To hate taking toddler round peoples houses

[Jenny245]

It’s my idea of hell. My friend who has a baby doesn’t get it. She says oh bring him along! I say I don’t want to because he’ll destroy your house. She laughs it off. But it’s not enjoyable for me, I’m up and down every 2 seconds because he’s into everything. I don’t want to spend my time saying no repeatedly, I’d rather meet outside and let burn off energy.
What’s put me off also going around is the gathering is at 4pm. Would you take a toddler somewhere at 4pm even if their bedtime was at 6pm and had nursery the next day?

Gets up at 6/7am, she’s always slept through since 5 months so that’s why we kept the early bedtime. I think after reading these comments I need to be a bit more flexible with her bedtime.

I’d also not be dictated to in this manner and I find that a very early bed time. Do you not have a partner, do they get to spend no time with your kid in the evening? do you not have evening time together as a family

you need to take toys or stuff they can play with, and learn to manage the behaviour, the more you do it the easier it gets, but not going out past 3 o clock is not really the answer.

I’d be happy to go out at that time but to a park or the shops, not to a friend’s house. I completely understand what you mean about jumping up every few seconds. It is not even remotely relaxing to visit friends or even go to a restaurant most of the time with a toddler. I have to pick and choose locations very carefully. I much prefer being at home now because I can keep her safe and not worry about her bothering anyone else.

@Yourethebeerthief and surely you'd also do what works for your family rather than telling someone "I have no idea what this even means". If I didn't want my kids in bed at 6pm because I'd only walked in from work close to 6pm then that's what worked for us. I didnt have kids to put them in bed and not see their parents midweek. So you do you, and I'll do me.

We are very routine bound and I've always had good sleepers and good eaters. I don't go out after 4pm but its worth it.

That's quite good. My 8pm sleepers woke about 7.30. couldn't be done with the 5/6am starts so people seem to have. That's the middle of the night for me.

I think in summer especially you should be flexible. We have the nicest spontaneous evenings of just thinking popping out after dinner for an ice cream, or a walk with toddler on running bike last summer. We often have neighbours come around in summer for a drink in garden after dinner, their and our toddler playing in sandpit or helping watering plants etc when it’s cooler and they less likely get heatstroke.

I took my 3 year old on his bike at 6.30pm last night around block, he stopped to help neighbours refill bird feeders and play with their puppy. We were still home by 7.30pm, and he was in bed at 8pm ( he still woke at 5.50am..)

That's great if it works for you. We also had a great routine that worked perfect for us but it meant we felt like we had a bit of a life midweek too.

We have to be very regimented with our toddlers bedtime routine , he wakes at 5/ 6am no matter what time you put him to sleep but if his bedtime is too late he's like a demon the next day. He's in bed for 6.30 , we read some books and then sleep time for around 7 depending on how tired he is. I wouldn't mess with his routine for anyone .

partner gets back around 4 so we’ll have dinner and he’ll do the bath and read a book and bed while I clean up so that’s his time with DD I suppose. I pop upstairs sometimes and get involved with the book/ tucking DD into bed. Then one night a week we book a baby sitter to come at 6 so we can go out for a meal.
Summertime is coming soon so might be a good time for me to stretch bedtime a bit till 7. Have just discussed this with DH and he agrees we could try 7.

My 2yo goes to bed at 7 30pm (wakes at 7am) so I often take my 2yo out to a toddler class or park trip at that 4pm, but going to someone's house is different as it would drag on and tbh it would be boring for them if the friend doesn't have dc and toys to share. Generally I've never really liked socialising with young dcs in tow, you end up either constantly chasing your dcs as they run off and not really getting a chance to chat, or you ignore your dcs getting into scrapes while you have a catch up. Just better to do one or the other ime.

This thread has made me realise that we don’t have a lot of family time during the week. It’s always been Dad gets back from work and begin dinner bath bed so me and H can have ‘our time’
Our only family time was Saturday and Sundays where we do an activity / see friends and family
I always thought we’ll have evenings together as a family when DD is bit older like 4/5 when she starts school.
Its definitely something I am going discuss further with H and see what he thinks but as I said we’re both open to a later bed time because we still would get a couple hours in evening.

I absolutely avoid taking small children round other people's houses unless they have similar age children with toys etc and child proofing. It's an absolute nightmare and you never get to sit for 2seconds!

I also understand not wanting 4pm. I have a hyper child and I would never get them to bed at a decent time if they were out. It's fine on a Friday night etc but not for us in the week.

Oh god, don't change a thing if the routine is working for you and you are all getting sleep!

Toddlers have a mind of their own. I struggled the most with 3pm-6pm as my (now 2.5yo) was a moody little grouch from about 13 months. He's 2.5 now and a different child, I wouldn't hesitate to take him out at that time as he's delightful at that time now!

