. Encourage him to talk to the teachers there too if a child hurts or tries to hurt him