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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to arrange childcare?

52 replies

mogtheforg3tfulcat · 14/04/2024 20:38

About 6 months ago dh and I were invited to the evening reception of a wedding. Bride used to work with DH and he hasn't seen her in over a year. He's never met the groom and I have never met either of them. I can't really be arsed with going to the wedding as I won't know anyone there (DH probably won't either) and the effort of getting ready etc isn't worth it to spend an evening making small talk with strangers. Dh wanted to go though so I said I'd go with him. He mentioned that we would need to ask someone to look after the DC and suggested asking my parents. I said they'd likely be willing and he should check with them. Wedding is next weekend and he hasn't asked them. I've reminded him that we can't go without childcare and that he needs to sort something. I know that I could just ask them myself but this wedding is very low effort for dh (bung on a suit and go) and higher effort for me and I'm not bothered about going in the first place. Aibu to say if he wants to go he needs to arrange childcare?

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 14/04/2024 20:56

hottchocolatte · 14/04/2024 20:48

@BirthdayRainbow Sure that's your opinion.

You just seemed to misunderstand @Trickabrick post so I was explaining to to you

I didn't misunderstand . But thanks

Trickabrick · 14/04/2024 20:57

BirthdayRainbow · 14/04/2024 20:43

Missing the point..

Show quote history

Nope, don’t think I did. The OP has agreed to go with her DP but has then spent more time discussing it on mumsnet than it would take to ask her parents - it’s petty and a waste of time. If she doesn’t want to go then just be an adult and tell him so. FWIW, I’d expect him to ask his parents if they were being asked to babysit.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/04/2024 20:59

I wouldn't expect your dh to ask you dp to babysit tbh. Pretty normal to take the lead with your own parents.

If you don't want to go then have an adult conversation about it.

neverendingcold · 14/04/2024 20:59

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 14/04/2024 20:47

Funny how everyone goes on about how unfair it is that women carry all the mental load of life admin, but the second a woman decides not to automatically do the life admin she's accused of being petty. It's his thing, he needs to sort it out.

We aren't all one and the same person

TayIor · 14/04/2024 21:00

My DH asks his parents, I ask my parents. Regardless of where we are going and why, that's how we do it. We are a team. We are not petty.

Original poster
mogtheforg3tfulcat · 14/04/2024 21:01

Stompythedinosaur · 14/04/2024 20:59

I wouldn't expect your dh to ask you dp to babysit tbh. Pretty normal to take the lead with your own parents.

If you don't want to go then have an adult conversation about it.

In fairness, we have had an adult conversation about it. I said he should just go on his own, he said he'd rather I went with him so we could at least chat to each other, I agreed to go and told him to sort childcare. Can't really think of another way to have gone about it.

OP posts:
ivs · 14/04/2024 21:03

Trickabrick · 14/04/2024 20:57

Nope, don’t think I did. The OP has agreed to go with her DP but has then spent more time discussing it on mumsnet than it would take to ask her parents - it’s petty and a waste of time. If she doesn’t want to go then just be an adult and tell him so. FWIW, I’d expect him to ask his parents if they were being asked to babysit.

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Is the DP not able to pick up a phone and ask them,?

Is OP his secretary??

Why should op call them, she's not bothered about going

BirthdayRainbow · 14/04/2024 21:04

Trickabrick · 14/04/2024 20:57

Nope, don’t think I did. The OP has agreed to go with her DP but has then spent more time discussing it on mumsnet than it would take to ask her parents - it’s petty and a waste of time. If she doesn’t want to go then just be an adult and tell him so. FWIW, I’d expect him to ask his parents if they were being asked to babysit.

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The point is the OP wants her husband to sort out the childcare for his children for the night he wants to go on. It's not about she could have done it in the time she spent typing on here.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 14/04/2024 21:04

If it was anyone else i would agree with you but i find it odd that you won't ask your own parents just to make a point

StarbucksQueen1 · 14/04/2024 21:04

They’re your parents so why is he asking them? I mean I’d be asking my parents and my husband would ask his own…
Anyway it’s quite clear you don’t want to go so let him go and enjoy it and you have the kids! Job sorted

Trickabrick · 14/04/2024 21:07

TayIor · 14/04/2024 21:00

My DH asks his parents, I ask my parents. Regardless of where we are going and why, that's how we do it. We are a team. We are not petty.

