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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex tried to get son to poo in a bag!

49 replies

NlouiseA · 15/04/2024 18:58

Ex & I co parent DS who is 5. Ex tried to take him camping, DS needed a poo so Ex told him to poo on the grass, he wouldn't so he got him to go in the car with a bag, he still couldn't so they went home. This is all per my DS.

AIBU to text Ex and say this shouldnt be happening. Honestly sometimes question whether I should even trust him with DS when I hear things like this, he's obviously not in danger but who does this with a child!

DS says they were wild camping, so considering texting to say in future would prefer they go to a campsite and just not mentioning the poo in bag situation! There was domestic abuse in the relationship previously & always struggle to know what to mention/ not mention.

AlBU to send a message?

OP posts:
Coffeemama · 15/04/2024 19:02

Yeah like you say it's not life threatening or anything but YANBU, I hate the idea of this being my 5yo...it's not very nice is it. Sounds like he wasn't very prepared and bit dodgy not being on actual camp site? Maybe a message to at least find out more details rather than initially have a go?

rookiemere · 15/04/2024 19:06

Was DS upset by this ? TBH I can imagine DH trying to take DS when young wild camping and coming across the same situation, the bag just sounds like he was trying to improvise.
Unless DS was upset I would probably not mention it. I'd imagine he has learned his own lesson about taking DS camping without toilet facilities.

InlikealionOutlikeahare · 15/04/2024 19:09

What would you have preferred? If there were no toilets nearby what was your ex supposed to do/.

FictionalCharacter · 15/04/2024 19:09

No wild camper poos on grass. It just isn't done. You find somewhere out of the way on soil and away from waterways, and you bury it. It's basic hygiene and keeping the countryside clean.
Your ex is clueless. IMO 5 years old is too young for wild camping anyway. Why couldn't he go to a campsite and give the child a nice gentle introduction to camping?

SarahAndQuack · 15/04/2024 19:13

Wilding camping isn't pooing on the grass/in a bag!

I think at 5, he's too young. My (idiot) ex once gave DD a lecture about wild camping and how you bury your poo with a little trowel, and it confused and upset her.

If it were me, I'd concentrate on how your son was, rather than why it arose. So I'd say 'DS came back really upset about getting caught away from a proper toilet.'

Yourethebeerthief · 15/04/2024 19:14

I am completely baffled by your post OP. What do you expect your ex should have done? Why is something like this cause for not trusting him? And why did they abandon the camping to come home?

I remember wild camping toilet experiences at a similar age. I can recall being shy and my mum staying with me behind a bush and helping me. Why did your ex abandon everything and bring your son home? How far even was the drive that he could hold his poo in so long?

I'm bamboozled all round. I think your ex should take him camping more often. It's good bonding time and your son can learn how to go when he needs to go- it sounds like he'd benefit from learning some outdoors skills with his dad.

fieldsofbutterflies · 15/04/2024 19:15

If they were wild camping there aren't really many options. You either bury it or bag it up and take it home with you.

I can understand a 5yo being upset/weirded out but I don't think your ex did anything wrong per se.

HanaJane · 15/04/2024 19:26

My DH has taken both our DDs wild camping, but not when they were as young as 5, I would say it's more of an 8+ activity. A campsite with other children to play with would be a better experience with a 5yo to introduce him to camping. I don't think you need to do anything though unless DS is very upset about it - I guess Ex has learnt his lesson

SarahAndQuack · 15/04/2024 19:29

fieldsofbutterflies · 15/04/2024 19:15

If they were wild camping there aren't really many options. You either bury it or bag it up and take it home with you.

I can understand a 5yo being upset/weirded out but I don't think your ex did anything wrong per se.

But you don't take a five-year-old wild camping and not explain this, nor do you get them to poo on the grass. If you take quite a small child wild camping, surely, you explain there won't be a toilet, but look, it's ok, we are all prepared because we have a little trowel/a potty lined with a bag/whatever.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/04/2024 19:32

It was obviously out of your DS’s comfort zone but it’s not atypical for wild camping. Commercial UL camp sites are usually noisy, crowded and nowadays, expensive - I much prefer the openness and adventure of wild camping. We have a porta-potty (though which ultimately, isn’t that different to using a bag, as it’s lined with plastic liners.) Worth just noting to ex that DS is more used to home comforts so needs to be introduced to wild camping slowly, and suggesting a porta-potty.

DisforDarkChocolate · 15/04/2024 19:34

Even wild camping doesn't mean you poo on the grass. Human poo is too toxic for that.

nopenotplaying · 15/04/2024 19:35

My 5 year old would find this hilarious 😆 the story of pooing in a bag would be told for years 😂 chill out

pinkdelight · 15/04/2024 19:42

I wouldn't make a deal out of this. Sometimes a kid has to shit in the woods. Let him parent and choose other battles.

Catza · 15/04/2024 19:43

I really think you are making a big deal out of what is a very funny situation that your son will laugh about when he grows up. They were out, he couldn’t poo using the options provided so his dad took him home. I am struggling to see how your ex could have handled it better and why you don’t think you can trust him.

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 15/04/2024 19:44

I tried to get my 3 year old to poo in a bag the other week. It was an emergency. It was also a ‘travel john’. He wouldn’t do it either. I don’t think I did anything wrong.

Bountifulbarbie · 15/04/2024 19:45

I sounds like you are looking for reasons to have a go at your ex tbh

Has your son never been for a long walk in the country and got caught short? Should he not go for long walks with DS in case that happens too?

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 15/04/2024 19:46

OP
What was you advised by your ex when you asked him what would happen if your DS needed to do a number 2? You said its "wild camping" though i have never been camping i am guessing there are no toilets

BobbyBiscuits · 15/04/2024 19:51

Have they not heard of a camping toilet? Or even dig a hole on the woods and bury it at the very least? I'd say going in a bag in a car in a sanitary manner would be tricky for an adult, never mind a 5 yo!

DobbyTheHouseElk · 15/04/2024 19:56

A potette, is a bag with a potty. It’s very useful for potty training toddlers. I’m sure we had to use it in an emergency when DC was around the age of your DS. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, it’s an actual product.

Pantaloons99 · 15/04/2024 20:03

Feels like you should pick your battles and this really isn't worth being upset over. I'd save contact about what he's doing for something that is concerning. This would not have bothered me. I might have found it weird but not concerning.

itsgettingweird · 15/04/2024 20:16

I'd text and suggest next time he takes a porta loo or something.

It's not really ideal what he suggested but if he had nothing else I suspect he was stumped. At least he came home when he realised ds needed to go and couldn't.

I'd have been more annoyed if he'd stayed knowing ds was uncomfortable with it.

Greenfinch7 · 15/04/2024 20:21

Completely fine to dig a hole and poo in it and bury the poo. We have always done this when hiking in wilderness, and it is just what you do when in the woods. Pooing in a bag sounds difficult, but not shocking in any way- just easier and more natural to poo in the woods

PrincessTeaSet · 15/04/2024 20:26

I don't think he's done anything wrong. Presumably he would have picked up the poo if your son had done it on the grass.

Pooing in nature is what humans have always done -whats weird is that modern humans are so squeamish about it. It's only population density that means we can no longer just go in the woods.

And what's this about 5 year olds being too young for wild camping? We literally evolved to wild camp. It's suitable for any age.

YenneferOfBattenberg · 15/04/2024 20:30

YABU.

BoobyDazzler · 15/04/2024 20:33

Sounds a fairly normal wild camping activity to me.