To be annoyed with my friend for changing arrangements

[pussinboots61]

I hope I am not overthinking this but I am really annoyed with a close friend of mine.

I suggested us going to the cinema on Sunday to see a film we both want to see. When I texted her to check on the arrangements she told me she has asked one of her other friends to come. That's OK as I do get on with this friend but the point is it would have been nice to have been asked if it was OK.

Anyway the main point is this other friend has got limited buses on Sundays where she lives so now we are having to work around her. I prefer going to the cinema in the evening but we are now going in the afternoon to suit this friend. I have agreed to this but now I get told this friend can get into town for such a time so we will meet then (we are going for lunch first). My bus gets into town later so I have had to say this and get told 'it will have to be OK then.'

What is more annoying is that they are both going to a concert in town tonight (which I haven't been invited to by the way) and are both getting buses. When I asked my friend in a message if her other friend's buses are difficult at night (like how come she can go out at night during the week on the bus), she totally swerved that and failed to answer.

I did state my case my saying a time of 10.20 am for the film is too early for me, which it is showing at that time, so should I just be satified that I've said my piece and try and lay it to rest? I just feel really wound up about it all. I wish now that I had never said anything and arranged to go and see the film with someone else.

Are you all very young? They said annoying and you sound unaccommodating because you're jealous of their friendship. Just don't go

She should have asked you first about inviting the friend. If the arrangements about times etc don’t suit you then you should have just said sorry x that doesn’t suit me and stood firm and put the ball back in her court.

Im not sure why you messaged her about the concert and busses when you aren’t even going?

Honestly, I wouldn’t bother going. You’ll only be resentful and it does sound like you are irrelevant in their plans.
Just go and see the film on your own.

Loads of places have no evening buses on Sundays, or maybe she can't home. I'd well believe that. But to me that would mean that she can't come this time, not that the whole plan changes for her.

Going to a film at 1020 instead of in the evening is a bit of a change of plan! Honestly, I wouldn't go. You don't have to do it in bad grace, maybe just arrange to go with someone else another time.

I don't mind if people invite others when I go out - but I would also not be happy with a big change of plans to suit the extra person.

I’d pull out and tell them the plans (which were yours) no longer suit you. Find someone else to go with

We are not that young but I don't see what it difference that makes.

I am not jealous of their friendship at all. I like this other friend and get on well with her. Its just the changing things to suit her when she was invited afterwards.

I only mentioned about the buses to the concert as I wonder why the other friend can get a bus there in the evening but not when we are meeting on Sunday.

Busses are
Often crap on Sundays

True, most of them are every hour on Sundays in my city but run more regularly in the week.

Seems this friend's don't even run as often as that.

There are NO buses on a Sunday or bank holiday where I live

Sound's like you want to be your friends no.1 priority? Are you sure you only want her as a friend if your like this with the rest of your friendship sound's like your friends getting herself some backup. I had a friend like this, wanted all my time it was suffocating.

Did you even read what OP wrote?

The town I live in doesn’t even have buses to Glasgow on weekends. We have a bus that runs weekdays but the last bus home is around 6.30pm, so you can get the bus home even on weeknights. No bus at all at weekends.
We do have a train, but quite often it gets cancelled. Everyone here has to drive! So if she relies on public transport then Sunday nights are really not a good time to try and get home.

I would be bloody annoyed about my plan being hijacked. Just leave them to it

I wouldn't go - all the previous plans changed to accommodate the person you hadn't invited anyway - nope.

I'd message back saying you 2 go we'll do something another time.

Honestly, Mumsnet reminds me why I don’t have friends 🤣

What is this obsession on mumsnet in asking ppl if they are young or asking how old the poster is. It's annoying when ppl make it all about them when you haven't even invited the person someone else has. Nothing to do with age. It's annoying what ever the age.

Just tell them sorry, but the changes to what you proposed don’t work for you. Either you stick to the time you’d planned and invited your friend to, or they go separately a time that suits the two of them. I do think it’s bad form to invite others along to something without checking first with the person who initially was planning it.

I’d be upset. Probably message and say, new timings aren’t really what I had in mind so you two go and we’ll do something another time.

No, op invited friend to cinema, they invited someone else and changed timings to accommodate with no care as to what worked for op. That’s not suffocating.

I hate this too. 'You sound YOUNG OP' is so patronising and condescending. 'You sound young' is them saying you sound immature and childish and pathetic.

@pussinboots61 I would have been pissed off too, and YANBU. I would have bailed on the cinema trip truth be told. It's shitty of your friend to invite this other person along and expect you to be OK with the planned times and arrangements being changed.

I HATE it when I make an arrangement with someone and they bring someone else along! Doesn't happen often, but when it does it pisses me off.

And 'the more the merrier' makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs with rage and anger. No, it is not 'merrier' to have MORE when you have arranged to meet one person. I wanted to meet that one person, not have them bring some random along. Along to OUR 1-1 meeting. If that makes me a precious entitled princess, so be it!

there's a big difference between arranging to go to the cinema in the evening and then having someone else re arrange for you to have to go in the afternoon.

Did they make any plans for after the film, or were you expected to all go home for the evening?

They seem pretty set on this. I'd leave them to it and just say "sorry, as you both can't go in the evening and I'm not keen on an early viewing, I think I should sit this one out. Have a good time" and then arrange to go at a time that YOU want to go at with another friend.

I can see why it was frustrating tho.

This is the reason I go to cinema matinees by myself.

Bliss.

I have a friend who does this. Always has FOMO so has to invite another friend, get other people involved. It’s so annoying! She’s never satisfied with the friend she’s actually with…

Wow, nice way to completely invalidate someone. You're young so when your plans are completely changed to accommodate someone who wasn't even originally invited, tough shit, suck it up buttercup?