Why are people using the made up word rapey?

[BirthdayRainbow]

It diminishes a violent act that is so awful for the victims. It is rape.

If someone is behaving in a way that appears it might lead to rape then they are potential abusers or appearing capable of assault. They are not yet rapists.

Remember when Kiddy fiddler was used to discuss sexual abuse of children? That was insulting too.

If you use the word, why?

I suppose my AIBU question is am I over reacting but tbh I feel what I do and if you disagree that is fine too. I'm seeing it used more and more on here.

[Pipecleanerrevival]

save your affrontedness for the act of rape. This is a waste of your outrage.

[MrsO3]

I’ve noticed ‘rapey’ is on the rise too. It’s not nice at all. “He seems a bit rapey” etc . Totally agree with you that it diminishes the true meaning of the word and act of rape

[Springbunbun]

As a rape survivor this new tree in terminology infuriates me i don’t know why it does but it seems to me that the word reduces the seriousness of rape and the lasting effect it has ..,, like “he seems a bit rapey” is being used around my social media for guys asking the time from a woman at a bus stop.

[CeraveFoam]

I agree, OP.

[Zanatdy]

Not heard anyone say it but if they are totally agree with you. It’s rape. End of

[Sunnydays0101]

I definitely agree OP. It seems to reduce the seriousness and awfulness of rape.

[BirthdayRainbow]

@Pipecleanerrevival i think it is a given that everyone is appalled by rape and I am capable of having more than one thought, feeling at a time.

@MrsO3 exactly.

It infuriates you because it does diminish the seriousness of rape @Springbunbun .

I wonder if any of the posters who are using the word have actually been raped or know anyone who has.

[BirthdayRainbow]

@CeraveFoam @Zanatdy @Sunnydays0101 you have all captured my thoughts exactly.

[GrumpyOldCrone]

I don’t read it as minimising rape. I read it as indicating that a man’s behaviour is the sort of behaviour that makes one suspect he might be a rapist. Which, unfortunately, many of them are.

[GoodVibesHere]

I agree OP. I cringe whenever I see 'that's a bit rapey'. Somehow it diminishes actual rape.

[IDontHateRainbows]

I use it to describe a situation, eg 'that sounds rapey af' , eg a creepy man trying to get a woman alone....

You don't own the language people use so yes YABU, i don't think it diminishes rape and I don't think it's something to be upset about in the grand scheme of things.

[WonderfulUsername]

If someone is behaving in a way that appears it might lead to rape then they are potential abusers or appearing capable of assault.
They are not yet rapists.

Therefore some people will describe their behaviour as 'rapey', not them.

[BirthdayRainbow]

It makes it sound cutesy @GrumpyOldCrone like the term kiddy fiddler. Kiddy is a lovely word to describe a small child. As soon as you make it KF it is a contradiction in terms.

[StrictlyAFemaleFemale]

I respectfully disagree. Instead of saying he's a bit dodgy which could mean anything rapey lends a certain gravity to pushing of boundaries or the nature and intent of whatever is being described. Those types of behaviours are the ones we're taught to minimise for fear of being rude. Im not sure I would go as far as to call it empowering, although I imagine for some it might be.

However I totally see OPs point.

[BirthdayRainbow]

But adding a y makes it like a nickname @WonderfulUsername It is awful.

[PrincessFionaCharming]

More policing of peoples language

[WonderfulUsername]

@Zanatdy

Not heard anyone say it but if they are totally agree with you. It’s rape. End of

No it's not 'end of'. I think that's the whole point of the word.

I've never heard anyone describe an actual rapist as 'rapey', just very questionable sexual behaviour that makes one think they could end up as one eventually.

[BirthdayRainbow]

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale I had a situation where an osteopath made me feel very uncomfortable twice in one appointment. But I didn't feel able to say anything in case it sounded like I was accusing him of being an abuser. And that is the problem that I suspect a lot of women have. I feel an innocent man would feel awful that a woman had felt uncomfortable. A guilty man might become more threatening if one says something so it is a very difficult line to tread.

[GrumpyOldCrone]

@BirthdayRainbow

It makes it sound cutesy @GrumpyOldCrone like the term kiddy fiddler. Kiddy is a lovely word to describe a small child. As soon as you make it KF it is a contradiction in terms.

Interesting. I don’t find it cutesy, but we all hear things differently. To me, it acknowledges that a surprisingly large proportion of men are actual rapists who depend on plausible deniability to get away with it.

[BirthdayRainbow]

@PrincessFionaCharming i m not policing anyone's language as it would be silly and futile to try as it is impossible. I don't like it so I was asking why posters were using it to see if I could get over my unease at the word.

I agree @WonderfulUsername that it is being used to describe men who are behaving in a sexually threatening way and not a proven rapist.

[Caerulea]

I get what you're saying but I think it has its place, especially for calling out behalf which, as Pp have said, is different to just dodgy. It's a very specific & significant word & tbh it's one I've seen men use against other men. How else could you describe a behaviour particularly.

If someone told me a guy was a bit dodgy I'd watch myself around them. We're they to use rapey, then I'd stay away completely. Again! Totally see why you feel as you do & respect that.

[SaltyGod]

I’ve been raped, and I don’t like it.

To be it diminishes the word. I’d rather people described the behaviour more accurately so ‘He’s acting in a predatory way’ or ‘The behaviour is threatening and makes me feel unsafe’ even ‘I worry he might sexually assault someone’

There are so many other powerful words to use, turning to ‘rapey’ seems to make the act less significant.

[GoodVibesHere]

@WonderfulUsername

No it's not 'end of'. I think that's the whole point of the word.

I've never heard anyone describe an actual rapist as 'rapey', just very questionable sexual behaviour that makes one think they could end up as one eventually.

See I think this is the problem. Rape is rape. There is something dangerous about making rape sound like there is a scale. 'A bit rapey'. No. There is raped or not raped.

[BirthdayRainbow]

See dodgy or creepy would be a word to use in those circumstances @Caerulea and I suspect a lot more palatable and less triggering for those who have been raped.

@SaltyGod 💐I am so sorry you've been raped. You are absolutely right. There are so many other words that could be used.

[BirthdayRainbow]

@GoodVibesHere your post is interesting. I contacted the rape crisis helpline as I wanted to have clarity about non consensual sex. I was told there is no such thing as non consensual. It is either sex or rape.