To expect DH to carry out very basic DIY?

[NikkiMartin]

How on earth do you get your respective OHs to pull their weight?

Presently want to shave my hair off, sell up and move to France - alone!

Why shave your hair off?

I wouldnt shave your hair off France isn't that warm

What do you mean by basic DIY? Is there a reason you can't do it? Tell us more!

Maybe ripping hair out is more akin to what I meant ^ 🤣

Really hoping this isn’t a sexist post, but you’ve given very little info…

Why can't you do basic DIY?

I can and do lots of DIY. I've done 80% of it since we bought a fixer upper together. I do 100% of the planning, procurement etc.

Current situation: he has not been asked to do anything in about 6 months. NOTHING. During that time I've done an insane amount. There's an incredibly basic project I've asked him if he could get the materials for, and we'll do it together.

I've been asking for two months: have you got that list yet. I ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WE NEED! four bits of wood and a metal grate, all from B&Q! He keeps saying he'll do it and never does it. It's became a ridiculous situation!

Do I cave and never ask him to do anything again? How do I make him care?!

Why does it have to be a man that does the DIY?

I did a DIY course for women years ago. It was great to learn the basics which I can do.

I don't have a useless man around - hallelujah! - and any jobs that are too much for me I hire a handyman. Works for me.

Are you unable to carry out basic DIY or super-proficient and can't understand why your DH isn't as skilled as you?

So it's not really about DIY is it. It's about shopping, or lack of it.

Since he won't do the shopping what does he do instead that's equal to it? If the answer is nothing, then why are you with him?

I think both partners should pull their weight with household tasks, but we all have different strengths! If you’re doing all the diy and the cooking, cleaning, kids, admin etc., then yes, he needs to up his game, but if you think he should be doing the diy just because he’s a man, then YABU!

To clarify - I thought asking for help would make him motivated and feel like he had the lead on something. And to share unequal distribution of labour!

Yes, I know it's easy to compare but all of my friends seem to have partners that will happily try to do things that are important to them. I feel like I'm the only one shovelling in the dirt.

My question is - how do you make someone care? :(

My DP is utterly hopeless at DIY, gardening and general cleaning. Luckily he's great at washing pots, doing bins and cat litter, plus really boring repetitive tasks, all of which I hate. I don't bemoan his shortcomings as, overall our division of labour seems fair. Plus I adore DIY and gardening.

Erm why can't you do some basic DIY? I do all the DIY in our house. My husband absolutely cannot handle it.

Very sexist to assume all men can or should do it, in the same way women and cooking/cleaning?

Erm she does just about all the DIY. She wants him to chip in.

@SwordToFlamethrower have you actually read OP’s posts she has pretty much done all the projects so far

I am just reposting this from the op to help all the posters warming up their fingers to say don’t you know women can do diy too and you should learn.

You can't make someone care. You can ask them to do something but if they don't then there is nothing you can do. Well, except for counselling to work out why, or accepting that you have a lazy/selfish/uncaring partner or you leave.

Does he do equal share of everything else?

I know lots of people, male and female, who employ professionals rather than attempt jobs they know they won’t be able to do well, or don’t have time to do, or just don’t want to do.

It’s fairly clear he isn’t going to do DIY. Irritating if you didn’t know that before you bought the doer-upper, but you know now, so time for plan B.

Yep, it's really bloody annoying. My husband is a builder and can turn his hand to most jobs. He does really fantastic work for his clients and is really in demand, just off customer recommendations. Can I get him to finish off the billion 'little jobs ' he's started around the house. No, I bloody can't !

Get him to cook, do laundry and clean whilst you do DIY if you can do it.

You can’t make someone care, OP. If he isn’t into DIY you probably need to either suck it up and do it yourself or start pouring joint money into it and getting in professional help.

Does he pull his weight in other ways or is does he leave everything up to you?

my partner is rubbish at DIY, so I don't ask him but pay someone else to do it