To be upset I’m still unable to come off antidepressants 2 years PP

[Ginspirational]

I had DD almost two years ago. I had horrendous post natal depression and went onto sertraline at 5 weeks PP, under the impression this would be short lived. I’ve now failed to come off them 3 times (under GP guidance). It all just comes flooding back. I naively thought PND went away. Or does it, and this is just depression now?

I am really upset that I’m unable to be a good parent without the help of medication.

Has anyone else experienced this and when did it go away (if ever?) I just don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

First of all there is no shame in needing antidepressants. I struggled horribly after having a baby and did for a few years. Everything needed to click into place before I could successfully come off them and if I ever need them again I won't hesitate.
It clearly isn't the right time for you so don't add to your stress about having to take a medication that you need. It doesn't make you a bad parent, if anything using medication you need even if you don't want to have to means you are making the right choice to be a better parent.

Don't worry, they're hard to get off when life generally can be stressful. It is no reflection on your ability to parent and there is no shame in taking a medication that improves your daily life.

You could consider trying a talking therapy to work on what aspects come flooding back, if there is some trauma there.

I gave up citalopram after 14 year in the autumn, and only then because I think it was no longer suiting me due to menopause. 14 years!

No shame at all. Also, 2 years PP is still in the thick of it! Terrible two's, back at work. Are you going cold turkey or gradually reducing dosage? Can you combine coming off with other help to deal with what comes back? E.g. therapy, CBT

If you had high blood pressure you wouldn't be trying to wean yourself off your medication. There is no shame in taking antidepressants and it is not a reflection of what kind of person or parent you are.
People don't really talk about it, but huge numbers of people take antidepressants to manage depression/anxiety.
At some time in the future, you might be ready to come off the antidepressants but don't be hard on yourself waiting for that.

Thank you everyone - I really appreciate it.

I have deep rooted childhood trauma that I was able to repress (I realise that’s probably unhealthy!) until I had DD, but having her was the biggest trigger, and continues to be.

I think I’m scared that I’m not going to be able to come off the medication until I’ve faced those demons through therapy, which feels far too exhausting to even consider right now.

So maybe staying on them until I feel strong enough is the best thing. Especially for DD, who gets a happy and stable mum.

Never feel like a failure for being on anti depressants. I refused to admit I had pnd after my first and fell pregnant quickly with my second which sent me into a complete spiral. Ex Hubby and me then split and due to some traumatic things happening I ended up getting bipolar. I'm now on antidepressants and have been since 2016 when I fell pregnant with my 3rd. When I am NOT pregnant I'm also on anti psychotics. I cant come off them and I have a few times because I start feeling OK and happy and on a high... but then I crash because I haven't realised the reason I was OK and not spiralling into complete highs (mania) is because of the tablets. Think of it this way if you had a long term physical condition that you needed medication for you wouldn't be worried about it you would just take them to be well and look after the little ones. Well anti depressants are the same thing but for our minds.

That sounds like a good plan! Dealing with trauma demons is better dine when you've got the bandwidth for it. No more shame about taking those meds 😊

I’ve been on antidepressants PP for 5 yrs now and only recently have started thinking about coming off

Many people take them for life. Why not review it in another year. No shame in this.

I hope no one else in your life is making you feel bad or guilty about taking them.

I've been on them for 8 years now and don't think I will ever come off them. The way I see it is my body simply doesn't produce enough serotonin for me to function properly and the medication helps with this. There's no weakness in it.

Please don’t feel bad about the fact you still require them right now.

I started taking Sertraline 15 yrs ago now, for the same reason as you. However, my PND highlighted my underlying anxiety issues that had been present for a number of years, but were made so much worse by pregnancy/having a baby, so it wasn’t a short term fix. I have tried to come off them a few times now, but never manage to stay off of them for long. I’ve come to accept that I may never manage to come off of them, and I’m ok with that. It’s better than I take them, and manage to keep my head above water, than the other alternative.

I'm so sorry OP but remember the medication doesn't make you a good parent, you're a good parent and the medication just helps you act in the way you want to.
I really recommend staying on them until you've dealt with the repressed trauma. I say this as someone who has been there - whilst mine wasn't triggered by having a child, I had a very similar experience. The meds helped me be able to talk about my experiences and after I was able to get through therapy, even though I still have little triggers or things that are hard, I was able to come off my meds again.
The people who demonize meds for MH are snake oil salesmen who want to profit off people's misfortune. You wouldn't tell someone with a physical illness to be ashamed for taking their medicine so don't do it to yourself. Give yourself grace to heal and become the person you want to be and if that means staying on the meds a little longer know that that's ok xx

Thank you all so much, I’ve never felt so understood ❤️ my family are very supportive of me continuing to take them, it’s actually my GP that says I need to try and wean off them every 6 months as they shouldn’t be used for a prolonged period of time. But seeing your responses has made me realise this is far more common than they are leading me to believe!

