What is he doing in the toilet all this time?

[heartandflower]

Dh gets up and goes straight to the toilet, he's in there about half an hour, comes home from work and the first thing he does is go to toilet for about half an hour, sometimes he will have additional toilet breaks all lasting around the same time.
I have asked him what takes so long and he just replies he's having a poo.
Is this usual behaviour? he does it when we are at my parents house or his, his mum once said he's always taken forever in the toilet.
We've been married over 10 years and there's no other strange behaviour but I do wonder why he feels the need to sit on the toilet so long.

I don't think it's healthy to sit with open bowels that long... I remember a friend did a conference about bowel disease and was banging on about how bad sitting on the loo is! (I have no details... sorry... slightly pointless).

The only reason this should be talked about critically is if someone is doing it to leave work to their partner, otherwise, it's no-one else's business. Aside, I guess, if someone's doing something else while in there; porn if that's non-negotiable for you, or being unfaithful.

Otherwise, butt out, it's just not your business or something to try to control. Yes, they may be 'avoiding family life', but who doesn't at times, and why is that wrong? My wife would often like to sit upstairs in the bedroom, or have a 90min bath when we had young kids, cos everyone needs a break sometimes.

I didn't assume she was texting someone she shouldn't, or feel she was off-loading the kids on me. Time on your own, however it's taken, is important, whether or not it's in a way you'd choose.

That's not even including, that some people take longer to have a bowel movement than others, diagnosed medical condition or not.

There's a ton of stuff to judge men about, this is just ridiculous however, unless it's part of a bigger problem.

As Micky Flanagan says, to do fak awwwwl (fuck all -for those who don't watch this comedian).

Before we leave the house, my partner will often say "I think I'll have another poo before we go". It baffles me! I've never been able to poo on demand!

If you train yourself enough biofeedback etc you can essentially "feel" that there's something there more easily and that you might be able to go. It becomes less habit and more that you are always aware of your bowel fullness like the fuel indicator in a car and can let it build up to full and then do your business

hes having a poo hes told you. might be IBS but you clearly have too much time on your hands to give this a second thought. let the man shit in peace.

They don't seem to do it at work... we have restricted time on toilet breaks except if a medical issue and it wouldn't be allowed!

I read somewhere that men in general tend not to wait for the urge to shit. They just go and sit until it drops out. Something to do with it feels good on their g spot or summick.

Made sense, no idea if it's true. I just assumed they're wanking.

I think we should all poo on company time!!

Does he take his phone in the toilet with him? I would say that's probably why he's taking so long. Although having said that,my exH used to spend ages in the toilet,and this was back in the late 80s, before mobile phones were a thing. I think he was just having a break from family life.

Life long slow pooper here. Female. I can’t remember it ever taking me less time. And any time I’ve tried to rush the process by straining I’ve ended up constipated and/or worse. I can’t imagine what it would be like to go in one or two minutes, my body just doesn’t work that way. Maybe some of us have naturally slower function in that area 🤷‍♀️

I'm sure there is a lot more wiping for men due to hair? I'm so glad I am single I don't have to deal with post man poop smell any more! Used to permeate around the house like a death stench🤮🤮

Cats too! Stimulates the vagus nerve apparently, makes them feel euphoric. Gives cats the post poo zoomies

If you train yourself enough biofeedback etc you can essentially "feel" that there's something there more easily and that you might be able to go. It becomes less habit and more that you are always aware of your bowel fullness like the fuel indicator in a car and can let it build up to full and then do your business

That sounds quite healthy, will look into that!

I grew up with an outside lav - I promise you nobody lingered.

My dh does it too and I’ve never understood, I wouldn’t mind except we only have one bathroom/toilet for 4 of us!

It's the number of times they have to go that gets me! I go once a day. Yet just about every man I've ever lived with has had to do at least three poos a day, each one lengthy (I know that's what they've been doing (at least in part) because of the smell). In my brother's case it used to be to avoid having to help with the washing up, but in the case of the husbands it was anyone's guess.

Three poos a day?! Each?! Maybe it's me that's not normal with my one...

I'm assuming masturbation to be honest, maybe not OP what you wish to read.

It's his version of a nice bath I guess. I remember living in a house share and the loo was pretty much the only place you could go for a few minutes peace!

Are you having regular sex? If not might be prn

He's probably reading Mumsnet threads.

I'd always assumed DH was looking at porn or browsing the Internet as he takes ages, but then my son was born. He's 11 now and takes bloody ages as well, with no phone or book or anything to keep him occupied. He's been the same since he was potty trained.

Between the two of them I reckon our bathroom is occupied for over an hour a day.

It does make me laugh when DH complains about DS taking so long though. Er.. pot, meet kettle?

DH always takes ages pooing, but so do I, partially because it takes a while but mainly because I sit and read on the loo.
I was told ages back that excreting releases endorphins (pleasure hormones) so that's perhaps another reason to take time over it 😁

Yes, they may be 'avoiding family life', but who doesn't at times, and why is that wrong?

That's very true. My bestie (a single parent) often used to go and sit on the loo for half an hour when her kids were young-but-old-enough-to-be-left-alone because it was the only place in the house she could get any peace and quiet.

My ex used to say that he'd go in for the initial poo, but once that was out he always felt like there was more that wasn't quite there yet to come, so he'd sit there until it did about 10 minutes later, and then there'd be a couple more rounds of doing the same thing.

Duolingo. I can hear it.