Who is being unreasonable?

[PaperDoIIs]

Incident: 12 yo loses something at swimming. It is a non essential item , of low value (under £4). Said child is generally pretty good and careful with their belongings, rarely loses or damages things. When they do, they are extremely apologetic and remorseful, try to fix things (look for them if list for example),don't necessarily expect a replacement (unless needed) and often offer to pay/contribute out of their own pocket money.

Same in the case of the item lost at swimming. Child realised she lost the item /forgot it. Went back to look for it , couldn't find it so went home , owned up to it and apologised. Did not ask for a replacement but happily accepted it being replaced. Did offer to pay for it.

Person A , saw it as a no big deal. The Kid is generally good, has tried to find it and it didn't cost a lot so accepted the apology and ordered replacement.

Person B think Person A is being wasteful, that the kid needs to learn a lesson , be more careful. Big rant about the value of money ,life lessons and that Person A is basically being irresponsible and a pretty crap parent raising a spoilt child.

In my opinion , rather than focusing on the principle of it , it's more of a pick your battles situation.

I’d replace the item without fuss, everybody looses things.

Person B needs to wind their neck in and mind their own fucking business

Oh so person B is one of those mythical people that never makes mistakes, never loses anything and is totally perfect in every way?

Person B is on a highway to having a very poor relationship with the child. Constant criticism doesn’t make for very pleasant company.

It's fuck all to do with person b therefore their opinion should mean nothing to parent A

Why is your friend having anything to do
with this? Let alone going off on a rant? It has fuck all to do with them, it’s your child and your house. I very much hope that you protected your child from the outburst of this lunatic friend, told them they were out of line and made them leave your home.

Honestly, I'd be delighted if my child behaved like this at age 12. They sound conscientious and honest. I wouldn't make a big deal over it either, and person B cannot be perfect enough to fault anyone over something so small. It's not like it's high value, they were being careless, demanded a new one, and didn't say sorry.

I didn't ask opinions on what to do. I asked who was being unreasonable in case I was missing something.

I'll concede to the part of being pathetic for listening to it though. Possibly. Sometimes shit happens in long term friendships.

Jesus, just saw that person B was a close friend. I'd be working on reducing the "close" part of that relationship if I were you OP.

B is well out of order and needs to back off.

The story seems one sided, you say its rare but give examples of the 12yo attitude to losing things as though its happened a few times. If it's a one off then no issue but if its happening more frequently then maybe it needs to be addressed. But ultimately if its your kid, you've replaced happily and are comfortable with you decision then the other person is bu for involving themselves in something that doesn't affect them

It's absolutely nothing to do with the close friend!

It was really weird. She doesn't normally have form for this, she's mostly a live and let live type of person or "not my thing, but you do you." So am I and that's why we got on so well over the years despite having differences. Normally something like this would've been shared eye roll, laugh and a "kids eh?".

Sadly , I think things are changing and not for the better.

B is wrong, fuck all to do with them.

Well yes, there have been incidents as she is 12 so a lot of years where she had to be responsible for her own stuff, but I can count those incidents on both hands and remember them all as they are pretty rare, especially when it comes to losing.

Worst one was losing a bag with her whole secondary school uniform. Luckily she left it at school so it turned up eventually. That would've been an expensive mistake (out of her own money).

Person b is a knob

Why are so many men like this? It's such an own goal; the kids just grow up not trusting them with the big stuff when they get older.

What man are you talking about? The OP has said that person B is a friend of hers, not a husband or partner, and that the friend is female. It’s a female friend sticking her nose into the OP’s parenting and kids, when it’s nothing to do with this friend.

A sounds well measured. This child sounds mature/responsible for 12, a lot of kids are less responsible at that age. Person B is overreacting