Is punching furniture aggressive and potentially DV?

[LiterallyOnFire]

Please can we have a range of opinions.

Why do you want a range of opinions, are you a journalist?

Personally anyone punching furniture in my home would find themselves outside. Quickly. I dont like weird behaviour and I preserve items in my home: I wouldnt want them broken by a fool. I dont even know people who behave like that and I wouldnt want to, either.

I'm not sure either, especially if out of character and a one-off. I would never gave described my exh as physically abusive but I did get very wary of him when we were going through our divorce. He would throw things (& smashed a large light bulb in the process), broken a chair, chopped down a tree & when I slept on the sofa, he'd come in and wake ne up, saying rhat as ge couldn't sleep, why should I be able to? He raised his hand and did stupid snorty breathing (like an angry bull) but never hit me. Now, after divorce, he's back to 'nirmal' & we get on very well. Still not sure if that counts as abuse as so short lived & out of character.

Yes it is aggression and worrying. I'd be scared and would question this. Anger breeds more anger and aggression more aggression.

It definitely can be. I worked in MH hospital and you won’t find it surprising that we had much damage to the property done over the years. Was it aggressive? Yes. Was it abusive? Not really.
That’s not to say that it won’t become DV at some point, but this is not yet the point unless punching furniture is done to deliberately intimidate others in the household.

Yeah, it was abusive behaviour.

Just because it wasn't continued doesn't change the fact that that period in your relationship was abusive.

my ds has been known to punch the wall but i think that is teenage behaviour.

I think for me it depends on the situation. Someone has got absolutely awful news on the phone, cant do anything about it and proceeds to punch the sofa a few times, I wouldn't say this is a worrying DV flag. Someone yelling at their partner who then punches a door, absolutely abusive and they are likely to hit their partner eventually I reckon.

Yes, it is DV. At the very least a precursor of it.

My DP lost his temper and broke his phone and on another occasion kicked the door frame so it broke. I told him it was a slippery slope until it was my face, and if he ever did anything like it again I'd leave him. He apologised, did some research about managing anger and he's never done it again (this was multiple years ago). He knows if he did I'd leave him, baby and all.

Mental health isn't an excuse, his mental health is his responsibility. As others have said, these things always happen domestically, I bet the relative's partner wouldn't have punched a sink at work. This indicates they DO have control, and that breaking / punching things is absolutely a choice.

I think context and intent matter as well.

If someone burns the dinner they’re making and does it because they’re annoyed only with themselves, then no.

If it’s during an argument or in any way directed towards another person or expressing feelings or anger about or towards the other person, then yes.

Well in my case the DV began with punching things in the house and destroying my stuff. It eventually escalated to punching me.

Not always. There could be several reasons for it.

Like @saveamouse, I have been guilty of wrecking things in a rage/meltdown. I still have unrepaired holes in the walls in my house. But I have done that in front of people, and also alone. It has never even crossed my mind to direct my unregulated outburst to another person. It was always an item... and in most cases myself.

Yes

'Common assault' is intentionally or recklessly causing another to suffer OR APPREHEND immediately unlawful violence. The fear is enough to fulfil the offence

I'm on anti anxiety meds. But even before I've never felt the need to punch someone or something. Anxiety made me want to hide under the table not turn into an aggressive threatening twat.

Second everyone else here, they're trying to intimidate you. You will be next.

I hate when men do this, it's so fucking terrifying. I don't think they realise quite how scary it is for someone to be punching holes in your furniture, house, etc. I've been told, "it' was just frustration and I didn't touch you, stop being dramatic" if I've mentioned it afterwards with DH or with my ex and it never seemed a good idea to continue those conversations.
It's embarrassing too, having to hide damage or lie about what happened if family visit.

My DH used to depend on propranolol, for anxiety. Anxiety can manifest in different ways. He used to throw things at walls or the floor when in a rage. It was very intimidating, even though I knew then (and now) he wouldn’t harm a fly (too much pride). No, he never did it anywhere other than his home which he considered his place to stop masking and keeping it all in during the day.

I told him it had to stop. He said he didn’t know how. I suggested a counsellor. He saw one, for many months. CBT and a LOT of personal work. A lot. It wasn’t easy.

He now no longer needs propranolol, and he no longer gets angry, because he has learned how to control his anxiety. It’s been years now since his last episode, and I couldn’t even tell you exactly how many.

So, yes and no. It took a lot of work, and a deep desire to change.

A four legged animal with fur and teeth, growling at you, could be a hungry wolf, a scared puppy, a threatened cat or a tiger on the prowl. Make sure you know what you’re dealing with before jumping to conclusions.

@SpikeGilesSandwich have you realised you are being abused too?

@shenandoahvalley I think your DH is the exception to the rule then. And as you say, if they recognise the problem and have a genuine desire to change, that's different.

Yes.

Punching furniture or walls especially in the vicinity of another person is still a form of assault. If its damaging your property then that's abuse. If they do it knowing you can't afford another piece of the furniture they've wrecked it's financial abuse. If it scares you or makes you feel like you need to back down on something to stop things escalating then it's emotional abuse.

For those saying it's a one off- police will still class that as domestic violence. Its not really a question when there's a legal implication to it.

@SpikeGilesSandwich often they do realise and that's why they do it. There's a level of control to choose to hit near you but not hit you.. you don't need to be physically touched for it to be classed as assault. What you're describing is abuse and gaslighting. It's not that they don't know it's scary - it's that they don't want to lose control or take responsibility for their unacceptable behaviour because this way they can control you. Please get support from womens aid and if your dh starts punching the sofa in temper please know its completely acceptable to ring the police on him.

My ex used to throw things around, I was with him for 10 years and he never touched me. He could be that way at work/with friends too.

Just to offer a different experience. Punching stuff doesn't always mean a person will hurt you.

It does always mean the person is emotionally immature though.

And I didn't like it.

I'd say yes if done in full knowledge that you are witnessing it.

Yes

Yeah first he punches the wall then you. It's unacceptable