To have zero issues with other school gate mums?

[Oohooh]

It feels like every other person on here is convinced the school gate mums have it in for them.

I’ve made 2 ‘friends’ since DD started reception in September - mostly play dates but now and then we have a meal out or a few glasses of wine at each other’s houses in the evening.

Other than that I say hello and most seem perfectly pleasant, even if they’re not my ‘friend’ type (and I’m probably not theirs). I know there are other friendship groups among the mums but it doesn’t bother me at all, nor do I think they talk about me behind my back.

AIBU to think posters on here can be very unfair about school gate mums in general?

I don't have any issues either OP. Imm just friendly but don't get too involved with politics.

It’s definitely a product of how much else you have going on in your life and how much you care what other people think about you. I have always worked FT and only done very occasional drop off / pick up when DS was in primary, but was generally invited to get togethers by the SAHMs when he was at private pre-prep and when he moved to state primary for KS2, his little group of pals had simpatico mums (all bar one of whom worked too) and we became friends beyond the playground - we rarely saw each other there, just made the effort to get the boys together at weekends and holidays. We’re not all big outgoing personalities but I think enough of us are to keep the quieter ones involved and maintain the group now the boys are all at different high schools. The ones with different aged kids have circles of friends from their other class parents and we overlap with them all at things like the cricket or rugby club. However, I also have significantly stronger friendships with my local book group pals, my uni friends and people from work which means I didn’t spend time wondering what the school mums thought about me.

It’s not trope, it’s luck of the draw. Vast majority of school parents are lovely normal people who are insanely busy and trying to remember which day to send which book in and what app to submit this weeks maths homework on.

A very small minority have nothing better to do with their lives than gossip, stir up drama, then gossip some more.

Same as the world of work, and any other grouping of people to be honest.

Why do you put the word friend in inverted commas? It sounds like you don't really want to think of them as friends...

I agree, but having 2 dc in different year groups I can see a different dynamic in each - luckily both fine in their own ways, but I can understand that others might have a different experience. So I don't think it's just drama seeking, but the luck of the draw.

I don't have any issues with any of the school parents.
There are a few mums (3 I think) that hang around the gates about 30 mins before they open chatting and gossiping.

2 of them (on separate occasions) have walked the same way as me home and tried to bitch about other mums to me. My response is standard "I don't like talking about people who aren't here, sorry" it then went very quiet and she toddled off.

I can't be bothered with bitchy people, but there are some lovely parents I mix with, a few dads and a few mums.

No issues here either, and it’s not just school gate Mums - pretty even mix of Mums and Dads dropping off and picking up.

Good for you op. Your post reminds me of the poster who said that having a coil fitted doesn't hurt. It didn't hurt HER. But it minimised the experiences of others.

Yours is kind of the same and really quite smug.

For what it's worth I made a really good friend at the school gates. Many others were pleasant and some were downright cliquey. It often depends on where you are and not the sort of person you are. So yabu

I was always friendly and chatty on the school run, would talk to whoever I happened to be standing by but was never interested in developing friendships, and I never had any issues at all. That's with 5 dc in a total of 4 schools, not including preschools.

I’ve found them to be mostly nice but some are genuinely a bit mean. I normally just say a quick hi but one mum kept pointedly blanking me when I said “morning” and now her friends are blanking me too.

No idea what thats about. I went in it really positively because Dd’s nursery was really lovely and the parents were all nice to each other. So it was a bit of a surprise but it does happen unfortunately. It’s not really a problem as such because I have met some lovely people too. But I was a bit surprised that adults behave like that. I wouldn’t have believed it either but there are nice and not so nice people everywhere so not surprising that some of them have children.

The parents at my daughter's school are all fine. There are a combination of mums, dads, grandparents doing the school run generally. Of course people who are friends tend to group together and chat, but everyone is friendly and polite, luckily. Many are really nice if not people you'd generally be friends with.

It's just luck, I suppose, but I also didn't go in with the objective of making friends - I have those already. I didn't grow up in this town, whereas quite a few have and know each other from school themselves. I've been fortunate enough to make some really lovely friends, but I'm equally at ease standing on my own if I don't happen to see anyone I'm friends with (as does happen some days), just as I'm happy to be on my own commuting to work or queing in a shop.

I’m very much the mum that keeps herself to herself, I say hello and smile but I’m not one for a conversation. I do appreciate loads do and that bit of communication some of the mums get during the school run may be the highlight of their day. But that’s not me, without sounding horrible I want to be left alone. I probably am socially anxious/awkward which probably unintentionally comes off as rude but I try to be polite without continuing a conversation

Likewise, only on mn. Everyone I know got on fine with primary mums, no nastiness, an occasional mums night out of drinking, some friendships. With secondary less so, ie meet ups, but no nastiness.

@Oohooh

Everyone is on their best behaviour in reception and they are at primary school for a long time.

I didn't have many issues but it's never plain sailing for anyone.

Things such a people's DC not being invited to parties/ who got the lead in the school play/ groups going out and not inviting X and people allowing their true selves to come out, friends falling out and what happens to the friendships etc are all things that I have seen happen a few years in.

Obviously I hope this doesn't happen to you but you'll come across all sorts as they move up the school.

Yanbu.
But you probably have mums in the class noticing you and your pals saying your are a clique that are excluding them because they're not blonde and thin like you.

What was the batshittery!

Lucky you. A group of the school mums tried to start a petition to get my SEN four year old kicked out of school.

Totally. I've made loads of friends through school pick ups.....most parents I encounter are lovely and we often end up chatting at the park after school....and drinking alcohol on nights out!

This whole concept of “school gate mums” is bizarre to me. I pull into the car park , give them kisses and let my kids out. And then I leave…
on collection most ppl just wait in the car and on seeing the classes come out they walk to the gate and meet the kids and walk away. There’s no hanging around…

The school gate mums were all great in both DDs and DSs years (5 years apart)

Granted there were a couple I wasn't overly keen on, but on the whole they were lovely. I spoke to all of them over the years my kids were at the school.

I've been on nights out with mums from both year groups over the years. No issues at all.

I was at the school gate every day for drop off and pick up, every single day, for both kids, so that probably helped with building relationships.

I'm polite and say hello but keep myself to myself . I don't feel i'm like most mums in terms of my hobbies so I just keep my head down and get in and out. I see and hear about drama at the school gates but I'm never witness to any of it. Maybe I just zoom out so far 🤣

I keep myself to myself! Arrive a minute before the bell, drop off and go. Turn up to collect as the classroom door being opened. I have a few good long-time friends so don’t feel the need to try and a make a ‘social thing’ out of it, although I know some people have made friendships via the school gates which is great.

Sorry, completely opposite experience here when my son started school. School runs used to cause me so much anxiety because of certain people. I was not prepared!

All schools are different here they would not realise the children you come into the playground and collect and the teacher has to see you they wouldn't send children out to cars...

How awful 😞 Sorry you had to go through this.