It's not forever xx

I’m with you on the not wanting to take them to people’s houses. Unless they also have small kids and therefore have a child proofed house and lots of interesting new toys.

4pm wouldn’t bother me too much, but I suppose some days are better than others in terms of tiredness. Also mine ate dinner around 5-6pm at that age so that would have to be factored in if friend wasn’t providing any food (another reason why I prefer friends house with similar age kids)

Mine are older now but I remember these days! I remember a neighbour inviting us round and as soon as we stepped inside I thought, uh oh - her house was full of shiny porcelain/glass knickknacks, so many at toddler level. She said "oh she'll be fine" and my heart was in my mouth as my supercharged toddler's eyes lit up at all the new treasures.

And yy to 4pm, that was always chill time in my house, ahead of the dinner and bath rush.

But it sounds like your child is thriving on the 6pm bedtime and you get the downtime you need. I’d put money on your child needing less sleep ina year and you’ll dream about those early nights you’re getting now. It’s all going to change soon enough

Sorry i don’t identify with this at all. My son has always been in childcare until 4.15. If the weather is ok, we go out for a walk afterwards. Or sometimes we have playdates for early dinner. I didn’t even know 6pm bedtime was a thing. 7pm more like. It’s 8pm now he’s 3.

Op if your routine works for your family stick with it, you will find that it evoles as your dd gets older anyway. Mine went to bed around 8 and slept til 8, that worked for us. Sometimes we missed a nap if we went out, it wasnt fun at bedtime but we got over it and on balance for us it was worth messing with our routine occasionally for the sake of a social life. If you really want to see your friend I would go, take some toys and snacks, and be prepared to cut the visit short if needs be. If you can see your friend any time, make arrangements that suit you better.

agreed. I think there’s a limited amount you can do to adjust toddler routines/crankiness for convenience’s sake.

I would visit someone at 4 but I wouldn’t want to stay too long, it just wouldn’t be fun.

It wouldn't work for my kids. I like taking them to people's houses, but only when they also have toddlers and get it!

Your friend with a baby will catch up soon when her baby becomes mobile. Invite her to yours instead

You're advice to OP is this:

"I just never put them to bed until more like 7:30pm-8pm when they were little"

This is useless to OP. Her child goes to bed at 6 and sleeps til 7. Mine does too. He'd be physically sick if I kept him up later than 6, he'd simply collapse with exhaustion. Why should someone force a child to stay awake so that they can see more of them? They'll stay awake longer when they're older and ready to.

Your "advice" is to "just" not put them to bed til 8. That's not helpful to the OP. She is looking for advice regarding not visiting friends who don't have toddler-proofed houses and are at the baby stage so don't get the stress of minding a toddler, and who also don't understand that staying out past 4 is no good to OP either.

Like I say, OP stick to what works for you. Your friend will likely have her eyes opened when her child hits toddlerhood. Most people would kill to have a child that sleeps reliably 6-7. I love it, he's thriving from consistent solid sleep and there are years of late night/evening visits to friends and family ahead when they're a bit older.

These threads are always full of posters apparently incredulous at 6pm bedtimes 🙄

So far we've had phrases like "I don't recognise this" and, "I wouldn't be dictated to like that", as if the toddler is doing it on purpose to piss their parents off.

Really, people have a positive bias towards their own experiences of raising a child and will give "advice" about things they think they made a conscious decision about, when really it's just the luck of their child's personality/temperament etc.

So they'll say things like "I'd just take him round with a bag of toys and he can go to bed at 8:30 when we get home", because that's what worked for them. They make it out to be some kind of parenting decision they made rather than they happened to have a child who's body clock had them ready for bed at 8:30.

You could no more take that child, put them to bed in a dark room at 6 and expect them to sleep, than you could take my son and somehow force him to stay awake til 8:30 just to enjoy the company of other people.

Of course there are ways around it now and again. If we need a bit of extra time in the evening to do a social thing with our son we'll factor in a little half hour nap in the car. But he'll still be hanging by a thread by 7pm at the latest. We stay over at friends' houses and he sleeps in a travel cot. We go to various events and he just falls asleep in the buggy/carrier/in our arms on the train/in the car. We don't miss out on life because of his routine.

But for the most part it's dinner at 4, bed at 6, and a blissful evening to ourselves. Some kids need that rigid consistency most of the time. I have a lot of friends with kids between 2 and 3 who are on their knees with late bedtimes and dream of their child going to bed at 6pm.

@Yourethebeerthief OP asked how people would handle the situation, I was never stuck in from 3pm as I felt like that was far too restricting. Which other people have said too. We are all allowed our opinions, just like you. OP has said this thread has made her realise she needs to be more flexible, and will try 7pm. So thanks for your "telling off", I didn't tell the OP to "just" do anything, I said what I did. If your child collapses and vomits staying up after 6pm you should probably speak to a GP.

😂