To not tell anyone if I get early retirement (primary teacher)

[InsolentNoise]

I’m hoping to get early retirement, I’m 57 and I’ve been in the same school since I started teaching over 30 years ago.

I’m off work with a broken arm just now and I have a number of other health issues.

I really, really HATE being the centre of attention and I’ve put on a huge amount of weight since I’ve been at home; I feel extremely self-conscious. Although I have just started a diet.

Normally, when someone retires, we have an assembly for them. I’ve always really enjoyed them in the past.

We also have a staff presentation with the retiree being given flowers and gifts etc. Again, all very enjoyable and can be quite emotional.

We also have a night out and I’ve been to most of them. Great nights.

However, I do not want this for myself. In any shape, size or form.

I was hoping to tell no-one except the HT and anyone else who would need to know. I was really hoping that I could just leave on my last day without anyone knowing.

I get on well with my colleagues and I love all
the children. I have also contributed to many leaving gifts and nights out over the years, some of which were extremely expensive.

I know that many of the children and parents would miss me, and vice versa. I just really do not want to be the focus of any sort of attention at all.

I am by no means shy or quiet and I do love chatting to all and sundry. I’m not some weird misfit 😂
If I’m honest, I think being really overweight is a major factor in wanting to avoid anything as I can’t bear anyone taking pics etc of me.

AIBU to leave without a word (as far as possible) or should I go along with what usually happens?
My DD thinks that it would be a shame for me just to leave without any of the kids knowing, as I’ve basically taught all of them.

(I’m not interested in a gift etc. If I want something, I’ll buy it for myself.)

Don't let the patriarchy win. You're a teacher who has dedicated her life to children. Do. Or slink away robbing you all of a proper well deserved send off because your dress size went up. Take up space.

Just giving a different perspective but there will be children who will hugely miss you. It would have broken my son's heart if his favourite member of staff at school had just left without giving him a chance to get used to it and say goodbye and send her a card.

Are you really sure you wouldn't like a chance to do that? X

Thank you for your reply.
I’ve never been comfortable at the thought of any of it tbh.

And I’d like to point out that I was very slim not that long ago 😂🤦‍♀️ and that felt really great about myself.

I just really hate people taking pictures of me unawares. Or worse, vids!

I know I shouldn’t care, but I do. 🤦‍♀️😔

Thank you for that perspective.
I’ve been off for quite a while now so I was kinda hoping that no one would really notice if I didn’t really come back.

I’ve had a couple of longish absences before and I was really quite overwhelmed with the welcome that I got. It was lovely tbh. I felt really loved.

I don't understand this. Can't a teacher just retire early on their own say so? Why does the authority come into it?

Sorry, I quoted the wrong post!

The retirement age is 60 and you wouldn’t get your pension until then.

An opportunity has come up across the authority as they are trying to make cuts.

I will only get it if it can be demonstrated that it will represent a saving for the council. There’s a good chance that it will because I’m obviously older so I could be replaced with a younger teacher.

There are a couple of other variables in my favour so fingers crossed.

I could “retire” now but I wouldn’t get my pension. I hope this makes sense 😊

I think that’s very sad if you let your weight have you miss out in a loving and warm farewell to the end of your career.

would you one day look back and think you missed out, simply as you were worried as you’d put on weight?

How old are your class? I think especially if they are little ones (year 3 or younger) they might struggle if you leave without saying goodbye. A wonderful LSA in my daughters class who she adored went off suddenly as she sadly had a stroke, and every day my 5 year old asks me if 'Mrs X will be back today, I really miss her'. When I explain she is poorly but will be back when she is better she asks me 'can we go see her and I will give her a hug to make her better, as when I hurt myself she gives me a hug and I feel better'. So please say a proper bye so they know you a properly gone x

Oh sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just think it's easy to underestimate the difference you make.

Could you speak to your Head and say you would be genuinely uncomfortable with a special assembly or any kind of public fuss and the thought of it is making you feel anxious? Perhaps the children could be told about you leaving in a normal assembly along with any other announcements? That way you're not under the spotlight but it won't be a shock to them when you're suddenly not there anymore. Just a thought.

Echoing what a previous poster said about needing to recruit for your replacement. It wouldn’t be just SLT that would be aware. People would notice the advert/interviews.
so you can’t slip off with no one knowing - but you can have control over everything else.
Let leadership know what you’re comfortable with

As someone who has to yoed with weight, I totally understand why the weight gain makes you feel so self conscious. So start searching for a great and slimming outfit you feel good in and make sure your face and hair looks great. I've got a maxi dress and when worn with a particular long jacket, I look at photos and am surprised that I look slimmer than I thought I did, but it's all down to the outfit. There's another trouser sit which is also particularly flattering. I think once you see you can look and don't look like Ms Porky (in your eyes), you'll feel much more positive about all of this

•Yo yoed

*Once you see how good you can look..

Thank you for replying.
I don’t actually have my own class. I cover all the classes.
But I have had some of them in my own classes previously.
I get what you’re saying, though.

Aww you didn’t upset me, it just made think a bit.
That’s an idea.
Thank you.

It'll be good for the children to see that adults have important transitions as well - and the bit that will have you in tears is incredibly special for the person saying it, too. How many of us wish there had been a chance to say how important a person has been to them, not just the current children, but perhaps some all the way back to your first class?

You deserve to hear what impact you've had, the difference you've made to so many tiny lives.

Thank you for replying.

I get your point but there’s a possibility that my post might be ”absorbed” and then there won’t be any adverts or interviews.

I don’t know, tbh. There are a lot of variables involved.

Thank you. Now I’m crying again! Jeez.

The voices in your head telling you you're ugly are not the ones to listen to. I know it's hard but ignore them. I did a NYE one year knowing I was obviously overweight but I really wanted to be with those people. I do look back at the photos and objectively I can see the dress bulging at the seams. But what i see most of all is the big smile and genuinely happy eyes.
Just accept you are not at your best physically. Don't rob yourself of a chance to be loved.

If I understand correctly, teachers can take Early Retirement from age 55 - or “take your benefits” if leaving service, which I assume means getting your pension?

Your employer has to agree.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

I understand completely and always avoid having a leaving do. I can't imagine I'll feel any different when I retire. I hate the idea of being the centre of attention. Good luck with whatever you decide and I hope your colleagues accept your choice graciously.

I’ll just say that my DD has always been sad if a teacher she liked leaves. Don’t just disappear because you might mean more than you know to some quiet child that doesn’t say much.

It would be totally reasonable to ask for a smaller, low key celebration or acknowledgment. Just say you don’t feel well enough for it to save going into detail.

If you would like to lose the extra weight quickly and effectively have a look at the intermittent fasting threads.

I think the announcement in a normal assembly may be the best choice of those that have been suggested. Does not come as a surprise to the children when you are not there, and is as minimal an occasion as can be.

I am with you about no large fuss, it's not a long time until I retire, and there will be no party (I'll donate to a charity and encourage others to do so if they wish).

This..I think its such a milestone you might regret not doing something..honestly no one is judging you anywhere nearly as harshly as you are..get a lovely outfit and haircut/makeup for the day and embrace it. You deserve to be celebrated!

I think maybe because putting weight on is a change for you you're overthinking it. In reality no one else will care, sounds like they'd all be sad to see you go. 30 years in one school is impressive and definitely something that should be celebrated.

Also, my DC would be gutted if a much loved member of staff just retired without it being marked at all.

I know that in my case, it will only happen if it represents a saving for the council.