I need Sertraline to cope for 2 1/2 years after having my second child, I was actually only able to come off them after going totally alcohol free. I couldn't believe the difference giving up drinking made to my mental health. Not saying it's that for you but if you try different things you might find a particular lifestyle change really improves things for you.

I’ve been on antidepressants for 17 years due to PTSD, I’m a great Mum!

I would suggest that your need to continue with your medication at the moment is more related to childhood trauma than “not having got over PND”.

Stay on your meds for as long as is needed, seek some talking therapy for your trauma and continue being a great Mum!

I've been on antidepressants since 2008. They are a miracle and I'm glad everyday to have them. Count your blessings, OP. The brain is an organ like all the others, and sometimes it needs help, too.

Well your GP would be horrified by me, I’ve been on Sertraline for over 10 years! The (very few) times over the years I’ve started to wean off it, I’ve felt horrendous, so I’ve come to the conclusion I just need them to have more balanced hormones 🤷‍♀️

I also have Crohn’s and take weekly injections for that, but no one’s saying I should wean myself off those after a certain amount of time - why should antidepressants be any different?

Please don’t let your GP make you feel bad or bully you into stopping OP. You deserve to have the medication that you need, for as long as you need.

If your GP keeps insisting that you try to wean off the medication, despite ample evidence to the contrary about ill effects, maybe you need to ask for a different GP in the practice.

I'm on sertraline because of PND. Ds is nearly 18.

I agree antidepressants can be a lifesaver but if and when you decide to come off them it is much much more difficult than you imagine. Noone tells people this and I truly believe that many people who have tried to get off of them have failed because they were not better informed.

You have to be weaned off of them very very slowly, much more slowly than most GPs will tell you, sometimes taking up to a year. If you try to titrate too quickly you will end up with terrible side effects that mimic depression and this convinces you that there is still something wrong with you.

My advice is if /when you choose to, then read carefully about how to do it, talk to your GP and go as slowly as possible. Antidepressants don't have to be for life for everyone.

OP, please don’t feel shame. I’ve been on antidepressants for 15 years (except during my pregnancies) and I had bad PND with my first but not my second. Antidepressants saved my life, without question. I simply cannot parent without them. I have depression and bad anxiety and the meds keep me level enough to cope. My children need a mum who isn’t crying and losing her temper all the time.

Please be kind to yourself x

I had PND with my second and this turned into regular PMDD. My daughter is now 15. I am still on 20mg citalopram. I have had another child (now 10) and took citalopram all the way through pregnancy and breastfeeding.

For a long time I kept trying to get off it but I've pretty much accepted that this is it now!

I agree with all the pp.

No shame at all in taking any medicine you need to stay healthy. You are probably the worlds best at beating yourself up and judging yourself harshly, I doubt anyone else in your life is making you feel this - but if they are, throw them in the bin! Cut yourself some slack, be kind to yourself, I bet you would never think a friend who was on ADs was a failure.

If you need the medication you stay on the medication as long as you do. Find a GP who is less about GP practice targets and more about patient care.

Coming off anti-depression medication should be done with care, as pp said, a very long time reducing very very slowly, even if your original dosing was not very high in the first place. It's foolish to stop taking any medication which your body needs.

I was always being told I needed to try and come off of them, and I really wanted to, but I think the GPs I see have now accepted that it’s not going to happen, and they no longer mention it!

I was once told by a lovely GP that the meds are doing 10% of the work of getting better/functioning, and I was doing the rest, so that made me feel better about the whole situation 😊.

I heard a psychologist say recently that, if you break a leg, your body heals itself. If you cut yourself, your body heals itself. However, when your mind is ‘damaged’, you’re attempting to heal it using the one tool that is not functioning properly, so it takes a lot of work and a lot of time to heal. There is no shame in taking these meds to help with this healing 🌻.

I’m still on mine 5 years post partum. I’ve tried to come off three times and I can’t do it.

Life is just too hard and I’m ok if they help me manage.

There’s no shame OP.