This sums it up for me, better than I’ve managed to express clearly 😂 The OP has made a mountain out of a molehill, it’s not the hill I’d choose to die on if I felt my partner wasn’t pulling his weight 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
mogtheforg3tfulcat · 14/04/2024 21:11

Trickabrick · 14/04/2024 21:07

This sums it up for me, better than I’ve managed to express clearly 😂 The OP has made a mountain out of a molehill, it’s not the hill I’d choose to die on if I felt my partner wasn’t pulling his weight 🤷🏻‍♀️

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I haven't actually made a mountain out of it, if he doesn't do it tonight I probably will and I haven't started an argument with him about it. There'll be no dying on any hills (I'll save that for his insistence on lining the contents of packed lunch boxes up next to the box in case I want to 'check what he's packed' as if I can't check things that are already in the box😂).

OP posts:
neverendingcold · 14/04/2024 21:27

mogtheforg3tfulcat · 14/04/2024 21:11

I haven't actually made a mountain out of it, if he doesn't do it tonight I probably will and I haven't started an argument with him about it. There'll be no dying on any hills (I'll save that for his insistence on lining the contents of packed lunch boxes up next to the box in case I want to 'check what he's packed' as if I can't check things that are already in the box😂).

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Why can't he check what he's packed himself blimey what a man child

Londonrach1 · 14/04/2024 21:29

Seems petty. You a team. Sounds like you don't want to go though

Arconialiving · 14/04/2024 22:40

Scarletttulips · 14/04/2024 20:41

I don’t blame you.

He knows what’s needed for enable you to go. That’s on him.

Is it petty? Probably - but that’s how is woman are fooled into doing the wife work isn’t it?

If we don’t do it, it doesn’t get done.

This!

PoppyCherryDog · 14/04/2024 22:42

Tulip32 · 14/04/2024 20:41

Agree with first response, this is really petty. Are you a team or not?

This. It’s petty.

PrincessTeaSet · 14/04/2024 22:46

mogtheforg3tfulcat · 14/04/2024 21:11

I haven't actually made a mountain out of it, if he doesn't do it tonight I probably will and I haven't started an argument with him about it. There'll be no dying on any hills (I'll save that for his insistence on lining the contents of packed lunch boxes up next to the box in case I want to 'check what he's packed' as if I can't check things that are already in the box😂).

Show quote history

Why do you want to check the packed lunches he makes . This sounds passive aggressive on his part in response to micromanaging on yours. Doesn't sound like good communication or teamwork at all

whatsappdoc · 14/04/2024 22:48

What is dh himself actually doing for the 'team'? I seem to have missed that.

BlueMum16 · 14/04/2024 22:52

Your DH would like you to go. You've agreed. It's your parents.

The newly weds will have paid for a buffet per head. Assuming you rsvp they're expecting two of you.

Stop being petty. Sort your DP and have a night out.q

WannabeMathematician · 14/04/2024 22:58

I agree @PoppyCherryDog. These things are the kind of things that erode trust. You want to be able to trust that your DH will follow through with something he said he will do. So he should do it!

violetlozenge · 14/04/2024 23:03

mogtheforg3tfulcat · 14/04/2024 21:01

In fairness, we have had an adult conversation about it. I said he should just go on his own, he said he'd rather I went with him so we could at least chat to each other, I agreed to go and told him to sort childcare. Can't really think of another way to have gone about it.

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Sort childcare by him phoning your parents? Super petty.

Copperoliverbear · 14/04/2024 23:54

I think it's very petty and would expect you to ask your own parents even though it's not your friends wedding.

Deathbyfluffy · 14/04/2024 23:56

Scarletttulips · 14/04/2024 20:42

Are you a team or not?

Yo need two to make a team - I’m sure OP have done her share - DH on the other hand …. Probably not.

From the post it sounds like the OP hasn’t done much so far!

ButterflyKu · 14/04/2024 23:59

In the time it took you to make this post, you could have just asked your parents. YABU

LenaLamont · 15/04/2024 00:05

I'd expect you to ask if it's your parents and him to ask if it's his. So on that basis I think you are being a little unreasonable (and are hoping for an excuse not to go after all).