To have called the parents for this behaviour?

[ShyPearlMoose]

Short version: would you want your babysitter to contact you on a date night if they were struggling with your child's behaviour?

I'm babysitting tonight for a 10 year old boy with autism and ADHD and an 8 year old girl. I've babysat for them for about a year with little problems and I also tutor them weekly, they're lovely kids and we have a good relationship. I'm 26, a student teacher and used to clean for the family before I started studying so that's how I know them.

Mum and dad went out for dinner tonight and as they were leaving confirmed that the kids both only had an hour of iPad time left which they both agreed to. The girl is fine coming off but I usually struggle for about 10 minutes to get the boy to come off before he listens. The iPads have a screen time setting on them so he knows he'll get caught out by his parents if he goes over, reminding him of this is what usually gets him off.

We did some painting together then the kids both had their iPad time from 7:30-8:30pm. I was giving them both 30, 15 minute and 5 minute warnings to make it easier for them to come off. Girl came off straight away but the boy wouldn't come off for about 10 minutes as usual then skulked off upstairs. He then came down with a different type of tablet in his hands (I think it was his parents') and started begging his sister for the code to get in. She said no as they weren't allowed. He started having a complete meltdown, crying, kicking her, throwing things, shouting and screaming. He grabbed his own iPad back and was giving me ultimatums. 'Either you get her to give me the code or I'll just play on this one.' It was nearing bed time at this point and I didn't know what to do as he was so irate so I text his mum saying I was struggling to get him to come off the iPad and if she knew something I could do. I knew if I left him to it he'd be on it until they got home which would look so bad on me and he wouldn't get enough sleep. She rang me straight away and asked to speak to him which just made things worse, he locked himself in the bathroom with his iPad and started banging on the door and shouting about how I was a traitor for telling on him.
Mum and dad were fine with me when they got home but I'm just concerned I ruined their night. They were just having dessert when she rang me.
Should I have waited until they got back to say something? Does this look bad on me?

You did the right thing, I would rather you phoned in this situation.

There’s nothing wrong in asking for help - you’ll learn this as a teacher. Parents know their child best and have a few tricks up their sleeve.

You won’t have spoilt their night as a parent it’s nice not to have to worry about the kids for a couple of hours but you are ultimately always on duty.

Just to add: following the phone call he calmed down, took himself to bed and seemed ok

Agreed.

It sounds like it was really escalating, I think I would’ve done the same thing

I think at the point at which the child you were responsible for put himself outside of your supervision, that was the only option really

If something was wrong with my child I'd want to know straight away. I would also set up iPads so they automatically locked after an hour so that you didn't have any control over screen time.

I’d have wanted to know, if I’d been the parent. I think you did the right thing.

I would have wanted you to call; you did the right thing.

I'd trust you more as a sitter as Id know for sure you'd contact me if needed

You did the right thing.
I hope the parents are grateful for you notifying them, rather than give you a hard time for disturbing their deserts🤨

This.

If my kid was behaving like that, I'd definitely want to know. You're not there to put up with that behaviour even with autism/adhd.

I also wouldn't be giving strict orders like that if I knew it could cause upset for the childminder/babysitter.

Then you did the right thing. Could easily have escalated, and with him locked in a bathroom in a meltdown where he might have damaged something or himself ( worst case scenario)

Not at all. My son is has autism and acts exactly as you described the boy to. I would want the babysitter to Call me .

I would prefer if a babysitter didn't ring me like this BUT I am really relaxed with babysitters. If my kid was sat up at midnight playing their iPad because the babysitter couldn't get them off it, and I had a good night out I wouldn't mind.

If they were expecting you to have definitely got him into bed then I don't think you were unreasonable to call

No. You did the right thing. Presumably it was just a meal out. If they were eating with friends, I am sure the friends would have understood.

I'd have wanted to know but I'd be fuming if I came across this public thread and recognised my family and my business.

I think you did the right thing.

It is notoriously difficult to get kids with ADHD off screens though.

The tip i was given was not to have that as the last thing before bed, but have something they like to do still in hand after the screen.

As a parent it would make me trust you more, knowing that you would actually ring when something was wrong.

Things were escalating and it sounds like it was a little out of character for him as well given that you've babysat for a while with no such issues. I think you did right.

I'd trust you more as a sitter as Id know for sure you'd contact me if needed

This.

We had offers of babysitting from a close family member when eldest dc was about 4. Great! We were thankful for the offer.

On the day, just as we were leaving, I said the standard casual 'let us know if you need us' and the response was 'oh nooo...anything that happens can wait until you're home'.

It made me pause in the doorway - and I said no, really, I'd rather you contact us if needed, at any time. It was a firm NO. You go enjoy yourself. I'd never dream of calling you when you're on a date, not for anything.

It made me so uncomfortable and I just couldn't leave it. I said well, if dc somehow vomits or develops a temperature or has an accident and needs to go to hospital - I really want to know, immediately. And she refused. Don't be so silly! I can deal with a bit of sick or give calpol and I can take him to hospital if needed! There's no way I'd disturb you, i'm more than capable! With a big smile on her face and rolled eyes at dh over my silliness.

I put my bag down and refused to go - and we never accepted any further offer of sitting. Being able to relax and know that a sitter will contact you when needed is SO important.

@ShyPearlMoose with the behaviour you described there's nothing wrong with calling the parents.

If my child acted at her worst with someone looking after I wouldn't mind if someone called me

I get what you're saying but I think it would show me that they really care and feel unsure about it. I hate feeling unsure and would do anything to stop others feeling the same way. There's also nothing identifying here or rude from the OP. Nothing to fume about.

Recognising my family, my kid's behaviour and my personal business would make me fume.

The OP could've asked a simple general question if she really had to, and not one with all that detail.

In my experience, "iPad" time before bed is a bad Idea. It winds brains up instead of down, and often sets a child up for failure i.e. poor behaviour. I feel sorry for him because he probably felt completely out of control. You were right to contact the parents.