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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to arrange childcare?

52 replies

mogtheforg3tfulcat · 14/04/2024 20:38

About 6 months ago dh and I were invited to the evening reception of a wedding. Bride used to work with DH and he hasn't seen her in over a year. He's never met the groom and I have never met either of them. I can't really be arsed with going to the wedding as I won't know anyone there (DH probably won't either) and the effort of getting ready etc isn't worth it to spend an evening making small talk with strangers. Dh wanted to go though so I said I'd go with him. He mentioned that we would need to ask someone to look after the DC and suggested asking my parents. I said they'd likely be willing and he should check with them. Wedding is next weekend and he hasn't asked them. I've reminded him that we can't go without childcare and that he needs to sort something. I know that I could just ask them myself but this wedding is very low effort for dh (bung on a suit and go) and higher effort for me and I'm not bothered about going in the first place. Aibu to say if he wants to go he needs to arrange childcare?

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 14/04/2024 20:39

I mean, I can see your point but it seems unnecessarily petty of you not to ask.

Whatsnormalhere · 14/04/2024 20:41

The wedding is in a week and you don’t have any childcare arranged? This is poor. If your parents can’t do it, will you just not turn up and let the bride & groom down - it’s rude

Tulip32 · 14/04/2024 20:41

Agree with first response, this is really petty. Are you a team or not?

Scarletttulips · 14/04/2024 20:41

I don’t blame you.

He knows what’s needed for enable you to go. That’s on him.

Is it petty? Probably - but that’s how is woman are fooled into doing the wife work isn’t it?

If we don’t do it, it doesn’t get done.

Trickabrick · 14/04/2024 20:42

In the time you’ve written a post about your unnecessarily petty situation, you could have texted your parents to ask if they’re free to babysit 🤷🏻‍♀️

Scarletttulips · 14/04/2024 20:42

Are you a team or not?

Yo need two to make a team - I’m sure OP have done her share - DH on the other hand …. Probably not.

BirthdayRainbow · 14/04/2024 20:43

I'd say dh have you sorted the childcare. If he says no say if it's not sorted by tomorrow night then you'll be going alone or letting bride and groom know we aren't coming.

TheBeesKnee · 14/04/2024 20:43

Wtf. I would expect you to ask you parents because they're your parents. I'd expect him to ask his if they were on the cards for babysitting.

Do you both struggle with communicating and being petty?

BirthdayRainbow · 14/04/2024 20:43

Trickabrick · 14/04/2024 20:42

In the time you’ve written a post about your unnecessarily petty situation, you could have texted your parents to ask if they’re free to babysit 🤷🏻‍♀️

Missing the point..

hottchocolatte · 14/04/2024 20:43

I mean, I can see your point but it seems unnecessarily petty of you not to ask.

Agree with this.

You've probably spoken to them since then and could have just asked.

Is there a reason why he hasn't asked?

hottchocolatte · 14/04/2024 20:44

I don't think @Trickabrick is necessarily missing the point @BirthdayRainbow

I think she's suggesting PP is being petty...

BirthdayRainbow · 14/04/2024 20:46

No, it's his colleague, he wants to go, he should sort the childcare.

Original poster
mogtheforg3tfulcat · 14/04/2024 20:46

Agreed, it is quite petty. And I see your point about it being rude not to turn up as well, although dh would still go and it's the evening so not paying per head for a meal or anything. But if he isn't arsed enough to arrange childcare then why did he agree to go? I was clear from the off that I'd rather not go and it's very clearly an invitation for him so I feel like it's not my circus if that makes sense?

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 14/04/2024 20:47

Funny how everyone goes on about how unfair it is that women carry all the mental load of life admin, but the second a woman decides not to automatically do the life admin she's accused of being petty. It's his thing, he needs to sort it out.

BananaLambo · 14/04/2024 20:47

You don’t want to go. Why don’t you stay home and do the childcare?

hottchocolatte · 14/04/2024 20:48

@BirthdayRainbow Sure that's your opinion.

You just seemed to misunderstand @Trickabrick post so I was explaining to to you

hottchocolatte · 14/04/2024 20:49

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine I think the fact she's a woman is irrelevant. If roles were reversed I'd say he was being petty if refusing to ask his own parents for childcare.

but also @BananaLambo makes a great point and you could just use it as an excuse to stay home!

ByUmberViewer · 14/04/2024 20:49

Yanbu he can organise childcare too

Original poster
mogtheforg3tfulcat · 14/04/2024 20:50

TheBeesKnee · 14/04/2024 20:43

Wtf. I would expect you to ask you parents because they're your parents. I'd expect him to ask his if they were on the cards for babysitting.

Do you both struggle with communicating and being petty?

His parents are never on the cards for babysitting because they live too far away. Actually we're normally good at communicating and I feel that I have communicated to him that he needs to arrange this. But yes, I probably am being petty.

OP posts:
NoraLuka · 14/04/2024 20:51

He knew what he was supposed to do and hasn’t done it, and it sounds like the consequences will bother him the most. Maybe he’ll remember next time, can’t see a problem 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
mogtheforg3tfulcat · 14/04/2024 20:52

BananaLambo · 14/04/2024 20:47

You don’t want to go. Why don’t you stay home and do the childcare?

I would strongly prefer to do this and said that from the beginning. Dh asked me to go to the wedding with him though and happy enough to do that for him.

OP posts:
pootlin · 14/04/2024 20:52

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 14/04/2024 20:47

Funny how everyone goes on about how unfair it is that women carry all the mental load of life admin, but the second a woman decides not to automatically do the life admin she's accused of being petty. It's his thing, he needs to sort it out.

This

OP, he is making zero effort, don’t arrange childcare. Tell him he should go on his own.

Scarletttulips · 14/04/2024 20:52

You don’t want to go. Why don’t you stay home and do the childcare?

Gosh if only OP hadn’t thought of that….. oh wait

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/04/2024 20:53

You’re not being petty - you’re just not behaving like your H is a big baby who needs to be infantilised.

His friend, only the evening do, he hasn’t sorted childcare - he can go on is own.

So many posters thinking you should be his obedient social secretary servicing his every need even when a)he hasn’t asked and b)you don’t want to.

Fuck that.

neverendingcold · 14/04/2024 20:55

Tbh I think if you're planning on asking your parents that's best coming from you but yes he should be asking you to ask them.

Tbh I'd just leave it then on the day say what do you mean you didn't sort childcare and stay at home. He'll have a great time and can really let his hair down and you can stay at home and get a takeaway or whatever. Win win