I am grieving the loss of a family member atm (she passed Fri), so I am a bit emotional and not able to process things clearly, and need an outside perspective.
We live together and I have sacrificed an international, very well paid career to stay with him in a small village in the UK (but am hoping to return to this previous career in a year or so). I am infertile, no kids.
I do the lionshare of household duties as I am home more and am a very loving, attentive partner.
Yesterday he told me he has had something on his mind that has been bothering him and needed to speak to me about. A month ago, after I looked after him for a full day when he was sick (I turned down supply teaching to do so, losing money), and he then decided to go back to work the next day, I didn't seem concerned enough about him, as I agreed he should go back to work if he wanted to and felt up to it.
He said he felt I just wanted him out of the way and so didn't really care enough for him at that moment. I had looked after him the day before and he was adamant that he wanted to return, and seemed better, so I agreed that if he felt ready to go back to work he should. I also wanted to be available to work that day if supply teaching jobs came through, as I too needed the money, and apparently he felt that 'energy' e.g. lack of concern towards him, and it made him feel I didn't care enough.
I even texted him that day to tell him to come home if he felt he wasn’t well enough to be there once he got there, but he declined, saying he needed the money. However, he harbours resentment against me for my seeming lack of care for him by not encouraging him to take another day off and for me to stay home to look after him again. I see this as incredibly needy. He is a man and not a baby/child who needs me to decide whether he stays off work and gets looked after.
He has been feeling v upset about this, which to me is a non issue, and brought it up to me whilst I am trying to grieve for my family member but put a happy face on it so as not to ruin our evenings together. The fact he has done this now, when I am grieving and feeling delicate, has really upset me. It seems such a trivial thing to carry and to raise with me whilst I am so emotional.
The act in question happened about a month ago and it has been bothering him since, even on his mind when he wakes up in the night! To me it was nothing in the grand scheme of things.
He also said that lately I have been short with him but couldn't give me examples. I had recently been signed off sick with stress by my Doctor due to violence and aggression in the classroom on long term supply, and money has been a bit of an issue so I have been extra stressed recently. I definitely have not been myself but can't think I have ever been annoyed or short with him. I try my best to put on a brave face and look at positives.
I feel upset and resentful that I prioritise him in all areas of my life, have sacrificed money, and an international career, as well as sacrificed living near friends and family, and all of my love and care seems undone by one morning in which I didn't seem suitably concerned that he wasn't well enough to go to work, despite him deciding that he wanted to.
He is now apologetic but I feel so upset with him and am considering asking him to move out and going back to him staying over 2 or 3 times per week, instead of living in my house full time with me, but am I being unnecessarily reactive here?
I would really appreciate outsiders' perspectives on this as I am grieving and emotional at the moment!