'Where was my invite?' is rude and aggressive

[Wearygirl]

I hate it when you are in a group chat online or in person and someone mentions they've been somewhere and someone else 'jokingly' says 'where was my invite'
I think its so rude and aggressive and there's no answer to it. It makes the person being asked so uncomfortable and awkward.

I have 2 different friends who use this line all the time and it drives me mad (maybe also because neither of them ever suggest or organise anything)

This is a great idea. I'm going to use it in my family NYT Connections chat when they annoy me.

God, I’ve got a mate who does even worse, just asks me every few months why they haven’t been invited for A dinner PARTY

wtaf?

I’ve organised drinks, shows, out for dinner, walks. I do NOT WANT TO INVITE YOU FOR DINNER BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE IN RESTAURANTS REWRITING THE MENU BECAUSE of your dislikes, intolerances and allergies. It’s exhausting

🖕

Great comeback! 👏👏

Lighten up. It's usually meant as a joke. My colleagues and I used to do it all the time. In fact it often became a competition who could be most "offended ' at not get being invited to any event, like putting the rubbish out or cleaning the toilets 😉

Unless she's actually being left out of group gatherings, then surely it's lighthearted, like asking to come in your suitcase when you book a holiday.

People say it all the time - it is a joke. It is not a joke if they say "why didn't you invite me" A few times people have said "where was my invite?" and the person they were speaking to did not understand they were joking, and have given reasons why they were not invited which has had everyone (including the person who asked, in stitches.

Isn’t it a way of saying ‘sounds great, I’d love to have been there.’ Ie not necessarily passive aggressive?

I think it depends on the occasion they say it about. If it was something like a night out with DH obviously they wouldnt be invited and is clearly a joke and so YABU and a bit touchy. If it was an event where they have perhaps been left out of or it would have been polite and kind to invite them then it probably is a dig at the organiser/group that left that person out.

This. It’s just a phrase and I’ve never seen it used where the person actually expected to be invited.

My response would be 'where is your question mark?

I jokingly asked if I could join a poster who had arranged a huge family holiday. (Obviously joking, i was just complimenting her organisation skills). But now I'm slightly disappointed she didn't reply with an egg on an ironing board emoji. I'd have liked that.

A joke is meant to make people laugh. If no one laughs - It's not a bloody joke

Asking "Where was my invite" is passive aggressive, especially when (like OP mentions) your friends don't stick to plans. You want to spend time, then you make plans and stick to them otherwise you won't get invited places

"Where was my invite?!" is a jokey remark to say it sounds like you had a good time. As PP have said, it's just like "What time shall I come for dinner?" when you've shared that you're cooking something delicious.

For some reason, "Why didn't I get an invitation?" sounds like a genuine question, plaintive and awkward.

That's what I was about to post. I would never take "where was my invite?!" as anything other than a joke. It's a specific wording that indicates light-hearted envy.

Pretty much any other wording asking why they weren't invited, is awkward and a bit pathetic.

I just reply with “must have got lost in the mail” usually. Normally shuts them up

I always take this sort of thing as a joke and laugh it off tbh. I wouldn't get caught up in a drama or debate, just move on.

Yeah – and in which case where was their invite? 😄

🐚 😂

"I don't really know how to reply to that."

Possible reply here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6IjuSycXjqM

DM says this to us all the time. She comes with us to lots of places (theme parks, holidays, etc) but if I take the DC somewhere she'll "jokingly" ask why she didn't get to come. Even if it's just the cinema or swimming or something. Drives me nuts! She says it to the kids too, which winds me up even more...

Its a pearl ppl!! 😂

I take this as a joke when people say it.

A lot of replies along these lines ... yet ... isn't this what people are advised to message when someone has been in the position of being the person left out? (There have been several MN threads from this point of view)

Perhaps the answer here is that people need to consider the other person's position a little more .

It's a joke. It means that whatever it is looks or sounds like it was good. So if someone is taking about what they did in Japan someone else could say 'aw, where was my invitation?'. Around here it is almost compulsory to ask if there is room for you in the suitcase of someone going on holiday when they tell you where they are going. It's just a way of saying 'nice holiday!'