To over invite guests to DD's party?

[aimlesswanderingg]

Invitations went out two weeks ago for a joint party for DD 6 turning 7 and DS 4 turning 5 (both have birthday in May). Never had a party before, DD Is beyond excited. Venue capacity is 60 with no wriggle room as they're the venue/hosts/entertainment and they do a head check. No one has rsvp'd for DD (DS has six guests so far) out of 60 invites (30 each). It's a bank holiday plus someone else in her class is having a party the same day. So no one has said they're coming for DD, three have said they can't due to other party. Dd does dance club Mondays which only has one girl from her year in it (most go to other schools). DH said to invite all 30 of them and just cancel individuals if we do end up going over capacity, but I'd feel awful doing that, but as it stands DD has no one coming, I can't even begin to imagine how devastated she'd be. Would I be unreasonable to risk going over capacity and then having to cancel individuals? How many people do normally RSVP out of 30 in your experience?

I'd change the date. Bank Holiday (half term) you'll find loads of people already have plans/holidays booked. And especially if there's already another party on the same date.

@TayIor I can't, my family are coming up from England (Scotland) for it and booked travel, plus I've paid for it.

What do you mean cancel people individually- that sounds a bit cruel.

Did you send the invitations out just before the kids broke up for Easter? They could still be sitting in school bags that parents won't be looking in until tomorrow or still at school if children were away.

What time is the other party? DS has had a few invites for more than one party on the same day and where they've been at different times most kids attended both.

Some people will just turn up without replying, some people will wait until nearer the time. If it's half term week some people may be away and not able to attend, if it's just a standard Bank Holiday weekend I would think most people would think "great, something to entertain the kids".

Well you can’t cancel people after you’ve invited them

send a reminder with rsvp by x date if you don’t hear back invite some others

@StartingOverInMy40s it does, I don't want to. DH says to invite say 50 people for DD (So 80 invited for a 60 capacity venue) and if people all say yes, message a few to apologise and say that they won't be able to come. It sounds horrible to me too but he's worried DD will have no guests and it's worth the risk given that not everyone will be able to come.

@Pineapplewaves yes, I did, that's true. It's a standard bank holiday, not half term. Other party is same time.

Did you put an RSVP to you by x date on the invitation?

@Whattheflipflap no

Coffee accidentally

Bit of a daft date to do such a big party on - 60 children is also an absolutely insane amount of children and can't see how that will be manageable. But no you can't uninvite children. You can resend invite out with a date for RSVP and then cull people. But I also think it's very early for people to RSVP for 6 weeks or so away.Edited to see you meant this bank hol. Can't you follow up via parents what's up app chat or similar

I'd call the venue, ask if you can change the date, and then so something different with your family when they visit (surely most people would prefer a family event rather than a kids party). No one wants to do two kids parties on the same day and it sounds like the other one was booked first

Please don’t over invite and then uninvited people - that’s awful! Especially as it’s a Bank Holiday weekend, they’ll make plans around your party and then you’ll cancel on them! I would never come to a party of yours again (and probably wouldn’t want to do play dates etc) if you did this to me. Also, people talk - the uninvited won’t be happy to find out they aren’t deemed as important as the still-invited! You’d be opening yourselves up for a whole load of trouble and your name would be mud at school!

Has the other party invites the whole class?
How long ago did you send invites?
Do you have contact details for the parents?

I’d probably try to follow up with a message saying you know it’s still a while away but with it being BH/HT and other parties you’re hoping to get an idea of numbers earlier than usual, so you’d be really grateful if parents could let you know by X date. If none or very few from her class you can invite non school friends. Your DH’s idea is terrible. Don’t do that.

I'm shocked you would consider I inviting kids to a party to spare your daughters feelings over a party you have badly mis-managed!!

But sod other peoples kids feelings eh?

You can't cancel people who've said yes, so I think you'll have to go out again asking for RSVPs by a date, then send invites out to these others.

Why isn't your DD going to the other party and how many were invited to that?

Can you talk with the other party mum without coming across as too weird? 'I hope you don't mind me asking, but it would really help me manage DD's party if I knew how many in the class will be going to your DD's?' It would probably be impossible to avoid being weird asking that but you never know 😂

I hate when people don’t rsvp for kids parties. I would chase the parents up and go to the school gates and ask as many as I could what they were planning because you need to know for planning and have others that your daughter would love to come of their precious darling can’t. WhatsApp and school gates stalk them all.

Did the other party at the same time send the invites out first? People will usually operate on a first come first serve basis, it's quite woman at that age to pitch kids against each other to see 'which friend will they pick'

why did you book a party at the same time as another party from the class? You must’ve known about it prior? I would definitely try to change the date of your party if at all possible, you just can’t un-invite people

You can't tell people they are cancelled. You do realise the impact that would have on your DD don't you? It's friendship ending, she will have much bigger problems than not many people at her birthday party if you do this.

How did you send the invites out? Is there a class WhatsApp group? If so send a message out saying you need rsvp by end of this week and unfortunately cannot accept anyone without a rsvp as you need to pay for the places this week.
Did your daughter get an invite to the other party? If there is no WhatsApp group I would speak to the other party mum and see if she can give you a list of children who are attending so you will know how many are definitely not attending your daughters. Use that number to invite other children

Could you send out another message saying you need to finalise numbers please reply by xx (say 10 days before party). Then after that date send invites to the dance class. Dance class won’t mind being invited at short notice as especially if you invite all of them they’ll know that you needed to prioritise school friends and check you had space

@lovehatelovehate I didn't, I booked it in Feb and sent out invitations six weeks prior to it. A mum messaged the same day saying she was going to do one for her son same day. A few mums messaged me since to say their child is going to the other one. I'd already paid by the time she messaged.

@Benjaminsniddlegrass I'd be happy if half came of it meant Dd had some friends coming. But the venue hosts 'host it' and they said 60 max, so I sent invites for 60.

@HanSB by paper invites as I don't do the school runs due to work (except Fridays). There's no WhatsApp group.