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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let them babysit?

29 replies

pollypocke · 18/04/2024 18:37

So,
We asked my MIL if she could look after our little one at the weekend. She said yeah of course just drop him round.
Now the plans changed slightly so my MIL has asked us to drop our little one at my SIL's house where she'll be with SIL and her partner.
My question is, AIBU to not feel comfortable leaving my little one with my SIL's partner that I've met once (and my SIL has only known a year) and have only very recently moved in (this month)
I don't know if I'm right to feel a bit uneasy about leaving him with someone I hardly know or if I'm being over protective?

OP posts:
Lillers · 18/04/2024 18:41

I don’t think you’re wrong to check that it would be SIL who would be taking care of him and not the partner - ie she won’t be going out and leaving the partner in charge at any point. Does SIL have her own children at all, and would you have been comfortable with her looking after your DS if the partner wasn’t around? And would MiL be there as well or is she just out of the picture for this one now?

Edited to say: sorry, just realised you answered my question about MIL in the Op

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 18/04/2024 18:41

You’re not leaving him with someone you don’t know, your mil will be there.
Suppose it was plan A and sil and partner dropped in at mil’s for a cup of tea?
He’s been around for a year, not a week, you are way over the top I’m afraid.

Mrsjayy · 18/04/2024 18:43

But her aunt and gran will be there surely they won't just leave the baby with him? You can obviously do what you are comfortable with but I do think you need to take a deep breath and just leave her.

Original poster
pollypocke · 18/04/2024 18:43

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 18/04/2024 18:41

You’re not leaving him with someone you don’t know, your mil will be there.
Suppose it was plan A and sil and partner dropped in at mil’s for a cup of tea?
He’s been around for a year, not a week, you are way over the top I’m afraid.

I do realise I'm being over the top. I think it has more to do with the face my relationship with MIL and SIL is a bit strained and not the best. My MIL has only babysat my little one a few times so I'm not 100% comfortable with the situation

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 18/04/2024 18:44

HiM sorry.

Mrsjayy · 18/04/2024 18:45

pollypocke · 18/04/2024 18:43

I do realise I'm being over the top. I think it has more to do with the face my relationship with MIL and SIL is a bit strained and not the best. My MIL has only babysat my little one a few times so I'm not 100% comfortable with the situation

Show quote history

What does your baby's dad think?

DuskyEvenings · 18/04/2024 18:45

Nope. I wouldn't do it!

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 18/04/2024 18:47

pollypocke · 18/04/2024 18:43

I do realise I'm being over the top. I think it has more to do with the face my relationship with MIL and SIL is a bit strained and not the best. My MIL has only babysat my little one a few times so I'm not 100% comfortable with the situation

Show quote history

Fair enough - that’s a different issue. But I can’t imagine this bloke is going to take the least bit of interest in a baby tbh!

Original poster
pollypocke · 18/04/2024 18:48

@Mrsjayy my OH knows I've been hurt/not happy with some of my MIL and SIL actions in the past but I really don't want to say I don't have a great relationship with them because I know that would really hurt him.
For instance, we told my MIL that I was pregnant (complete surprise) and my OH told her over the phone (she was on loud speaker) and her reaction was 'oh god, are you happy or...?' In a very unenthusiastic tone. This really upset me and my OH
That's just a recent example but overall I don't feel like I have a good relationship with either of them so I think that's where my reluctance comes from

OP posts:
AVFC4eva · 18/04/2024 18:48

Trust your instincts. You have a feeling for a reason. I'd probably feel the same and I know I overthink stuff but it's your child at the end of the day.

Original poster
pollypocke · 18/04/2024 18:49

@AGodawfulsmallaffair that's very true, he's only met my little one once and was a bit uncomfortable and admitted he wasn't a 'baby person' 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
pollypocke · 18/04/2024 18:50

AVFC4eva · 18/04/2024 18:48

Trust your instincts. You have a feeling for a reason. I'd probably feel the same and I know I overthink stuff but it's your child at the end of the day.

Thank you, I really appreciate this x

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 18/04/2024 18:50

If your relationship is so strained then I think you should let your partner make the decision.

Mrsjayy · 18/04/2024 18:53

These things are in the past your Mil wants a relationship with her grandson and she has offered to babysit, if you don't trust her to look after him then don't allow her to have him, if you just don't like her then that's cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Original poster
pollypocke · 18/04/2024 19:00

@Mrsjayy I think because there's going to be quite a few people in the house it's making me a bit more uncomfortable. Originally it was just going to be my MIL looking after him alone so I thought that'd be nice for them to have some one on one bonding time (she's never looked after him alone before) I do like her as a person, I think she's lovely. She's just said some hurtful things in the past. I just don't know if I'd be a bit of a cow if I asked if she could just have him at hers and not have my SIL and her partner and my SIL's daughter round too

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 18/04/2024 19:00

You trust your MiL to ASK her to babysit so you must be happy that she will take care of your child. You are being unreasonable.

Pottedpalm · 18/04/2024 19:01

Trust her enough, I mean

Sparksi · 18/04/2024 19:02

I think you’re being unreasonable, providing you trust SIL.

TyneTeas · 18/04/2024 19:04

I'd be concerned that if visiting others your child wouldn't be her main focus

Redmat · 18/04/2024 19:21

How lovely for your son to be surrounded by two people who presumably care for him and another who may well become part of your family. Lots of attention.
You are really over thinking this.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 18/04/2024 19:24

What if you'd dropped her off with MIL and then she'd gone around to see SIL?

Is she not allowed to take your DC out?

paulwellerisinthebuilding · 18/04/2024 19:26

You either trust her or you don't. It might be nice for your baby to see his aunt and cousin.

kittybiscuits · 18/04/2024 19:30

I wouldn't be happy and I think you should trust your gut. Just say plans have changed now.

Original poster
pollypocke · 18/04/2024 19:44

Thought I'd add a bit more context as to why I have a bit of an issue here.
Initially we asked my MIL to look after my little one and she said yes it'll just be the 2 of us as she had no plans. Me and my OH thought this was great as her and my son rarely get to spend quality time together because my MIL looks after my SIL's daughter every weekend.
Today my MIL has said can we bring my son to my SIL's house as she's going to be there with SIL and SIL's daughter and SIL's partner.
SIL takes a lot of liberties with my MIL in that she expects her to have her daughter every weekend (and I mean every weekend)
My MIL was once helping us out on a Saturday with some garden work and was shattered afterwards and told my SIL that she was too tired to come and pick up her GD so my SIL dropped her off without asking, then her and her bf went off for a day out (very child friendly) and didn't even ask if the daughter wanted to go too, just dropped her off at MIL's and off they went.
I've been feeling like my little one comes second fiddle as my MIL is always busy with my SIL's daughter every weekend even though SIL is perfectly capable of looking after her own daughter over the weekend. She just expects free child care at this point.

OP posts:
anon4net · 18/04/2024 19:57

I wouldn't base your decision on MIL's reaction when she found out you were pregnant. But I would based on other things like change in location etc. I'm always weary of baby-sitting being done when other adults are around/social situations as that is when accidents are more likely to happen b/c everyone thinks the other person is doing the caregiving. I also firmly have learned to trust my gut when it comes to things like this.

Could you ask it to be at your MIL's house? How many hours is it? I may have missed how old the baby is. That would impact my decision too.