Ex tried to get son to poo in a bag!

[NlouiseA]

Ex & I co parent DS who is 5. Ex tried to take him camping, DS needed a poo so Ex told him to poo on the grass, he wouldn't so he got him to go in the car with a bag, he still couldn't so they went home. This is all per my DS.

AIBU to text Ex and say this shouldnt be happening. Honestly sometimes question whether I should even trust him with DS when I hear things like this, he's obviously not in danger but who does this with a child!

DS says they were wild camping, so considering texting to say in future would prefer they go to a campsite and just not mentioning the poo in bag situation! There was domestic abuse in the relationship previously & always struggle to know what to mention/ not mention.

AlBU to send a message?

He should have gotten a Luggable Loo! When we camp in the middle of the desert I have an improvised Luggable Loo, two 5 gallon buckets, one stacked inside the other, lined with two bin liners and a good amount of cedar shaving Guinea pig litter. It’s topped with a plastic toilet seat. I’d never be able to go and then bury it and going on the grass - just no!

He abused you when you were in a relationship but he's allowed unsupervised access to your child?

My dd had to in a bag once when I locked my keys inside. She went to the car did what she had to. Of course she wasn't thrilled and I felt awful but what else can you do in an emergency?

When wild camping you should leave no trace of you ever being there , so poo in the grass and bag it or straight into a bag and take away to dispose of is the way to go . You Ex should have told your DS that this is what would be happening before they went so he knew what to expect and then he probably would have been ok with it.
you shouldn't ever just poop where you want and just leave it lying, that's dirty trash camping for dirty scumbags.

I was with a mum once whose LO needed a poo at the playground. No toilet facilities and he couldn’t wait. She took him behind a bush with a bag. I guess if there are limited options…

This is pretty standard camping if there is no toilets- although usually you'd dig a deep hole- personally not a fan of that because if you don't dig it deep enough it's pretty nasty. Crapping in a bag means it can all be taken away and dumped and not left behind- again, not unusual camping behaviour. Your son didn't want to do either of these, so his dad took him home- good parenting. You are over reacting and it really isn't up to you to dictate what kind of camping they do. Given I've camped with a child from 6 months on, I don't see anything wrong with not being at a fully stocked campsite, it's quieter and usually more fun.

Presumably if DS had pooed on the grass, ex would have used the bag to dispose of it - if son at 5 has too many hang ups to poo on grass/behind a bush maybe he needs to spend more time with DH.
Once in the car, understandable that DH didn't want him to poo first then bag it.

Sounds like it was a self-learning lesson. You don't need to send a message.

I don't think he's done anything wrong.

We don't know he didn't prep the child before hand.

We don't know that he actually said "on the grass" and not somewhere else outside.

And there's nothing wrong taking a 5yo wild camping.

Parent who's Son has pooed in a bag right here

I think you need to let this go OP, Kids get caught short sometimes but no real damage done. Pretty sure your Ex will be investing in a Potty / bucket for the next Camping trip!

This sounds like a complete non issue.
sounds like ex tried to do something fun. It didn’t quite work. A lot of kids would quite happily poo on the grass. He’ll probably find somewhere with a loo next time. Texting him about it (or even caring about it), seems completely ott

i thought 5 yr olds were still into all things poo and poo jokes galore.
camping/hiking yup sometimes you have to shit in the woods (and clean up bag or bury) when there are no latrines.

I don't understand what he did wrong tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's standard. Abusers get to see/co parent their kids all the time. It s a very high bar to stop contact and most male judges in family court don't leap that high.

Wild camping or simply to cheap to pay for a campsite?

This is a non event. Good to go camping and have different experiences. Things go wrong if you are outdoorsy people. Please don’t make this sort tripharderforyour ex.

It is over now, don't send a message unless there are real and continued implications. Your ex has probably tried to do a nice thing for him and his son to enjoy together and hasn't realised that it might not work out. He hasn't judged it quite right, either by age by having the right equipment for his son's needs "at that age". I think he has probably learned this, and he did bring him home when he realised that there were issues. Next time I suspect it will be different, and slightly better equipment or modifications will work another time, maybe at a slightly older age. I work in the outdoors with young people, and you get a massive range from 6 year olds that are gung ho and will do anything, eat anything, love it all, to 14 year olds that are terrified by it all at first, and can't cope with absolutely anything out of their version of normality. Resilience is a great thing, unfortunately, you have to learn it by experience. If your son has forgotten it tomorrow, so should you, and I know how hard this might be, so hugs. xxx

I don't see a problem with this at all. I grew up in Sweden and we went wild camping throughout my childhood every summer. Never any toilets there but always a lake to go swimming in. We just dug a hole and then covered it as we went along. It really doesn't need to be traumatic, it should be fun and exciting at that age.

@NlouiseA Was he upset or just telling you?

It sounds like he tried to do something fun with DS and when it wasn't working he took him home so I'm not sure what you would bring up.

Also people saying the ex doesn't have a clue about wild camping, remember the "pooing on the grass" bit came from the 5 year old, ex may have gone onto Bury it after, could have already dug a hole.

Yabu. What would you do op...you in the woods, no toilet and your five year old wanted a poo.

Maybe not an age appropriate event for your son necessarily, I don't know as I've never been.
Perhaps he should have warned him in advance so he could gauge whether your son was comfortable/ needed any extra things but it sounds like your ex acted appropriately in the situation. Other than "not go", what else was he supposed to do?

Out of interest, what do people do if they are out on a country walk and their child needs a poo?

I don't understand why a child would be 'confused and upset' by being told that people bury a poo with a trowel when they go wild camping.