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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is being unreasonable?

43 replies

PaperDoIIs · 14/04/2024 13:47

Incident: 12 yo loses something at swimming. It is a non essential item , of low value (under £4). Said child is generally pretty good and careful with their belongings, rarely loses or damages things. When they do, they are extremely apologetic and remorseful, try to fix things (look for them if list for example),don't necessarily expect a replacement (unless needed) and often offer to pay/contribute out of their own pocket money.

Same in the case of the item lost at swimming. Child realised she lost the item /forgot it. Went back to look for it , couldn't find it so went home , owned up to it and apologised. Did not ask for a replacement but happily accepted it being replaced. Did offer to pay for it.

Person A , saw it as a no big deal. The Kid is generally good, has tried to find it and it didn't cost a lot so accepted the apology and ordered replacement.

Person B think Person A is being wasteful, that the kid needs to learn a lesson , be more careful. Big rant about the value of money ,life lessons and that Person A is basically being irresponsible and a pretty crap parent raising a spoilt child.

In my opinion , rather than focusing on the principle of it , it's more of a pick your battles situation.

OP posts:
KnackeredBack · 14/04/2024 13:50

Person B is being an arse. It's a thing that can't be hurt. The person they're hurting about the thing CAN be hurt by their reaction.

KnackeredBack · 14/04/2024 13:51

Are both A&B parents of the child?

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2024 13:52

So you're A and B is her father?

WhisperGold · 14/04/2024 13:53

I think you are Person A.
Also, that you are right.

LeoTheLeopard · 14/04/2024 13:54

Has person B ever lost anything? Or experienced something where a Know-Better could go to town on them for their own kicks?

Does person B allow person A to share this view outside the house about their thoughts or is A expected to keep the secret?

Does person B value their relationship with the child?

pinkyredrose · 14/04/2024 13:55

Person B is unreasonable. The kid is obviously conscientious and decent. Has person B never lost anything?

OurfriendsintheNE · 14/04/2024 13:55

Person B is NBU, but only if they have never lost something or made a mistake in their lives.

Is he always so hard on the kid?

FloofCloud · 14/04/2024 13:56

Person B will only ensure the child has a stressful upbringing IMO
More parents should be like A, and certainly the child who is clearly taking responsibility

Hippomumma2 · 14/04/2024 13:57

Person b is not being realistic about children at all. They lose thing, we all lose things - is not a hill to die on unless it’s the winning lottery ticket

Anoisagusaris · 14/04/2024 13:57

Parent B is a dick.

HoppingPavlova · 14/04/2024 13:57

Person B is an absolute cunt. I’ve had this child and speak from experience.

the80sweregreat · 14/04/2024 13:58

Person B is being unreasonable here and it's a an easily replaceable item. Things like this happen, it's life.
You've probably already done this , but ringing the pool to see if they have been handed in is a good idea as someone may have picked them up or something or they might be in the changing areas but under something so not been seen yet?

justasking111 · 14/04/2024 14:01

Well apart from the fact that you're A B person making the post confusing. I'm guessing goggles which do walk if you don't grab them.

ASeriesOfTubes · 14/04/2024 14:20

@PaperDoIIs What lesson does your DH B think the child actually needs to learn here? From your OP there isn't one I can see.

FusilliNom · 14/04/2024 14:22

B is a nasty power hungry parent

ThePartyPlanner · 14/04/2024 14:28

Person B is being an arse.

The 12 year old sounds like a good kid who has lost something. No one is perfect and no lesson needs to be taught to a child who already sounds like she generally looks after her belongings and cared enough to go back and look. Even the most careful people lose things sometimes.

PaperDoIIs · 14/04/2024 14:30

Person A is a parent, Person B is very close friend .

I honestly apologise, I can see I fucked up and misled everyone into thinking this was an issue between parents. Didn't even think of that, but it's pretty obvious that would be the main assumption.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 14/04/2024 14:32

Person B needs to calm down. The child doesn’t sound spoilt in the least.

FusilliNom · 14/04/2024 14:32

The child will never come to B with their problems if this is how they react

Retrievemysanity · 14/04/2024 14:35

B sounds insane!

Motomum23 · 14/04/2024 14:35

If person B is a friend they need shutting down by the parent straight away. None of their business whatsoever. Tell them to wind their neck in and focus on their own shortcomings instead of that of someone else's child.

twohotwaterbottles · 14/04/2024 14:36

Literally I'm person A and my exH is person B. My take is, just be kind. We all lose things. A huge rant/responsibility lecture is not needed. Shut the f up person B

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/04/2024 14:37

B can fuck off.

Onetiredbeing · 14/04/2024 14:38

I think A is quite pathetic to even allow this person to 'rant' at them or the child and not shut them down immediately. Pathetic that they then need to seek online opinions to know what to do.

pootlin · 14/04/2024 14:41

Please tell me that A is not easily led by B or in a romantic relationship with B.

Because this is giving me the creeps.

B does like A’s child and wants to make A dislike the child too.

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