To give my SIL the heads up that DD is unwell before her big wedding

[MalibuBarbieDreamHouse]

Basically that, my DD5 is the flower girl for my SIL’s wedding, the other flower girls are younger and follow her lead… and my SIL has also organised for her to hold a sign.. read a little poem etc. There have been quite a few rehearsals!!

The wedding is Saturday and no expense has been spared but DD is not well, she was sent home from school on Monday with no obvious symptoms, but went down quickly, this morning we’ve been to the doctors and she had a double ear infection, high temp, potential sinus infection and a nasty cough, she’s exhausted and sleeping most of the day.

MIL and DH have both said I cannot tell SIL that DD is unwell, as she is very stressed this week, but part of me thinks it’s best to give her the heads up? I am due to go to a pre wedding brunch tomorrow morning, but will have to cancel due to looking after DD, so I tell her DD is unwell or I have to make up a worthy excuse to be missing it.

Could you and MiL come up with a plan B to present to SiL if DD can't make it? Anyone else who could be understudy for the poem? Can another child hold the sign? Anyone else who can lead the little ones? These are all the things that will need to be decided if DD can't go, so if you could have some suggestions ready for SiL, it may reduce her stress.

I think you should tell her...but I'd also say that she may well be fine by Saturday. Like a pp said, kids can bounce back very quickly.

You need to tell her! If she is unwell on Saturday will you be able to go to the wedding?

Can you find a replacement quickly and 'train them up' so that it still looks great ? And then tell her at some stage. So...SIL... there are unforeseen circumstances, but I've sorted it. But if child is still unwell, who will look after her on the day ?

Even if she is a bit fraught, she is still an adult and deserves the truth.

Talk to your MIL and DH and come up with a Plan B and if necessary a Plan C between you so that when you break the news you have a couple of solutions to hand to break the blow a bit.

But these things happen, things go wrong at weddings, my cousin, his wife and kids couldn’t come due to an outbreak of measles, it was fine. Life is life.

your sil isnt a child and everyone shhhoul stop walking on eggshells around her-youre dc is ill an thats that

I wouldn't go against the advice of others. What good does it serve? Just adds stress that might never happen.

I'm sorry your DD is unwell but your SIL needs to grow a pair ffs.

Children can go downhill so quickly when feeling poorly.
Your DD has now been given antibiotics so hopefully with plenty of rest and lots of fluids she'll soon pick up, who knows she may feel well enough to want to join in with her Aunt's wedding on Saturday.

Your DD is being taken care of by way of rest, antibiotics and such so the only concern right now is how you're going to get out of the pre wedding brunch, if your DH/MIL doesn't want you to say anything are one or the other going to sit with DD tomorrow in order for you to be able attend, if not its a bit selfish of them to expect you to find a valid reason for not attending when they both know the true reason.

Fair enough they don't want you to say anything about your DD being poorly but I certainly wouldn't lie about why I can't come to the brunch.

I’d see how she is tomorrow.

Definitely tell her

Three doses of antibiotics can make all the difference. Hold out at least until tomorrow. X

Id be amazed if she isn't right as rain by Saturday.

Anyone who gets upset about the impact on her event if a child is ill is not worth bothering about. Her only concern when she hears this should be for your DDs welfare.

Antibiotics can make a big difference in a short amount of time.

I'd do as your DH advises.

I think you need to tell her but explain that as DD is on antibiotics, you are hoping she will be well enough to do all the flower girl duties as planned.

It shouldn't be up to you to break the news, it should be the B2B's brother/sibling (other parent of the flower girl) to break the news. I read the opening post as your MiL & FiL not your DH so apologies. That's why I've edited this post. The DH doesn't want to tell his sister - I think he should, at the very least warn her that her niece may not be well enough but as her parents you're doing everything you can to try to help her get through this, and be well enough to attend.

If your DD is on a course of some sort of medication, it is possible that she may be well enough by Saturday to attend but I wouldn't want to put her under any pressure and feel like she has to be there because her aunt says so.

How is your SiL generally on being on the receiving end of not great news?

Kids bounce back. Her medication will have hit by Saturday. I bet shes fine by then. Fingers crossed

My first thought was that of course your SiL should have as much notice as possible but her brother and mother both obviously feel that upsetting her, possibly needlessly, is the wrong thing to do. They know her best. Can they help to come up with an alternative plan and are either of them going to break the news on Saturday morning? Are there bridesmaids who can herd the other flower girls, read the poem? (I actually think expecting teeny children to do more than face the right way for photos is a bit optimistic at a wedding). Hope your DD recovers quickly and everyone enjoys the wedding.

I’d listen to the people who know her best and say nothing.

Otherwise I think you run the risk of being the bad guy, especially if your daughter is well enough and the stress would be for no reason.

If shes had antibiotics she may feel better within 24h.
Definitely by saturday

Perhaps compromise and don’t tell her today and she how she is by midday tomorrow.

I thought YABU but DH and MIL obviously know her better than you and any of us and if DD is going to feel better by Saturday then it seems silly worrying her over nothing at such a stressful time.

If worst comes to worst and DD is still feeling very poorly on Friday afternoon then I would tell SIL that it’s just come on.

Definitely give it time for the antibiotics to kick in tonight before saying anything.

Tell her. If she wanted an adult only wedding maybe she'll be happy

Not meant to be passive aggressive but genuine. It may be her best excuse

She wouldn’t get an adult free wedding as her nieces and friends child are also flower girls. My DH said tonight, worse come DD5 isn’t well, then all the toddlers have to do is walk down the aisle, if it goes wrong, it will just be cute and something to laugh about!

I haven’t made contact, and my mum is babysitting tomorrow so I can go to the brunch. I think I will drop in that DD5 off school and see what her response is! Hoping the antibiotics kick in soon, she has been very tearful all day and DH has given in and she’s in our bed! I’m exhausted!!