Do all men live like this or just mine?

[Bananaramallamakarma]

My dh lives in a mess, he lives like a pig. His personal hygiene is good, he never smells but that’s where it ends. We have seperate rooms and his room is dirty and messy, piles of clothes everywhere, surfaces thick with dust, he never vacuums. He never cleans or tidies or even changes his bed. His car is also filthy. He runs his own business so is quite busy with that all the time but I also run a small business plus do the majority of the child care and housework but I won’t clean his room. I used to clean it for him but I’ve stopped as he just lets it get bad again and I have enough to do - and I am not his mother. It’s starting to give me the ick that he can live like this at his age. He is 45 years old, he was messy when I met him but he was young so I assumed he would get better with age. He hasn’t. Is it normal for men to live in their own filth and not be bothered by it? It can’t be good for his health, mental health or physical health.

No. Dh is way tidier than me!

I couldn’t be with someone that was like that. If he doesn’t change his bed then he isn’t clean. It would be like living with a teenager.. eurgh!!

Not all men, no. I know some that are the 'cleaners' and 'tidiers' in their relationships. Although, I do believe they are in the minority. Mine is like yours.

My husband is better at tidying as he goes than me, I generally let it pile up and then tidy in one go (though working on it). However, dirt bothers me more than him, and his tidying might just be moving his plate to the sink whereas I would put all the dishes in the dishwasher (and switch it on if full).

He won’t clean the bathroom, brush the floors or dust, even if the house is filthy. I also find that if he didn’t tidy something up at the time, he’s happy to leave that sitting for days while he sits on his phone or Xbox. Our house is always a mess because there’s only so much he wants to do, and only so much I can do.